Husband dealing with a difficult situation... - Page 3

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

That it's his daughter and not yours makes a big difference. Your venting is seen by him as blaming him. He needs reassurance and a cheerful mate.

In difficult situations one of us will ask the other, do you think we'll laugh about this one day. The other usually replies, we won't live that long. It's a reminder that this too will pass and that being in it together is what matters.

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

I'm only thinking that your DH is probably secretly feeling the same as you are feeling. It's possible that what you've said is probably echoing what he's been thinking, but isn't quite able to verbalize it. He doesn't want to say anything negative about his daughter at this point. He's probably recalling her childhood and all of his/her good memories and it's probably difficult to accept where she is in her life right now. It could be common in this situation. Maybe an experienced counselor who deals with this type of situation, or trusted minister or whomever/whatever might be a good step in the right direction. The best of luck to all concerned.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

Generally, when someone doesn't respond to what another is saying it means they don't like what they're hearing and just want to avoid an arguement. That doesn't mean they won't hold it against the person saying it and feel resentful.

goldensrbest · ‎03-10-2010

The thing is it involves you also,so yes speak up .

When you lose some one you L~O~V~E, that Memory of them, becomes a TREASURE.

CelticCrafter · ‎03-09-2010

@MarkeieMark wrote:
This sounds more about you than him.

Sounds resentful to me.

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

@CelticCrafterResentful, yes! Just because she is my step daughter does not mean I don't or can't have an opinion.

We both spent 3 days in a hot, dirty apartment, packing her belongings, and then we had to transport everything to a storage unit.... If I had not vented on the situation at the time that would have been very odd!!

It was no picnic and as one poster said we would laugh about this some day, that will not happen.

This daughter lived with us during a portion of her teen years, mom gave up for several years...we weathered that storm and we will get thru this.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

@Mom2Dogs,

Your post reminds me of no less than a dozen emails I've received from my best friend over the years. She is married to an older man with adult children, who have put her thru the wringer. Life was good when the kids were teenagers, but what she's been thru with them over the last 30 years would test the patience of a true saint.

My friend is 62; her husband is hugging 80, and his get up and go, got up and went a long time ago. He no longer has the energy, or tolerance for his kids drama, so it was falling on my friend. Wanting to keep peace and harmony, my friend pushed herself over and over, until she finally went off and told husband and the kids she'd had enough----she was done. A few nights in county jail helped one kid wise up, and credit counseling/working 2 jobs has opened the eyes of the other one.

My friends husband didn't want to talk either; he was just tired of the drama, and the kids lack of responsibility. Now that you both have agreed to stand firm on what has to be done, I wouldn't push the issue any further.

KathyPet · ‎03-09-2010

He has his way of coping and you have yours. You vent. He doesn't. To expect him to suddenly change the way he deals with a crisis at his age is not reasonable. LIstening to you talk about it is not doing him any favors. I say leave him be to deal,with it as he wishes.

Love my grandkids · ‎11-24-2013

@Mom2Dogs Sorry that I went overboard saying "on and on and on." But as suggested, vent to a friend or non-family member. Your DH knows how you feel, I'm sure.

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

@Mom2Dogs, So sorry you have had to deal with this. I too am married to the same easy going personality and there are times their "comfort zone" has caused incredible loss because they couldn't "step up to the plate". Often we are the one to shoulder the bad weather.

The minute you had to step in to "clean up the mess" the door was opened.

Either the daughter is an adult that deals with and accepts responsibility or she isn't.

I don't think you were wrong at all to voice your opinion. You and I know how much "change" will occur, no doubt you were at your tipping point. Sometimes the other team mate has to say "enough!".

I will certainly keep you in my prayers.