Among Friends

[Luvsmyfam]

@San Antonio Gal well,he still comes up to my work and has a few beers.he actually asked me out ,but I had a family obligation to tend to,so it was a no go.i just don't know what to think of him.

[depglass]

I'd keep him going as a friend.  With Covid you will have limited opportunities to find someone else. You will not force him into an elevated status, so get that idea out of your head.

[webbgarner1]

@Luvsmyfam  How is it a breakup when you were never a couple. Sounds like the relationship was strictly as friends. 

[hckynutjohn]

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@Luvsmyfam wrote:

as you can guess,I wear my heart on my sleeve.my story goes like this:I've had a younger male friend for yrs.we have never been on a date,but he sometimes come to my home.he has fixed things for me,offered sometimes good advice, and just pretty easy to talk to.i now want more from this relationship.we discussed this today at my house.he could not give me a direct answer.so I take it,he's not interested.i am crushed and wondering if I should just cut him off completely. Please,

"woman to woman",

@Luvsmyfam 

How about "man to woman"? 

Younger male friend for years Years and never been on a date"? "Sometimes come to my home"?

Doesn't sound like there is anything to "break up" to me. Sounds like there never was much to me. 

If he hasn't shown interest in anything but - - -, not even a date? Get rid of him.

hckynut 🥅🏒

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[Luvsmyfam]

@hckynutjohn I want to ,but he keeps showing up at my work.i don't want to come across as rude,but not overly friendly either.he sure sends signals tho,but that is all

[Growing]

The problem with hanging on to him and hoping and waiting is our lives go by. We waste our energy chasing a man/woman who is not going to commit to us. If they just want sex and we want more, this isn’t fixable by us. As long as you pine for him, you can’t focus on moving on. You are disappointed that he doesn’t care for you like you care for him. Acknowledge that and decide you come first and seek a man who wants what you want. You can stay friendly with this guy if you can accept that this is not going anywhere more than what it is. But if your mind will stay stuck on him and you won’t move forward, then you gotta stop the relationship. And don’t be friends with men you really want to date romantically because again, you’ll be pining for what isn’t going to happen. Don’t fall into lust or love until you see the compatibility issue is each person wanting the same level of commitment. I’ve heard of how some younger men figure out that some older women are available for friends with benefits and purposefully seek them out instead of women their age. It’s their form of companionship but sometimes it’s using people too.

[Growing]

Just treat him like you would any other customer at work. See him for who he really is instead of what you want him to be and it will be easier to detach from him. You don't need to justify yourself or defend yourself. Just treat him like any other customer and not as "someone who comes to your house sometimes." 

And if you want to limit his contact: When he texts to you, take a long time to respond, a day or longer, or don't respond. If he sends sexual texts, don't respond. You can mute him on your phone's list of text messages. On an iPhone you swipe left on the page listing all the text messages you have. Swipe left from the right side of the page and mute him. Or you can block his number from your contacts. His voice mail may go into a blocked number folder under your regular voice mails folder on an iPhone. You can unblock him at any time.

But blocking may give you peace of mind for a few weeks or longer that you won't hear from him. Sometimes we need to set a boundary in order to mentally move on. Users tend to not take no for an answer and keep coming back for what they want. 

[Effie54]

Wait.... you never had a date, you were just friends, he offered advice, and fix things in your home. To me that sounds like friends. I understand that you might want more, but it's his prerogative if he doesn't. I've been in that situation, and did not take it personally. Perhaps he just likes you as a friend. There's nothing wrong with that. I would never block him, or not see this person again. I just would not bring up dating. It's obviously not his thing, so just except the relationship for what it is and go forward. 

[PuppyLoverBob666]

Ypu've received somegood advice and I don't know if mine will help but here goes:

Sometimes absense really does make the heart grow fonder. I wouldn't be quite so available as before. Don't cut him off completely but once in a while, "Oh sorry, I've got plans for that day."

A psychologist once said to me, Do you know why people play "hard to get?" because it works.

And if really he does want to cut off contact because he thinks of you as a friend only, "take it on the chin" with as much dignity as you can.

I had a boyfriend break up with me on Christmas eve; it was painful and embarassing but at least I took it "like a man".