Among Friends

[silkyk]

Sorry to say this but it sounds like he's just not that into you. That's a GOOD thing to know so you don't waste anymore time on unrealistic expectations. If a man is into you NOTHING can keep him away. He will let you know for sure. Better to look for a fella that feels the same towards you as you do to him. This ain't that.

[Katcat1]

@Luvsmyfam    If you can accept him as just a friend then do so.  Did you make him uncomfortable by wanting a relationship?  Have you heard from him lately since your question?  You also may need him to fix things around your home.  Think good and hard about it before you lose a friend.

[CatsyCline]

maybe he is married or has a girlfriend and or a relationship has ended.  maybe he is in a step program.  sounds like he's sending mixed messages.  testing the waters (suggestive texts, flirts)  you just caught him off guard.

 is he the work friend you were supportive with?   tread lightly there - if he's in recovery. 

[GenXmuse]

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@chrystaltree wrote:

I

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@GenXmuse wrote:

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@chrystaltree wrote:

He's been a platonic friend to you, an older woman, for all these years.  He never gave you any reason that he had romantic feelings for you.  You want more than friendship from him now and it's unfortunate that you awkwardly blundered your way in asking him for it. I don't believe he sent you mixed messages.  Finding a romantic partner is hard for older women and you heard what you wanted to hear.   If he's pretending that nothing happened, if it seems like he wants be your friend and you want that too, you could just go back to normal and never mention what transpired.   But if you feel that you killed the friendship and it cannot be repaired, send him a text and be honest.  Tell him you have unreciprocated feelings for him so it's best that you don't see or speak to each other again.    

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He sent her sexual texts, so she's not just having some pie in the sky dream you're insinuating. Your reply just sounds like you want to cut her down and snicker about it. 

We don't know what those texts said or the context but as a woman, I have seen women misinterpret things men say.  If a man wants a relationship with a woman, especially one they know; they go for it.  They don't play coy girly games.   There's snicker about here, it's unfortunate that op lost a friendship because of a misunderstanding.  

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Haha, okay, well, as a woman myself I think you're assuming a lot you don't know and in a way that is intended to knock her down a notch for thinking someone could be interested in her AND as a woman, HER opinion is just as important, if, not more than yours. 

As someone who is an older woman yourself, you should know that. 

[ECBG]

Sorry, but you need to get on with your life.  It's impossible to change a person.  If he's not wanting to commit then the relationship is one sided.

Stay busy and good luck on finding the perfect one. Crossing fingers for you!!!!!!

[HLP]

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@manny2 wrote:

@Luvsmyfam " He wouldn't give a direct answer" that speaks volumes. You do deserve better. You make the decision, and move on. Don't wait around for him to do it. 

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HE"S NOT INTERESTED!!!!!!!!!!!

[Black Cat Back]

I have a friend who I've known for over 6 years.  We had feelings for each other, he confided in me when he was separated from his wife but we were never intimate.  He has 2 children which probably kept him from moving on with me once his marriage had ended.  When I'd date other men, he was jealous.  We could be friends even though we couldn't make the relationship more than it was.  But back then, I was satisfied.  I cared about him and loved having his friendship in my life.

In the last few months, he hasn't answered texts as much, doesn't call anymore.  I did send a text asking if something was wrong and that I feel the difference in the relationship.  I gave him an out saying if our lives have gone in different directions, I get it, but it would be easier if he would let me know that instead of just ignoring me.  He hates criticism (it really wasn't criticism) and he kept doing it totally ignoring my feelings.  I finally stopped initiating any interaction, which was hard for me. 

But now he will come around once in awhile and send me a text as if all is well.  If I don't respond immediately, he then texts, "Where are you?"  Either he wants to stay away or not, but it hurts when he only gives me crumbs.   I have hit a threshold where I won't take his coming in and out of my life on his terms and have set boundaries now and have turned away, no matter how painful.  I tried as hard as I could to keep the friendship from dying.  

I would say stop texting and initiating any communication.  If he wants to continue being friends, he will let you know that.  You never want to close the door on any friendship as others have said, they are hard to come by, especially being alone like you and I are.  But, if he was a REAL friend to begin with, he won't close the door.  But the key is, the friendship has to be a two way street and not on one person's terms.

[Luvsmyfam]

@Katcat1 as of today,have not a word,which is nothing unusual from him.im over it,and kida a weight lifted. I am planning on taking him off my contacts.you only humiliate me once,then I move on.thank you for responding

[Luvsmyfam]

@ECBG thank you for your concern.yes,I'm over this and am moving on.ppl on the boards have been so kind giving advice and trying to make me feel better.i wished we all were neighbors

[Silver Lining]

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@Luvsmyfam wrote:

as you can guess,I wear my heart on my sleeve.my story goes like this:I've had a younger male friend for yrs.we have never been on a date,but he sometimes come to my home.he has fixed things for me,offered sometimes good advice, and just pretty easy to talk to.i now want more from this relationship.we discussed this today at my house.he could not give me a direct answer.so I take it,he's not interested.i am crushed and wondering if I should just cut him off completely. Please,woman to woman,I need advice.get rid of his number?not answer anymore of his txts?texts? Has always sent me mixed messages.i hope this subject is appropriate in here

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It's quite obvious that he is your friend with benefits. You said the two of you have never been on a date although he sends "sexy" texts and comes over occasionally. Don't you see that is a classic FWB. He may fix stuff around your house sometimes. It's just a penance so you will feel like at least you're getting something more than what you do. If you were his girlfriend he would be taking you out to eat, going places together, social events, and even simple things like shopping together, etc. You can go with the flow if you enjoy his visits once in a while and take them for what they are.