How would you handle this? - Page 4

catwhisperer · ‎07-11-2010

@OhioAngel...there was a thread recently about hypochondriacs where I posted that I have had to distance myself from a relative and a couple of friends due to their almost daily non-stop whining about all their health issues. It never ends. Every day it's a new ailment. I tried to be supportive to these people for a long time, but they took advantage and it just went on and on and on. No more. I can't take it. I have my own problems to deal with.

Same with these boards. It seems to go way beyond just needing some temporary support. It just never ends with some people.

I promise to remind myself every day that I am strong, courageous, and resilient.

Kay Vee · ‎06-04-2016

Maybe try and find a community type health center where she could go and talk to a professional. Or maybe speak to a family member and suggest she speak with a professional. It's very sad

jannabelle1 · ‎09-12-2010

A "friend" who isn't a close friend, and who causes anxiety, wouldn't be someone I'd want to spend much time with. I have to disagree about sending cards or gift cards, etc. I think I'd keep my distance, and when (if) she contacts you, I'd be honest in a gentle way....."it's difficult for me to listen to nothing but health issues when we visit." Maybe that's not gentle, but it's close to what I'd say. Your first responsibility is to yourself and your own well-being. Good luck to you.

Lindsays Grandma · ‎03-10-2010

Sometimes you have to tell a friend how you feel. One of my dearest friends who passed away from breast cancer in 2011 was always upbeat and funny. We spoke on the phone every single day after she moved to another state, and I mean every day, sometimes twice. She was a great talker known for her gift of gab.

I began to notice a change and realized she was depressed. Because we were always upfront with one another I called her one day and told her that I, and some other friends, noticed she was depressed and suggested she see her doctor. I also advised her that it was becoming uncomfortable to talk with her. The day after we had that conversation she called me from her car and said she was on the way to see her doctor.

After the visit she again called me and told me she told her doctor her friends don't want to talk to her anymore because she is depressed and he agreed, she definitely was depressed and he prescribed antidepressant's for her. She called them her happy pills.

Perhaps you would feel uncomfortable to tell your friend how you feel and if so I guess the next best thing would be to discontinue the friendship. If you feel she would be open to your honesty than go for it. Continuing to visit a friend who causes you anxiety is unhealthy. Only you can be the judge of which way to go. Give it some thought and whichever path you take I wish you the very best.

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam

misscecille · ‎08-22-2010

Your friend sounds very lonely and afraid. I agree with other posters about sending an occasional card or a phone call. Actually, I have the opposite problem. I was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer in February. After going through chemo and radiation I found out it has returned. My problem is that's all my friends want to talk about with me. I've always been glass 1/2 full person and some of my friends aren't. I've explained to them I understand their fears, which I also share, but we have to be positive. I don't want this to be about me so perhaps your friend needs to accept her health issues and face them head on.

OhioAngel · ‎12-11-2014

OOPS QuailtyGal! I will watch out for that too!

CelticCrafter · ‎03-09-2010

The OP is the reason why I have limited contact and conversations with my in-laws.

It's all about doctor visits and ailments, referrals, co-pays, senior transportation...

It gets to be exhausting.

SeaMaiden · ‎03-10-2010

@NYC Susan wrote:
@SeaMaiden wrote:
I would drop her like a hot potatoe. You said she was not a close friend....so why put up with her and let her bring you down?

life is short enough and each of us has our own stuff to deal with without someone else ruining your day.

That is is what I would do.

"Why put up with her?" Because she's a friend. Yes, the OP said she's not a very close friend. But she's still a friend, and the OP said she doesn't want this friend to be upset. So she cares about her. Which is nice, and as it should be. Sometimes friends have to see each other through rough times. That's what friends do, whether they're best friends or close friends, or sometimes even just very casual friends.

"Drop her like a hot potato" is really harsh. Minimizing contact and pulling away from long visits is one thing, but simply dropping her is really mean. The woman is having health issues that are not her fault. How about a little compassion? Any of us at any time could have health problems that consume us and overwhelm our lives. And none of us would want all of our friends to drop us like a hot potato if that happened.

There are many ways for the OP to protect herself without being so cruel to this woman who she considers a friend. Read the posts above. Many posters have posted good ideas of ways to be helpful to her friend without sacrificing too much of herself. A litte distance is fine if necessary, IMO, but dropping her suddenly and completely is a terrible and selfish thing to do.

@NYC Susan Some people are users... some people are used... you have to allow yourself to be used by users... it is a choice a person makes. Take care of yourself FIRST. Then save others.....

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

@Lindsays Grandma, for clarification, was she depressed due to the cancer she had?

Regal Bee · ‎07-20-2017

@OhioAngel wrote:
I have a friend, not a really close one. She has many ongoing health issues and she talks about all this all the time. She gets upset and even mad when I and other friends dont visit.

But she will go on and on about every detail about her health issues and it sometimes can give me bad anxiety. Sometimes I will have the anxiety for hours after a visit. We try and change the subject but it doesnt help much since there is not alot to talk about since she doesnt get to get out very often.

She will even talk all about other peoples health and surgeries and on and on. I dont want her to be uspet but it is difficult to visit and go thru anxiety each time. Even her family rarely goes to see her. Any thoughts?

@OhioAngel I haven't read the replies but you stated that you are experiencing anxiety and for hours after a visit.....then you need to protect yourself.

I would be honest and gently tell her you cannot 'take' all this. If she cares about you, she will listen. If not.....you haven't lost a lot.

Good luck.