Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,837
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

I don't consider it making an appt., but I always let my father know what day and time I would like to come see him.  I always ask if it is convenient.  He lives in an independent living facility.  Sometimes they're having a program at the time I want to go, so we schedule a different time.  This doesn't bother me at all.  Are you wanting to just drop in?  I don't understand why scheduling a time is a bad thing.

The Bluebird Carries The Sky On His Back"
-Henry David Thoreau

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,168
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Everyone in our family has busy schedules; we always call or text to see when we can drop by and they do the same....never thought of it as "making an appointment"

Super Contributor
Posts: 474
Registered: ‎02-18-2016

That IS CRAZY.    NOT RIGHT.   NOT FAIR.  To me it shows a sign of INSECURITY on the new wifes side.    Yikes.    


Out of curiosity have you got to spend much time around the new wife ?


What are the feelings you have for each other.   ?    Does she seem happy

to know you ?   Interested in you and your family ?


Try not to overthink the situation too much.    Give them time to get settled

into their new life.   Make a phone call here  and there to see how they are

doing.    Sometimes....... a little time and distance could make all the difference.


Concentrate on you, your family,  and positives.   Stay positive and hopefully

a positive outcome eventually.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,223
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I would *oblige* and they would then have the same protocol, if they wanted to visit me.  


It's not like that in my family.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,152
Registered: ‎02-05-2018

Re: How would you feel?

[ Edited ]

I don't drop in on anyone without calling to arrange a date and time first. I don't like "drop in' visits and think they're rude.


If I "happen to be in the area" where my friends are and I want to see them, I will call and ask if they want to meet me somewhere for lunch or drinks. That gives them the opportunity to say no, meet me wherever without having to worry about a clean house, or invite me over. It's THEIR choice because I am an unexpected visitor and it's not for me to decide how they spend their time.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,368
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

I personally think it’s weird. My parents were divorced and only Father married the woman he had the affair with so we never visited him. We saw him everyday at Moms House. And that continued always including all holidays and birthdays. 


After we married, we didn’t call to make an appointment. We called to see if she was going to be home and if she needed anything. Mom didn’t drive. And if she didn’t have plans, we’d go over. We all had keys and if we just happened to drop by and she wasn’t home we could go in with no issues. 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,253
Registered: ‎03-15-2010

Sounds like there's some information we don't know.


Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,253
Registered: ‎03-15-2010

Grow up.


@haddon9 wrote:

@OhioAngel wrote:

The back story is my parent got married for a second time about 8 years after death of other parent.


They are living in family home that was my home always.  I have had my own place though for 10 years. 


I thought I would always always be welcome in my family home no matter what.


I love my new step parent so it is not that.


I dont drop in on them all the time.


I talked to my parent about this and they said you are welcome any time. But it is not true. The step parent did not weigh in on this but to say let us know what day and time you want to come over.


Maybe the step parent is more comfortable with their kids coming over anytime is because it is their kids.


I do not want to upset anyone or cause trouble between anyone so I guess I will have to accept this new normal.


Thank you very much to all that replied to me.

I don't see how calling to let them know in advance is a problem.  My own son will often do just that....he'll suddenly stop by and surprise us.  It's very nice to see him and he's always welcome, but I prefer for him to call first.  Sometimes we have plans to go out, sometimes I just want to straighten up a bit  or buy a few groceries (when he comes it's usually for overnight).  


Then there are times I'm wearing old paint splattered clothing because I have an Etsy business which is messy and I would prefer to look nice even if it's just my son stopping by....a phone call is not a big deal today with everyone having a cell phone.  Give me the courtesy of a call so I can freshen up!