How do you tell a 'friend' - Page 6

Teddie · ‎03-10-2010

@Emma Bunting wrote:
I once gave a "friend" the loosies by employing the famous, passive-aggressive method used by Barneby the Scrivner (Herman Melville).

"I would prefer not to". Lol....really catches people off guard, as you are not providing a reason, or excuse, or obvious lie. You just choose not to get together.

In other words, you don't need to lie...and you don't owe this person anything if you don't want to continue the relationship. Just say "No thanks". Period. That way you don't have to lie and say you're busy all the time.

It's not for everyone as we are so conditioned to telling people "why". So you might be uncomfortable. But I would have been more uncomfortable lying.

Agree with this, @emma bunting . I would never want to get into the habit of lying. It’s wrong for me and I also wouldn’t feel comfortable to keep avoiding someone until they stopped contacting me. I wouldn’t want anyone to do that to me.

Relationships can be tricky and complicated—I sure understand that.

ScarletDove · ‎07-11-2010

My mother was a wise woman of few words and she always would make little statements at the right time....one I always remember was her comments about certain "friends" of mine...she/he seems like a "fair-weather friend". She planted a seed that day! I never forgot that wisdom and how right she was for I have heard those words in my mind with "so-called" friends over the years. She taught me to see the difference between friends and acqaintenances! Thank you, Mom!

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@mintedrose wrote:
Thanks everyone for the advice. Letting this fade isnt gonna be a problem for me. However, I know in the past (7 years ago) I stopped reaching out to her because it was the same then, she made it seem like she was too busy with her kids and I stopped invitations to get together. Then we ran into each other at an event and she blamed me for not reaching out to her, making it sound like it was me to stopped contact.

I dont know about you but I cringe when someone says things like that to me because its not true. Im always there for people when they need me but when I need someone guess what, nothing. They're too ****** busy!!! Its starts wearing a person out. I agree that I should be upfront with her. And let her know what she's doing on her part thats ruining our friendship.

So what you really want is screaming shouting argument because you are hurt because she's just not that interested in being your friend.

Hayfield · ‎03-10-2010

I know how it feels to have to let a friendship go, it hurts and it's disappointing, always being on the end doing everything, making the plans, etc., I've never figured out why people wait for the other person to make contact, plans and never think to do it themselves. I have a friend that recently mentioned going out together with our husbands for our birthday dinner since our birthdays are a week apart. A month ago I gave her 4 dates to pick from and she didn't get back to me, two weeks later I asked her if she decided what day was good and she said that she'd been busy and forgot and she'd get back to me, she didn't. She had book club and mentioned again how we have to get together for our birthday dinner, all the dates I gave her have past, so we'll have to pick new dates, which is fine but do I have to do it again????? She dropped of a little something for my birthday and told my husband how we have to get together! I'm perplexed to say the least.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

Some people are planners and some aren't. Some seem the ones who do the calling, but if the one who answers is pleased to be called, does it matter?

If I don't like the topic, I change the subject. I have a neighbor who has health issues so her life revolves around doctor appointments and tests. That's on her mind and what she chooses to talk about. I listen for a bit, than ask her about the job she had before she retired, where she and her husband met, which leads to our first apartments, and misadventures with cooking, old neighbors...

If you aren't enjoying the conversation, change the subject.

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

Maybe you could say something when she says she hasn't seen you in a while like, "I'm a little tired of the long drive" or, "why don't you come my way next time"? It sounds like there needs to be some give and take in this relationship (for you) for the relationship to survive.

Mention a few things and see what happens. If it always has to go her way than you will have to decide if it's worth it to you or not. I think good friends are sometimes few. Many people are happy with "aquaintances" they enjoy occasionally but wouldn't really be considered a serious friendship and that's ok, too.

Tinkerbell3 · ‎03-10-2010

Why do you allow her to schedule your get-togethers? YOu can also reach out and plan. Invite her to come to you next time and see if she does!

CherryHugs · ‎07-21-2014

I would and have never told a friend i didnt want to be friends. I just stop contacting them or doing things with them.

Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge into the light. —Helen Keller

Duckncover · ‎07-16-2021

If she is too busy to sit down and chat, she isn't a friend. If she isn't willing to drive the same distance to see you, then stop driving to see her. If you really want to keep the door open to friendship, invite her to meet you for lunch at a restaurant halfway between your homes. If she doesn't accept or show up, move on without her.