Among Friends

[mintedrose]

Thanks everyone for the advice. Letting this fade isnt gonna be a problem for me. However, I know in the past (7 years ago) I stopped reaching out to her because it was the same then, she made it seem like she was too busy with her kids and I stopped invitations to get together. Then we ran into each other at an event and she blamed me for not reaching out to her, making it sound like it was me to stopped contact.

I dont know about you but I cringe when someone says things like that to me because its not true. Im always there for people when they need me but when I need someone guess what, nothing. They're too ****** busy!!! Its starts wearing a person out. I agree that I should be upfront with her. And let her know what she's doing on her part thats ruining our friendship. 

[Wsmom]

@mintedrose , I think a lot of us have that type of friend.  Mine was a friend who 50% of the time would cancel, the other 50% when we would get together for coffee would take phone calls...I don't mean a quick one, I mean she would chat.

Finally when we were together and she got a phone call and started to chat I mouthed "gotta run" and waved and got up from the table.  She immediately hung up.

The next time she said let's get together sometime, I said no, that's ok.  I keep my schedule clear for you but when something better comes up you cancel at the last minute.  She said no, no, that's not it.  I said regardless, not worth me clearning my schedule when you will cancel.

And that was that.  And I never regretted it.  

[Q4u]

I had one of those once.  Exact way of handling me.  I thought "I don't ever want to hurt her feelings" but there was no concern for me.  I backed up and stopped being available.  And guess what?  It was as though it was not even noticed!  I just shake my head over it..... She only wanted me around as a sounding board for her never ending problems and no concern for me.  She must've found another listener while I declined..... It's okay how it turned out.

[Luvsmyfam]

@mintedrose I had to do the same thing with my used to be my best friend.her problem,she bragged about everything,including work husband,job ect.i got really tired of listening to it,so I ignored her calls,and didn't return txts.i didn't know any other way

[Tessa Mendoza]

Your "friend" is not a person worth even trying to maintain a friendship with.

I would just stop communicating with her....no answering texts, etc.  She'll get the message.

[Emma Bunting]

I once gave a "friend" the loosies by employing the famous, passive-aggressive method used by Barneby the Scrivner (Herman Melville). 

"I would prefer not to".    Lol....really catches people off guard, as you are not providing a reason, or excuse, or obvious lie. You just choose not to get together.  

In other words, you don't need to lie...and you don't owe this person anything if you don't want to continue the relationship. Just say "No thanks". Period. That way you don't have to lie and say you're busy all the time. 

It's not for everyone as we are so conditioned to telling people "why". So you might be uncomfortable. But I would have been more uncomfortable lying. 

[Catiele]

True friends don't treat each other that way. It happened to me once in my life. Told her that we had changed so much over the years. Sad because we met when we were twelve years old.

[GoneButNotForgotten]

No need to tell her; just kind of ignore her, don't text her or return her texts, same with emails, etc. Eventually she'll get the message and if she doesn't and asks you why, tell her the truth.

[Mayflowers]

I feel like my friends use me as their therapist and I never get to visit them in person.  These are old friends, but it's becoming upsetting and enlightening.  I'm starting to be less available for all the phone calls - the ones where they talk endlessly about themselves. I just need one real friend who can be there as a equal, not a user.  I know what you are feeling. It is very hard.

[RealtyGal2]

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@mintedrose wrote:

that you dont wanna be friends with them anymore? 

I have this friend who always wants to do things on her terms. I didnt mind so much before but now its getting old. I drive 45 mintures to see her but she never comes to where I live.

Last time is what really did it. She invited me over to visit. ( I think it was just to show off  her new house).  I told her I was on my way as I was driving up and she tells me that she totally forgot that she invited me!!  She had just texted me two days before. I mean I can understand that some people have so much on their mind but still you dont forget about inviting a friend over. I took a nice florist arranged boquet of flowers with a thoughtful card. The entire time I was there, she didnt even sit down with me to chat. All she did was dump her problems on me. She kept talking about issues with the house for the entire time and never really bothered to ask how I was doing. I just felt really bad. As I was leaving she says she'll arrange something for us again and I never hear from her. After two months she texts me apologizing (excuses) about why she disappeared. My time is valuable too and Im starting to feel used. ;(( 

Im not sure how to tell her that I no longer want to be her friend because I feel like I get taken advantage of. 

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I used to have a similar type of friend, but my friend was unkind to me and kept canceling plans at the last minute to do something with someone else, and did not understand why I was upset about that. I finally told her that it was too hard to be friends with her and I told her why. I regret that now because there will always be bad feelings between us from here on out. Don't tell your friend that you do not want to be friends. Just don't make any more plans to get together. Tell her you are busy or make some excuse. I still feel bad about what I said to my previous friend even though I do not regret the fact that I do not see her anymore.