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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,901
Registered: ‎05-15-2014

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

I agree with those who say to let it go.   People change and relationships change.  I have one friend who I recently had to do that with.  It's been years in the making.........many times she would call or text and say I will let you know what day next week we can get togther??   Next week would come and I would not hear from her.  Even times where she would literally make plans to pick me up for the beach or something on a certain day and never show up.  It was hurtful to me but I was the one who always reached out again. 

 

Recently is when I just gave up a 30 year friendship.   The four of us (including spouses) had dinner reservations and a concert planned with an overnight stay.   The night before she texted me canceling the plans saying they were too worried about the "varient" and would not be going.  The next evening my sister ran into them at a different event Smiley Sad  

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,561
Registered: ‎07-20-2017

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

@mintedrose   This is one of the best quotes I have ever heard and is so true. It really helped me a lot.

 

Don't let someone become a priority in your life, when you are an option in their life.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,968
Registered: ‎05-23-2015

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'


@Regal Bee wrote:

@mintedrose   This is one of the best quotes I have ever heard and is so true. It really helped me a lot.

 

Don't let someone become a priority in your life, when you are an option in their life.


@Regal Bee . That is one of my favorite quotes. 🍁

" You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts."
Daniel Patrick Moynihan
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,671
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

@mintedrose 


@mintedrose wrote:

that you dont wanna be friends with them anymore? 

 

I have this friend who always wants to do things on her terms. I didnt mind so much before but now its getting old. I drive 45 mintures to see her but she never comes to where I live.

 

Last time is what really did it. She invited me over to visit. ( I think it was just to show off  her new house).  I told her I was on my way as I was driving up and she tells me that she totally forgot that she invited me!!  She had just texted me two days before. I mean I can understand that some people have so much on their mind but still you dont forget about inviting a friend over. I took a nice florist arranged boquet of flowers with a thoughtful card. The entire time I was there, she didnt even sit down with me to chat. All she did was dump her problems on me. She kept talking about issues with the house for the entire time and never really bothered to ask how I was doing. I just felt really bad. As I was leaving she says she'll arrange something for us again and I never hear from her. After two months she texts me apologizing (excuses) about why she disappeared. My time is valuable too and Im starting to feel used. ;(( 

 

Im not sure how to tell her that I no longer want to be her friend because I feel like I get taken advantage of. 


I just ended a relationship similar to yours.. They don,t care about hurting your feelings or using you because you have manners and kindness.  I flat out good this person, I feel this friendship is one-sided and I need time out.  Like yours, she always called or emailed with problems for me to solve.   Never wanted to go anywhere, because too cheap to spend money.  There is no easy way, but just end it.  They are not true friends, but users.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 32,492
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

@mintedrose Why not just tell her what you said?  Then she can not be friends any more and be mad at you and not feel bad about it and wonder what she did wrong.  After more than 40 years. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,315
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

I just went thru this  with a "friend" I had for over 40 years---it was via test messaging and in Feb of 2020, she let her politics, the extreme far "right" ---get in the way of a conversation about covid--- she was insulting, mean and said so many awful things  that it was a gut punch as I had NEVER heard her say such things-----so that was the last time I heard from her--got a snarky b-day card  that June which I promptly shredded---have never spoken to her since. Am angry and so very sad. We went thru alot together -------

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,897
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

You have been too accommodating and given her the impression that you don't mind. Next time, tell her it's her turn to drive the 45 minutes and see what happens. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,889
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

I've been in a similar situation. There's no need to say anything about the gfriendship. If she calls, you're busy, or you can just not answer the phone if you recognize her number. Don't reply to texts. She should get the hint at some point.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,658
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'


@Vivian wrote:

I've been in a similar situation. There's no need to say anything about the gfriendship. If she calls, you're busy, or you can just not answer the phone if you recognize her number. Don't reply to texts. She should get the hint at some point.


@Vivian 

 

I agree, unfortunately it's been my experience in life that 'friends' are highly overrated.

 

Sometimes, 'family' is too......

 

That's why I prefer animals, at least they're honest about their feelings.Heart

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,781
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

@mintedrose 

 

I think you already know she's not a friend.  No need to tell anyone anything, when invited just say "no".   

 

No one is twisting your arm to go, you need to make your own decisions and stick to them. It takes two and seems like you are doing all the "running".