How do you tell a 'friend'

mintedrose · ‎03-04-2017

that you dont wanna be friends with them anymore?

I have this friend who always wants to do things on her terms. I didnt mind so much before but now its getting old. I drive 45 mintures to see her but she never comes to where I live.

Last time is what really did it. She invited me over to visit. ( I think it was just to show off her new house). I told her I was on my way as I was driving up and she tells me that she totally forgot that she invited me!! She had just texted me two days before. I mean I can understand that some people have so much on their mind but still you dont forget about inviting a friend over. I took a nice florist arranged boquet of flowers with a thoughtful card. The entire time I was there, she didnt even sit down with me to chat. All she did was dump her problems on me. She kept talking about issues with the house for the entire time and never really bothered to ask how I was doing. I just felt really bad. As I was leaving she says she'll arrange something for us again and I never hear from her. After two months she texts me apologizing (excuses) about why she disappeared. My time is valuable too and Im starting to feel used. ;((

Im not sure how to tell her that I no longer want to be her friend because I feel like I get taken advantage of.

~No act of kindness, no matter how small is ever wasted~ Aesop

candyagain · ‎04-11-2010

I don't think you need to tell her anything. Just be busy when she invites you to drive 45 minutes to her home and when she goes on about herself.

It sounds like there's little involvement on your part anyway. Don't need to tell her you're no longer friends - just let it fade away. No hurt feelings or scene.

WomanInTheMoon · ‎07-14-2021

@mintedrose I agree with @candyagain , just let things fade away. No reason to hurt anyone's feelings telling them you don't want to be friends.

A true friend would not treat you that way.

phoenixbrd · ‎03-27-2010

Agree with the other posters....just choose not to show up or be available. Focus on your life and release certain situations/people with kindness.

Grade1Teach · ‎03-09-2010

I agree with the others -- You can just kind of fade away or always be "busy."

However, if in your heart you really do like and care for this person (there must be a reason why you were friends in the first place), maybe you could tell her how you're feeling. If she values your friendship she might take a deeper look at how she has been acting and make an effort to change.

If not, then so long!

Nataliesgramma · ‎03-28-2015

I just let one of my friend relationships "fade". She always wanted to get together, but was always late, even though I let her pick the time. After she kept me waiting an hour in a resturaunt because she wanted to pick up yarn on the way, I am busy now when she suggests meeting.

We still talk on the phone to catch up, but no longer meet up for lunch.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@mintedrose This is not a friend, it is a one sided relationship. Trust me I have had a few and they drain you. Get out gracefully by being busy all of the time.

AngelPuppy1 · ‎03-13-2010

@mintedrose

If she has always been this way, then it's highly doubtful she will change her behavior at this point. A friend should not make you feel worse by having them in your life -- they should make you feel better. I would not really say to her that - I don't want to be friends with you. I would just not inititiate any plans with her. If she presses the point and should ever say something like --- why don't you want to get together or what is wrong, then I would tactfully try to tell her how you feel. And how she made you feel the last time you made the long trip to visit with her (at her invitation). I have parted ways over the years with a number of "friends" because I just couldn't take the inconsideration of my feelings and total lack of caring for anything that was going on in my life.

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin

ID2 · ‎06-25-2012

OP, oh gosh I am so sorry you feel like getting rid of a friend. How sad. I've always cherished my friends. As the saying goes..you can never have too many friends. Perhaps you can sit down and have a talk with yourself. I try to reassess myself often, making myself a better person.

"Pure Michigan"

jackthebear · ‎03-11-2010

@mintedrose wrote:
that you dont wanna be friends with them anymore?

I have this friend who always wants to do things on her terms. I didnt mind so much before but now its getting old. I drive 45 mintures to see her but she never comes to where I live.

Last time is what really did it. She invited me over to visit. ( I think it was just to show off her new house). I told her I was on my way as I was driving up and she tells me that she totally forgot that she invited me!! She had just texted me two days before. I mean I can understand that some people have so much on their mind but still you dont forget about inviting a friend over. I took a nice florist arranged boquet of flowers with a thoughtful card. The entire time I was there, she didnt even sit down with me to chat. All she did was dump her problems on me. She kept talking about issues with the house for the entire time and never really bothered to ask how I was doing. I just felt really bad. As I was leaving she says she'll arrange something for us again and I never hear from her. After two months she texts me apologizing (excuses) about why she disappeared. My time is valuable too and Im starting to feel used. ;((

Im not sure how to tell her that I no longer want to be her friend because I feel like I get taken advantage of.

you are

just be busy, return a call with a text "hi all well here" or similar,

and distance yourself

she can pay for therapy somewhere else