Among Friends

[mintedrose]

I hope i dont sound full of myself but I think my sister in law is starting to copy me a bit. Its flattering of course but it does bug me a little bit. A couple of years ago my husband bought me a designer cross body bag and I chose it in pink color. I dont really follow trends but go with what i like. Now, I had not seen many people wearing a pink handbag so I thought it was unique and therefore loved it. Next time we get together I see her with the same style of cross body bag, I mean almost identical from Coach in a pink color. So at that time i thought it was funny and cute. But the other day I see that she has the same color of phone case that I do which is rather unique as well. She ends up getting the same kinda car that i have. Shes got the same coat that I have, shes shopping in the same store I love. They're going to the same spot for vacation that we've gone. So now im starting to feel a bit weary about it. Im not sure if some people know that its not cool to copy others all the time because its just like stalking in a way. It violates something personal. Once in a while i dont mind that, but this is starting to get a bit weird for me. I brought it up to my husband and he said to just not share where we go next time. But its hard with clothes and accessories because its really personal. Shes not very fashion forward but dont literally copy everything of mine. I mean its just weird. I really wish I never shared anything with her. Its my fault. 

I just realized that i put this is the wrong category. Apologies. Maybe a moderator can move it to Among Friends? 

[Drythe]

@mintedrose

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.  

*** edited to add -

I know this can be annoying.  If it really bothers you, the next time she wears something you have that you know, she knows you have you might say something like:

'Oh!  I see you got the same dress I have, now we're TWINSIES!'  HUGE SMILE!

 And drop it.

I could say this to my SIL and it would and has go right over her head.  To be fair, her BIG thing is more one-up-manship.

Agree you best recourse is as you stated, share as little as possible, keep your ideas to yourself.

[Texasmouse]

@mintedrose it does sound a little over-the-top but I guess you could look at it like she must really admire you and your taste to copy you so much and that should be flattering.  If you don't want to be copied in the future, share as little as possible with her.

[eddyandme]

I've had people copy me before, it's no big deal, I figure we just like the same things.

The one exception:  it did irk me quite a bit when one of the neighbors copied my house colors, i.e., roof and trim.  They even came over 'cause they wanted the name/brand of the shingles and check them out up close.  Like they said, we're bookends on the street.  I got over it quickly, realizing it's no big deal that someone else has the same taste as you.

[Lilysmom]

@mintedrose, I don’t like it either and I am not flattered by it.  For me, the worst case was someone trying to get the same piece of commissioned art I had.  I said something about that one.  I simply commented that commissioned art is a personal choice and left it at that.  Message delivered.  I didn’t really care if the person liked it or not.  It took me 30 years to find the right artist for the piece I wanted.  I wasn’t rude but matter of fact.  LM

[LindaSal]

My sister in law does the same thing to me.  While I don't really mind that much about the material things, what bugs me is how she tends to copy my ideas.  We had gotten together a couple of years ago and I suggested that we all   (group of us that spend time together) go away to an inn or bed and breakfast for New Years eve.   Well she took it upon her self to book where she wanted to go, not where I had suggested.  That was all well and good and I just went along with it.   The thing that bothered me the most was the champagne toast made to her that evening for coming up with this great idea and how she took all the credit!!   That's only one example, so I've shyed away from sharing much with her in that regard.   Live and learn.

[phoenixbrd]

I would be flattered....doesn't bother me at all, in terms of purses or personal items;  taking credit for your work professionally is a different story.

[Venezia]

I wouldn't like it at all.  Once in a blue moon, ending up with the same or a similar item is one thing; doing it all the time is very odd.

Maybe the OP's S-I-L has an inferiority complex and doesn't trust her own fashion choices, but I'd try to steer her towards making her own choices.

[Kitlynn]

I think she probably really likes your style and it is possible she doesn't know what is fashionable or how to create her own style and look good. She may also have a hard time making decisions such as what vehicle she should get or where to go on a vacation. I understand your frustration but maybe you could take her shopping with you and pick out some different things that you think would look good on her. Have her try them on and then point out why they look good on her. She might just need some personal encouragement to find her own sense of style. You can also encourage her to choose things that speak to her and boost her confidence in decisions she makes. I think it is flattering that she mimics what you wear and choose. I also know it is not fun to see yourself coming and going especially when you feel like your style and choices should be your own. It is amazing though what a little encouragement might do.

[kittyloo]

maybe she knows how fashion challenged she is, and really likes your style. she may want to just do something similar, but can never get it quite right. so she has to copy you, because you always get it right.