Among Friends

[on the bay]

I wonder what the difference is between "holding a grudge" and just realizing someone's character is not someone you want to associate with or to put it another way, just realizing that the kind of person they are is not someone that you can respect or like.

I'd like to think I don't hold grudges, but one woman I don't think I can forget and not in a good way was a neighbor across the street.

Lots of reasons but when she made my young daughter cry for trying to help her-she ended up yelling at her-I just thought that's it.

But she had lots of "issues"-her young son wandered the nighborhood asking everyone for rides to school and would terrorize people and their yards. She just had more interest in men then her 3 children(from 3 different fathers and not married) Yet we had had some good conversations together in the past.

I know no one is perfect but some people are really not the kind of friends you want or can count on.

However, I wouldn't want to hold a grudge against family members as others have said.

[RedTop]

Christmas drama at my in-laws in 1990, set my husband off.  He said a mouthful to his parents, then he and the girls came home.   We had no communication whatsoever with his parents until a family wedding in November of 1992.   We did attend the wedding, we spoke to and were pleasant to everyone, but we left right after our girls ate cake.   

My MIL and her favoritism was the cause of that drama, and it was the one thing I despised her for until she died 7 years ago.   I put my personal feelings aside eventually, and made sure my family gave her respect for her position in the family.  I also made sure my husband was there for her the last months of her life.

My MIL never once apologized for what she did, but did attempt to make amends.   She gave my husband a special momento of his dad’s prior to her passing, and asked my SIL to offer special things to my daughters, and me, after her death.   I made sure my husband spent his inheritance on something he wanted, and the rest was split between our girls.    I have no fond memories of my MIL.    

[Mominohio]

I think there is holding a grudge and then there is just being done and moving on. And the person on the 'receiving' end of those, might not really know which it is. 

IF a relationship is to carry on, grudges don't make it work, and things have to be let go of, maybe on both sides. 

And sometimes when people think someone is holding a grudge, they are really just done, the last thing was the straw that broke the camel's back for them. They have been upset/offended/angry other times, but just either let it pass or didn't show it. The last time was just the end for them, and they are either holding a grudge, or more likely, done with the relationship, or the level the relationship once had, and are moving on. It really isn't a grudge but a state of being done with things they way they were.

[Snowpuppy]

Just know that when somebody "quits you" or tells you they have "moved on" it may mean they can't get anything else out of you, have drained you dry and exhausted you.

They just moved to another in a long line of people to victimize.

[Shanus]

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@this is my nic wrote:

I guess it could be called holding a grudge;  I think of it as protecting myself  from someone who hurt me;  they do not get another chance.  If they apologize, I might change my mind.  No apology, no association. 

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@this is my nic  I’m with you on this. After a 40 friendship, a “friend” left me off of her son’s wedding’s guest list. She’s attended both my kids’ wedding. I just let it go. When her grandson had a Bar Mitzvah, while others were included, again I was left out. No third chance for her. I got the message loud & clear, but couldn’t let it go until I said my peace, rather calm and ladylike. She gave me BS story that she was limited to the number she could invite, but all her neighbors (some only known for 2 yrs.) were included. I let her know that this was hurtful to me to be slighted TWICE and considered the friendship over, unless she had a more believable excuse. I never heard from her again...it’s been over a year now. I’m very sensitive...yes, me. Most people don’t get a 3rd chance to inflict hurt. 

[Shanus]

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@Imaoldhippie wrote:

The Good Book says to forgive. 

If you hold a grudge it will affect your mental and physical well being and take over your life.

Forgiveness is very hard to do but it can be done.  I am still working on forgiving my mother.

I do have someone that still holds a grudge against me and its been close to 50 yrs ago.  His problem not mine.

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@Imaoldhippie  Holding on to a grudge or hurt takes too much energy. Letting go, even if it means ending a relationship, is quite freeing. 

[Imaoldhippie]

@Shanus.................Amen sister!

[Shanus]

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@Imaoldhippie wrote:

@Shanus.................Amen sister!

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@Imaoldhippie  A second Amen back at ya!

[YorkieonmyPillow]

@Shanus  Wow, that is dirty!!!

I think with *some* women, they get jealous, or resentful, and it comes out like that......so petty!

You are better off....

[sunala]

I found this quote in a crossword puzzle magazine many years ago, and it still sticks: 

“Don't carry a grudge; while you're carrying a grudge, the other guy's out dancing.” ~ Buddy Hackett~