High road or Reality road? - Page 3

FrostyBabe1 · ‎05-09-2016

@hyacinth003 wrote:
@Nbo wrote:
Call the agency that you need paperwork from in order to handle insurance company and asked to resend paperwork to you. You are in charge of the estate so you have proof if they need it. Then hire a lawyer. Your relationship with your brother is over for the near future. They are hiding something or just wanting to make your life miserable. Let's blame your brother because he knows what's going on. He is more at fault then his wife because he is your brother. I am sorry that instead of mourning your dad together you are having to deal with this. But please take control and hire a lawyer.
@Nbo

I have a lawyer, and am considering reporting this to the postal service and considering reporting elder abuse. Taking money from a 92 year old man with significant dementia is nothing but wrong, in my personal and professional opinion. She also stole thousands from my inheritance doing that. But my main grief is what she did to someone she said "she loved him like a father." Well, he WAS my father and I took NOTHING.

Hyacinth

Yes, yes, yes!!! This is what I've been trying to tell you regarding the use of your Dad's funds to pay off the Corvette loan. You've said that you don't want to spend money on attorney fees to sue them, but that's not how it would work. You wouldn't be suing. You'd be working with the prosecuting attorney. It will cost you time, but the prosecutors office bears the cost of prosecution, if they determine there is sufficient evidence to proceed. Who knows what else they would uncover?

~The more someone needs to brag about how wonderful, special, successful, wealthy or important they are, the greater the likelihood that it isn't true. ~

PINKdogWOOD · ‎05-13-2010

@hyacinth003 I surely feel for you in this saga. These things never or rarely go well. I know this to be true when DH's G'Mother passed. His family seemed to (or pretended to) welcome me with open arms and loved me as a part of their clan. When she died (G'Father died first a few yrs prior to) the executor totally turned on me and his wife acted the meek little closed mouth subservent sat in a chair and just went along with every harsh, cruel thing he threw at me in front of my DH. The family was never the same except for those who sided with DH & me. What a split, something that we never in a million years expected from the uncle/exec.

Anonymous032819 · ‎03-29-2019

@hyacinth003

I'm sorry that you are going through this, but at the risk of sounding like a broken record, you need to stand up for yourself, and to stop trying to be "nice".

Your brother and his wife are not being nice to you, so why in the hell should you be nice to them?

It just makes you look like a doormat, in their eyes, and they know that they can walk all over you, because they know that you won't fight back, because they know that you want to honor your father's wish of "no fighting".

Don't you see?

Your brother and his wife is using that promise against you!

They are using that promise to their advantage, not yours!

If you can't see that, then I don't know what else to say.

Yes, like everybody else has said, and has been saying since this whole thing began, get a lawyer!

Get the meanest, toughest, fiercest lawyer that you can, who will fight for YOU, but DON'T tell your brother and sister-in-law that you are.

Let them be shocked.

Your brother is an adult, and it is obvious that he has made his choice as to where his loyalty lies, and you have to accept the fact that it is his wife, and not you.

Time drop him, and move on.

Harsh, but true.

The Sky looks different when you have someone you love up there.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

There's nothing you can do except take the high road. You have that poisoned relationship with your SIL so you see everything through that lens. As the executor of the estate, you can go to the post office to straighten out the address situation. Perhaps you are right about your brother and his wife but perhaps you are wrong. Mail could very be sitting on someone's desk or in a drawer at the assisted living center. The post office can resolve that for you.

CelticCrafter · ‎03-09-2010

I would do change of address cards again with the post office, 4 in total if it were me.

Two for the Estate of changing the address of the assisted living and your brothers address to yours and then two more for Mr. John Smith at both locations.

RetRN · ‎10-01-2013

Your brother and SIL have treated you with total disrespect and are hiding things from you. You need to look out for yourself and get a good lawyer.

Let go of your brother and SIL as they are cheats and liars. You do not need them in your life. They will only continue to hurt you emotionally and financially. Selfish and hateful people do not change. I wish you all the best.

geezerette · ‎03-16-2010

If your brother and sister-in-law are getting access to your father's documents, it could be the fault of whichever entity is giving them to them without proper documentation that they are entitled. Some entities require very little proof, while others are a hassle to work with even if you do have proper documented identification. In the case of the nursing home, they seem to be familiar with your relatives and probably go through this often and just want to be done with your father's affairs ASAP.

I agree that if you need further documentation from someone, you should contact that entity directly. If you continue to have problems with your relatives' interference to the point that you can't do your job as executor effectively, or if you feel they are taking anything that they are not entitled to, I would no longer try to handle the estate myself. I'd hand it over to your attorney. I know you don't want to do that, but unfortunately, it sounds like your relatives may be forcing your hand. I also don't think your father would want you to be so stressed. Attorneys deal with these situations all the time.

I'm sorry that you have been placed in this situation. It's hard enough to deal with a parent's death, let alone have to fight other family members to do so.

❤️🕊🙏

alicedee · ‎07-25-2010

@hyacinth003 I'm truly sorry you are going through such a mess. Your Dad didn't name your brother Executor for a reason......seems like he understood the character of both brother and his wife.

As a few others have said, at this point the relationship with your brother has been severely damaged. It will never be the same, because trust has been broken. He seems very willing to lie, cheat and steal to his and his family's benefit. Not someone I would want to be close to anyway, relative or not.

I would consult a lawyer, and share no further info with them. If you need info, have the lawyer contact them. At this point I would be so mad I would rather that assets go to legal fees, rather than to them! (But an unbiased lawyer can help you think practically, not emotionally!).

Definitely take whatever Executor's fee is allowed. Not a thing wrong with that....and I have a feeling your Dad would approve.

Sweetbay magnolia · ‎04-14-2013

I hope you can feel better soon. Grief is so empty. I never knew a father I could love, trust, nor respect, and when he passed I was not sad.

That's a hole I filled up in a completely other way.

Here's to life, lived well each day.

Cogito ergo sum

PamfromCT · ‎05-22-2014

As so many have said, let an experienced attorney handle this situation. I feel badly for you. What some people do for the love of money is beyond belief. Turn this over to an attorney and realize your brother and his wife are just shameful people.

Attorneys see these cases and know how to deal with issues like this. Peace to you. I wish you all the best.