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Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,213
Registered: ‎09-18-2010

Re: High road or Reality road?

@hyacinth003   Vent away!  Get all your frustration out!  Your SIL is determined to circumvent you at all costs.  She is challenging you at every turn.  Due to her actions, it has ruptured your relationship with your brother and it will never return to what it was.

 

There is no high road, only reality!  If it will make you feel better, tell her off in no uncertain terms.  Get it off your chest!  Your brother is passive and allows his wife to do as she pleases, this will not change.

 

Make sure you take the Executor's fee, the maximum amount which you are legally entitled to receive.  This will annoy and anger her no end.

Super Contributor
Posts: 321
Registered: ‎09-18-2019

Re: High road or Reality road?

@

 

I was just thinking about you the other day and was hoping that things had settled down. But I guess not. I am sorry for you that you are going through this.. If I was you, I would take the high road until all is settled. Then decide if you want a relationship with your brother. .

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,407
Registered: ‎07-07-2010

Re: High road or Reality road?

@hyacinth003  I am so sorry that you are going through this.  It is time to take the reality road with your partner, a lawyer.

The next time that I hear salt and ice together, it better be in a margarita!
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,997
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: High road or Reality road?


@lolakimono wrote:

@hyacinth003 

When I have had mail forwarded, it has stickers on it like this:

Image result for forward mail label from post office

 

Are you saying that not a single piece of mail has come from your brother and SIL in an envelope?  I would think it would be easy to spot.


@lolakimono 

 

I have gotten NOTHING from them looking like this.  Yet there have been 2 pieces of mail sent to me in an envelope from sister-in-law with the address of the assisted living on it. My brother claims not to know anything about it.  Since I filed for the change of address, I have gotten 2 pieces of mail with the forwarding stickers on them.  I wondered if one of them went to the assisted living and picked it up.  They certainly would have no business taking mail from there, and no one reported them doing that - just that they have gotten no mail there.

 

It's bugging me because I have further work to do that I need certain documents for.  For all the anger and resentment shown me, I have had a LOT of work to do.  They don't have any idea of how much work is involved.  Just trying to track this down took me a few hours.

 

Hyacinth

Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,641
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: High road or Reality road?


@hyacinth003 wrote:

Another chapter in my saga over my Dad's Will.  Please take into account I am venting at this point.

 

I think I have come upon another revelation.  I have filed a change of address for my Dad's mail.  I learned I cannot trust my sister-in-law (and maybe brother) to forward any mail coming to their house.  If it is forwarded, it has all been opened, despite my request that it is all Estate business and should not be opened.

 

My dad was in an assisted living center, and received mail there.  When I wrapped up his business at the assisted living center, I was told they would forward his mail to me once a week.  I have not received ONE piece of mail from them.  I need some documents to complete a claim with his insurance company.  I have asked my brother for them in case they came to his house - none given.

 

I spent a lot of time making calls today to track this down.  I spoke to TWO people from TWO different departments at the assisted living, who both told me they have NOT received any mail for him.  I called Medicare, and they said they have mailed things to the assisted living address.

 

The only thing I can think of is that SOMEONE filed a change of address from the assisted living center to come to their house - namely my brother and sister-in-law's.  As of my dad's passing, ALL his mail, etc. belongs to his Estate, namely me, as the Executor.  I think I have dealt with the practical side - his mail coming to my address now.

 

The high road would be to just carry on.  The road would be to present (confront) my brother and his wife that I have figured it out.  This may fall into the category of mail fraud or whatever.  I am not a doormat, but I can't help but wonder what would my Dad have me do.

 

Hyacinth


Lawyer

Super Contributor
Posts: 270
Registered: ‎09-10-2019

Re: High road or Reality road?

Call the agency that you need paperwork from in order to handle insurance company and asked to resend paperwork to you. You are in charge of the estate so you have proof if they need it. Then hire a lawyer. Your relationship with your brother is over for the near future. They are hiding something or just wanting to make your life miserable. Let's blame your brother because he knows what's going on. He is more at fault then his wife because he is your brother. I am sorry that instead of mourning your dad together you are having to deal with this.  But please take control and hire a lawyer.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,997
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: High road or Reality road?


@Somertime wrote:

@hyacinth003   Vent away!  Get all your frustration out!  Your SIL is determined to circumvent you at all costs.  She is challenging you at every turn.  Due to her actions, it has ruptured your relationship with your brother and it will never return to what it was.

 

There is no high road, only reality!  If it will make you feel better, tell her off in no uncertain terms.  Get it off your chest!  Your brother is passive and allows his wife to do as she pleases, this will not change.

 

Make sure you take the Executor's fee, the maximum amount which you are legally entitled to receive.  This will annoy and anger her no end.


@Somertime 

 

You are correct that my relationship with my brother is forever damaged now.  It is possible that I will disregard both of them after this.  I have already had a screaming fight with her when I found out she was making phone calls to where some of my Dad's money is.  She challenged what I had shared with my brother that had to be done to release the money.  Turns out there was even additional work to be done on it, so I had further follow up.  I told her to STAY OUT of the Estate business, and this led to my mentioning the payoff of the car and other things.  I had been silent up to that point.

 

I then shared a letter with him that I received outlining the documentation needed to get the funds released.  Now I regret sharing anything.  From now on, they will hear no updates from me.  I told my brother everything I was doing, said "yes" to any request he asked of me, and followed through on plans they made without consulting me.  My conscience is 100% clear, so they have made this situation now.

 

I had never planned on asking for an Executor fee.  Due to it being my closest family, I was just going to do it all.  With all the sadness and grief (unnecessary) put on me, I will seriously reconsider this.

 

Hyacinth

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,997
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: High road or Reality road?


@Nbo wrote:

Call the agency that you need paperwork from in order to handle insurance company and asked to resend paperwork to you. You are in charge of the estate so you have proof if they need it. Then hire a lawyer. Your relationship with your brother is over for the near future. They are hiding something or just wanting to make your life miserable. Let's blame your brother because he knows what's going on. He is more at fault then his wife because he is your brother. I am sorry that instead of mourning your dad together you are having to deal with this.  But please take control and hire a lawyer.


@Nbo 

 

I have a lawyer, and am considering reporting this to the postal service and considering reporting elder abuse.  Taking money from a 92 year old man with significant dementia is nothing but wrong, in my personal and professional opinion.  She also stole thousands from my inheritance doing that.  But my main grief is what she did to someone she said "she loved him like a father."  Well, he WAS my father and I took NOTHING.

 

Hyacinth

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,843
Registered: ‎06-10-2015

Re: High road or Reality road?

Wow what a mess and I am sorry you are having to deal with it all.

 

If it were me I would tell brother that you are getting ready to hire a lawyer to look into your dads affairs as you think there is a case of fraud, and ask brother if there is anything that him and wifey poo is hiding?  

 

I do think you need to seriously look into hiring a lawyer as a consultant or something.

 

Best of luck

BE THE PERSON YOUR DOG THINKS YOU ARE! (unknown)
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,904
Registered: ‎03-20-2010

Re: High road or Reality road?

What proof do you have that your brother and sister-in-law are doing anything wrong?  I am just seeing a lot of assumptions on your part.

Someday, when scientists discover the center of the Universe....some people will be disappointed it is not them.