Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,997
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Another chapter in my saga over my Dad's Will.  Please take into account I am venting at this point.


I think I have come upon another revelation.  I have filed a change of address for my Dad's mail.  I learned I cannot trust my sister-in-law (and maybe brother) to forward any mail coming to their house.  If it is forwarded, it has all been opened, despite my request that it is all Estate business and should not be opened.


My dad was in an assisted living center, and received mail there.  When I wrapped up his business at the assisted living center, I was told they would forward his mail to me once a week.  I have not received ONE piece of mail from them.  I need some documents to complete a claim with his insurance company.  I have asked my brother for them in case they came to his house - none given.


I spent a lot of time making calls today to track this down.  I spoke to TWO people from TWO different departments at the assisted living, who both told me they have NOT received any mail for him.  I called Medicare, and they said they have mailed things to the assisted living address.


The only thing I can think of is that SOMEONE filed a change of address from the assisted living center to come to their house - namely my brother and sister-in-law's.  As of my dad's passing, ALL his mail, etc. belongs to his Estate, namely me, as the Executor.  I think I have dealt with the practical side - his mail coming to my address now.


The high road would be to just carry on.  The road would be to present (confront) my brother and his wife that I have figured it out.  This may fall into the category of mail fraud or whatever.  I am not a doormat, but I can't help but wonder what would my Dad have me do.



Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,967
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: High road or Reality road?

@hyacinth003    I would take a guess that most dads would have their daughter take the "high road"........


I am so sorry you have to go thru this legal mess.   (The exact same thing happened to a close friend of mine, and I know what she went thru.)  di

♥Surface of the Sun♥
Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,491
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: High road or Reality road?

While I think you will start out taking the high road, there will be a time when you end up confronting them about it.  Similar to how you eventually confronted them about paying off the Corvette.


I also still believe she is hiding something else, something bigger and this has nothing to do with SIL being nosy or wanting control.  I think she's trying to hide something else from you and that's why she has been making sure she gets the mail.

QVC Shopper - 1993

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,742
Registered: ‎01-02-2015

Re: High road or Reality road?

At this point it sounds like you need a lawyer .....

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,611
Registered: ‎12-27-2010

Re: High road or Reality road?

If Medicare was informed of his death, they would not mail anything to him immediately after notification I'd think.
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,602
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: High road or Reality road?

I am sorry you are still dealing with this on top of grieving for your father. 
Take the high road here and in the future when this is all settled just stay away. They both showed thier true colors here and they are not worth it. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 54,451
Registered: ‎03-29-2012

Re: High road or Reality road?


When I have had mail forwarded, it has stickers on it like this:

Image result for forward mail label from post office


Are you saying that not a single piece of mail has come from your brother and SIL in an envelope?  I would think it would be easy to spot.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,652
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: High road or Reality road?

[ Edited ]

@hyacinth003 , I wouldn't beat around the bush.  Ask them face to face.  If they lie then file that away mentally and let that inform your interactions with them going forward.  No need for a showdown unless that is what you are looking for.  I wouldn't expend the emotional energy myself.  You have enough on your plate as it is.  Take the high road.  LM

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,278
Registered: ‎10-14-2016

Re: High road or Reality road?

Whenver you are faced with another obstacle you must ask yourself one question:


Do I want a relationship with my brother in the future?


If that answer is yes, you should ALWAYS take the high road. 


If working with them becomes too cumbersome, tell them you will hire an attorney to do the rest of the estate.  The fees will come out of the estate.  Perhaps if the wife hears that she will be more cooperative.


Good Luck

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,311
Registered: ‎12-14-2018

Re: High road or Reality road?



My heart is literally breaking for you. So sorry and it is so sad and so unnecessary. I don’t think I could ever go through it again and it’s 13 yrs now. My only brother 11 mos younger literally stole at least $50k in cash from me when Mama died. But it was how he did like I’m so stupid and I was well trusting - no more.


So — sit down, buckle up and start doing whatever you need to do. Get a post office box and get that mail changed and keep your mouth shut. I, too, had a SIL involved and she getting uglier looking every day.


Sorry sweetie time for a reality check.


Good luck you’re gonna need it.