Among Friends

[beckyb1012]

I had a client just stop by this morning and he retired 17 years ago.  His wife will have her last day of work tomorrow on the 31st.  He told me this will be interesting to say the least.  I suppose it does work both ways on loosing that all day alone in your own space. 

Good luck @pattypeep  buy him a Fishing Pole maybe??

[Pook]

@pattypeep  I would talk to him about his retirement and that when he is retired he needs to do his

share so I would talk to him now about it and ask him which chores he wants to take over since it's only fair he share the work.  Maybe he would be willing to foot the bill for a househkeeper rather than having to help which would give you less to do.  I sure wouldn't keep doing it all and would just tell him what you are leaving for him to do if he balks at the idea.  I would pick things that are more of a benefit for him such as his laundry, what he eats, picking up after him, etc.   He would have to eventually have clean clothes and cannot do without eating.  Even if he didn't want to cook he could get takeout for both of you on days he was to provide the food.  My SO and I retired at the same time and the joke among our friends and former co workers is who is going to do away the other one first!  It was an adjustment at first.  We often have different tastes in what to watch so one goes upstairs to watch and the other stays downstairs.  Usually when I cook he does the dishes and when he does I do the dishes.  The only meal we do together is supper since we don't eat lunch and he sleeps later than me and has cereal late morning.  We were never a couple joined at the hip and often did our own thing.  He also always did his share of household chores including cooking and always did his own laundry.  I am the constant talker and he reads a lot.  It was difficult to adjust to not bothering him with my constant chattering and I was lonely at first but it's working.   I would say find your quiet time in a room away from him daily.  Just don't go into it resenting having him around.  It will all work out if you are honest with him about what is botherine you.   Remind him that if something happens and you can't keep doing all that you do he needs to know how.

Good Luck!

[gtx]

One thing that works for us is I have my TV and computer in the bedroom and he has his TV and tablet in the family room. I can't watch TV with him because he talks all the way through every program and broadcast. Also he loves to get in his truck and run errands and I like to stay at home. This gives us some time apart.

[Azcowgirl]

@pattypeep I was nervous too but it has been a year now since DH retired and  it has worked out just fine! 

I too cherish my alone time and that’s how I re energize ...

 I am a big sewing enthusiast and he has gotten interested in wood working projects. You’ll find that it works out.

May you have many many years of good times together 😊

[LTT1]

@pattypeep

I will think about your question.

Our situation was a bit different than yours.

Will BBL to list anything I can think of.💗💗💗

[Nightowlz]

LOL!!! I will be in the same boat as you in a few years.

DH might decide to work longer since I told him once he retires he can do some of this house cleaning I have been doing for 43 years. I'm sick of doing it. LOL!!! He did not like that.

I told him no way was he going to be sitting around drinking whiskey plus smoking his cigars while I do it all. Not happening.

I need a vacation from it all & not a vacation where I still have to cook meals & do laundry.

He does enjoy cooking. He keeps his things picked up. I'm tired of walking across the floor & all I can hear is crunch crunch from all the dirt he brings in so he can get used to cleaning it up.

I also like my quiet time plus sometimes he is a non-stop talking. Sometimes I just have to get up & leave the room but then he follows me like a little puppy.

I don't have any noise in the house right now so it's peaceful.

I will probably go nuts when he retires.

Good Luck.

[HLP]

I'M WITH YOU, GOING ON 19 YEARS SINCE i LOST MY HUSBAND, AND i MISS HIM EVERY DAY. CAN NOT BELIEVE THESE WOMAN WHO HAVE TO HAVE A TALK WITH YOUR HUSBAND TO SET THINGS STRAIGHT. WAIT TILL YOU LOSE HIM, THEN PLEASE COME BACK AND TELL US HOW GREAT IT IS TO BE ALONE AGAIN. SHAME ON EVERY ONE OF YOU.

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@tassimo wrote:

Just be thankful he’ll be around.  Enjoy all his faults.  I wish I could hear my husband’s voice once more or pick up what he’s thrown around. Enjoy your time with him.

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[Venezia]

@HLP- I don't think there's any need to scold other women who are simply discussing the adjustment that many face when one partner retires.

I'm sure no one here would dismiss the trauma of losing a spouse, but retirement does change the dynamics of a relationship and good, healthy couples can and do discuss these things.

[Vivian]

My husband and I retired ten years ago. Having a fixed schedule provided a good transition from work to retirement. We get up early and go to the YMCA every morning, He works out on machines. I go to dance aerobics. We do our errands afterwards, sometimes go out to lunch with friends, and as residents of freezing upstate NY, we come home, shower, walk our beagle, read and relax, and do our respective things around the house. Unfortunately, my husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s over a year ago, so enjoying our retirement is much appreciated. We traveled extensively through Europe for decades and visited friends and family from coast to coast. Now we’re content with life’s simple pleasures,

[LoveMyBaby]

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@pattypeep wrote:

I've been retired for 10 years and love being home and taking care of the house and yard. I knew dh would be retiring next and honestly, I am really scared. I love my quiet time and he talks non-stop when he's home. He doesn't pick up after himself. He never has helped with housework. His household "job" in the 25 years we've been married is mowing the grass except when we hire it out. I love him, I really do, but can someone give me some advice on how to adjust to this change?

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Your circumstances with DH retiring will be quite the adjustment from everyone that has gone through it and what I've always heard all my working life. My DH is still working. My sister-in law just went through this and she said (jokingly) "I never knew I didn't know how to make the bed right, unload or load the dishwasher, organize the linen closet, until DH retired, I've been doing it wrong all these years"! They're married 44 years & counting. We laughed about it, but you get the picture. I'm sure for every household there are a bazillion ways to get this co-retirement thing to work itself out and you will get some great tips I'm sure. I've even heard it's harder for the women who did not work outside the home when the DH retired. They had the castle to themselves for all those years. Don't know if that's true or not.