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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,295
Registered: ‎06-06-2011

Help ! Husband's Retiring in Two Months

I've been retired for 10 years and love being home and taking care of the house and yard. I knew dh would be retiring next and honestly, I am really scared. I love my quiet time and he talks non-stop when he's home. He doesn't pick up after himself. He never has helped with housework. His household "job" in the 25 years we've been married is mowing the grass except when we hire it out. I love him, I really do, but can someone give me some advice on how to adjust to this change?

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea-Robert A. Heinlein
Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,583
Registered: ‎06-25-2012

Re: Help ! Husband's Retiring in Two Months

My dh retired in 2015. I did miss my alone time around the house now that he's here all the time. But now we are like two peas in a pod. We do everything together. I rarely go out on my own. I love having him with me. 

"Pure Michigan"
Contributor
Posts: 55
Registered: ‎04-21-2014

Re: Help ! Husband's Retiring in Two Months

Just be thankful he’ll be around.  Enjoy all his faults.  I wish I could hear my husband’s voice once more or pick up what he’s thrown around. Enjoy your time with him.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,035
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: Help ! Husband's Retiring in Two Months

[ Edited ]

I retired almost 2 years after my husband. So I did not have any alone time. BUT both my husband and I have activities where we are not always together. My husband works out at a gym 3 times a week, takes the dog for walks, does grocery shopping, meets friends for lunch and shopping and goes hiking on weekends and to the cabin for days.

 

I also meet friends for lunch, go shopping with friends, take dog for walks etc.

 

So even though we are both now retired, we also have other interests and space from one another. I would not worry about it. You will be able to work out a comfortable arrangement.

 

PS I forgot to add. We have done many interesting things together too. We saw the Terra Cotta Warriors, Flower Show, toured museums, toured a brewery and lots of other things. It is a chance to do things that you wanted to visit and put off.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,501
Registered: ‎03-10-2013

Re: Help ! Husband's Retiring in Two Months

DH and I retired on the same day three years ago because we truly enjoy doing things together.  

 

We are blessed to have each other especially when there’s a rough patch along the way.

 

I would never consider DH a burden in retirement. Besides being my partner in crime, he’s my best friend.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,833
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Help ! Husband's Retiring in Two Months

[ Edited ]

You said you love him.  That's the right place to start.  I had a DH who was like yours - nothing around the house but mowing the lawn. And he had always traveled in his job, thus was rarely at home for long periods. So before he retired I asked that we sit down together and talk about how the change was going to affect each of us and how we could move forward together.  

 

I had made up lists of household chores, as well as things we both did to creats unnecesary work (like not picking up our clothes & leaving dishes in the sink).  Nothing was ever said or hinted that he was more guilty than me. Truth be known he wasn't really.  We worked out a lot of things that day - some on the list and others that came up as we talked. Everything was open to discussion, including finances and the issue of some alone time.

 

I won't tell you that everything was perfect after he retired, but it was a lot easier and better with some prior planning. We both felt free to go back later, refer to our talks and work things through. In the end, his retirement was like a fresh new life - one that we both  cherished until he passed away. It can be a wonderful time in your life.  Look forward to it.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,238
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Help ! Husband's Retiring in Two Months

@pattypeep When I saw your headline I immediately went back to the time my late husband announced he was selling his computer business back to his partner.  At the time he was only 45 years old.

 

I knew he was going to do something else but.....I had been a stay at home mom since my daughter was born many years ago.

 

I remember joking that to keep sane I was going to get a part-time job at McDonalds.  

 

Well, he started several other companies after that.  They all varied and were very successful two and three person companies (all at the same time).

 

He traveled when it was convenient for us.  He never missed a dance recital or any event in our family.  

 

But his travel gave us both a break.  Like you, we loved each other more than I can even explain.  However, every couple needs some alone time.

 

My point (finally) is to tell you not to worry.  It might take a little time but I think the two of you will find this is a good thing. 

 

My husband was much younger than your's.  He was always a part-time builder, architect, etc.  So, it made it easy for him to buy, fix up, sell houses, develop land, etc.

 

So you guys are at the point we'd just gotten into when he died suddenly.  We'd started traveling (again) alone without our daughters and family.  

 

We were married for 7 years before we had children (waited til I could stay home with them).  It was surprising how quickly we fell back in to the "just us" pattern.  

 

It was wonderful.  You'll see.  I suspect you'll come back here and tell us all of the things you've been doing and how you've reconnected.....and...how you both respect each other's ALONE TIME.

 

My advice.  Set some ground rules in a gentle way and let him know that you want to be with him but you have made a life where you must have some ME time.  Find some things for him to do.  He'll probably find some things that interest him, if not ouch (long o) him some.

 

I can't wait to hear the next chapter of your life.  Fondly, Annabelle!

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,365
Registered: ‎09-05-2014

Re: Help ! Husband's Retiring in Two Months


@pattypeep wrote:

I've been retired for 10 years and love being home and taking care of the house and yard. I knew dh would be retiring next and honestly, I am really scared. I love my quiet time and he talks non-stop when he's home. He doesn't pick up after himself. He never has helped with housework. His household "job" in the 25 years we've been married is mowing the grass except when we hire it out. I love him, I really do, but can someone give me some advice on how to adjust to this change?


@pattypeep  It is very normal to feel like you do right now!  There is a adjustment period mostly for you!  Just be patient and look at him and think of the alternative like you could not have him at all.

You say you love him so you will adjust and enjoy having him around.  God bless you both.Woman Wink

Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,486
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

Re: Help ! Husband's Retiring in Two Months


@tassimo wrote:

Just be thankful he’ll be around.  Enjoy all his faults.  I wish I could hear my husband’s voice once more or pick up what he’s thrown around. Enjoy your time with him.


@tassimo

 

Me too, @tassimo.  Me too.  

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,580
Registered: ‎02-04-2014

Re: Help ! Husband's Retiring in Two Months

Twopeas ... I understand your plight.  Mine is retiring in two years, and his only hobby is mowing the lawn.  Not looking forward to 2021.    @pattypeep

My grandmother said the same thing that she didn't know how she would manage with my grandfather "being in the way."   He passed away first so now I have a different view on this subject.