Have a dilemma - need advice. - Page 7

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Boehm Collector wrote:
@ncascade wrote:
Just stop paying the daughter.
Hi @Group 5 minus 1 .... thanks for your reply. But I think I have to give an explanation as to why I stop paying her.

Yes, I think you do, too. If you simply stop, the daughter might think you just forgot the next time and will continue to come back and expect to be paid. Or she might think that you were upset with her, or that she did something wrong. And knowing that you will no longer be paying gives her the opportunity to look for employment elsewhere.

This small issue could easily end up blowing up into something big, with hurt feelings all around, and potentially the end of your relationship with this housekeeper who you seem to like. The arrangement is not what you agreed to, but since it's continued, it's understandable that the daughter now expects to be paid. She needs to know that you're not prepared to continue on this way.

Simply not paying with no word of explanation is unkind. It's not a comfortable position to be in, but it's only fair and in the long run will serve all of you well.

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

I did not read the four pages of replys.

Personally, since the mother and I agreed on the price, I would give the daughter a gift when she returned back to school.

My cleaning lady brought her 8 yr old grand daughter and five year old grand son to my house one summer. I let them use riding toys in the turnaround under the deck while I read magazines above them, keeping an open eye; the next time I went to Walmart I got coloring books and crayons.

Group 5 minus 1 · ‎03-11-2010

ECBG: Free babysitting! That is what this is all about.

'cuz every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man

Boehm Collector · ‎03-09-2010

@ncascade wrote:
ECBG: Free babysitting! That is what this is all about.

@Group 5 minus 1 .. I don't think this is free babysitting. The girl is 17 years old!!

Boehm Collector · ‎03-09-2010

@ncascade wrote:
I thought about this and have some ?.
1. Why did she bring her daughter?
2. Is her daughter doing any work?
3. Did you ask her why her daughter was brought to your place?

I don't think you will talk to her. Some people are not confrontational and I think you are not. Also if you do talk to her do you think she will quit? Is she a good employee? If you lost her as an employee how would you feel?
I wonder if the dilemma would have been solved if you would have said something the first day her daughter was brought to your place.

@Group 5 minus 1 ..

(1) She said she brought the daughter to help her.

(2) Yes, the daughter is helping with the regular weekly cleaning... she is not doing anything extra.

(3) See #1.

You are right that I am not confrontational .. but as much as I dislike it I am going to have to bring up the subject.

tsavorite · ‎03-09-2010

@Boehm Collector wrote:
@itiswhatitis wrote:
@missy1 wrote:
l'll clean it for $105/week.
I know the feeling of once you start something, it's hard to stop it.

The girl is taking advantage of your generosity.

I hope the backlash, won't cause your house to not be cleaned as good.
@missy1 I don't think the daughter is taking advantage. I simply think she started something without communicating clearly. It was the OP who began giving the $30.00. Daughter didn't ask for it.
@itiswhatitis.. yes, you are right, they didn't ask for the extra money. That was my choice because I wanted to be nice. But the daughter was only coming once every few months. Now I feel I am being taken advantage of because she has been coming ever week. She knows I am going to pay her extra so it seems like she is making this her summer job without asking if it is okay to bring the daughter every week.

Yes you hit the nail on the head here...the daughter is movitated by the money now to show up each week. It IS expected from her point of view now. I know it is uncomfortable to have to tell the Mom this but truly there is no other way to handle it.

What's the worst thing that could happen?? Ask yourself this question? Nothing really is the answer....so the daughter goes back to only coming once in awhile or not at all...the business arragement was for 75.00 paid to the Mother...it's up to the Mother whether she wants to share her earnings with her daughter or not. They will get over it! Good wishes....I am sure it will turn out just fine.

NickNack · ‎03-10-2010

@Boehm Collector wrote:
@ncascade wrote:
I thought about this and have some ?.
1. Why did she bring her daughter?
2. Is her daughter doing any work?
3. Did you ask her why her daughter was brought to your place?

I don't think you will talk to her. Some people are not confrontational and I think you are not. Also if you do talk to her do you think she will quit? Is she a good employee? If you lost her as an employee how would you feel?
I wonder if the dilemma would have been solved if you would have said something the first day her daughter was brought to your place.
@Group 5 minus 1 ..

(1) She said she brought the daughter to help her.
(2) Yes, the daughter is helping with the regular weekly cleaning... she is not doing anything extra.
(3) See #1.

You are right that I am not confrontational .. but as much as I dislike it I am going to have to bring up the subject.

You really need to do it when she comes this week. Don't pay her the extra $30 this time. Don't be afraid to bring it up. I understand as I'm not confrontational either. You just have to do this though.

The Bluebird Carries The Sky On His Back"
-Henry David Thoreau

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

Please give us an update after you have the uncomfortable talk with this woman.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@ncascade wrote:
ECBG: Free babysitting! That is what this is all about.

Are you referring to the OP's situation? Because it's not at all about free babysitting. The daughter is not a child, and she works when she's there. Babysitting (free or otherwise) has nothing to do with it.

The situation described by @ECBG is completely different.

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

@NYC Susan wrote:
@ncascade wrote:
ECBG: Free babysitting! That is what this is all about.
Are you referring to the OP's situation? Because it's not at all about free babysitting. The daughter is not a child, and she works when she's there. Babysitting (free or otherwise) has nothing to do with it.

The situation described by @ECBG is completely different.

@NYC Susan,Thanks. I goofed, misread, whatever.