Among Friends

[on the bay]

@house_cat,

It's ok, you can still be the kind person you are and limit the days letting them know you don't always have the amount of time you did because you do have work obligations.

And hopefully they do contribute to food, maybe taking you out too. 

My step mother started asking guests, including family to help by stripping the bed before they leave.She had a lot of guests living a block from the ocean.

Heck Im going to go further and ask them to remake the bed with clean sheets!  You can tell them it is hard for you to do that now. Maybe they will be more considerate in the future.

It's ok to let people know you need help.

And just by lettng them know how much you love them, will make them and you feel good even if they aren't staying as long.

That is of course all this to say if you really want them to come,

and if not let them know that you can't this time as you have too many work obligations. Maybe they will find someone else to stay with for eek! 10 days.

[tends2dogs]

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@house_cat wrote:

@Zhills 

Ha! Ain't that the truth! It wasn't any better when I lived in the Los Angeles area, but I had a heck of a lot more money then.  Also I had a regular full time job and people seemed to respect that more than my substitute teaching job.

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Are these the same friends you had in LA?  If they don't respect your job, they aren't friends.  They want to see you.  Do you want to see them?

I guess I am not that nice.  I wouldn't take on a financial burden having guests for 10 days.  I would never be able to act like I was happy they were there or that it wasn't an extreme inconvenience.  Heck who wouldn't like to land at the home of someone else for 10 days?  Free B & B!

Other than family, if I had someone say they were coming into town, I would say great!  Do you need a list of good hotels?  I hope we can get together a few of those nights for dinner.  

These don't sound like friends........at least not ones that I would want. JMHO

You sound too nice.

[Travone]

If they are staying for free I think the least they could do is pay for the excursions and meals out.   If you're not comfortable telling them this,  next time they want to visit suggest they rent a car because they will have to sightsee on their own as it is not in your budget. 

[Trinity11]

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@house_cat wrote:

I retired last year and I'm trying very hard to live within my means on a drastically reduced income.  Since moving here 2 1/2 years ago, I have had frequent overnight guests, some staying as long as 10 days. 

This week a friend is visiting and I cleared my schedule, which means turning down four days of substitute teaching income, as well as having to fund expensive sightseeing adventures.

I'm blessed to have people in my life who want to see me, but the cost of it is quite burdensome.

How do you handle the cost of having houseguests?

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A little bit of background... do you stay ten days at their home? I understand if you expect the same of them but there is no way, no how I would have "guests" for ten days. 😳

[PinkyPetunia]

If you are watching your dollars, I would make a rule not to turn down employment.  Tell your visitors in advance that they may have to entertain themselves while you work.

I don't know where you live, but are there things nearby your visitor can do?  Certainly they can take Uber to a movie theater or shopping mall and kill an afternoon this way. 

You don't have to say no to someone's visit but impose some conditions upfront like splitting the check when dining out or each person paying his own admission to theater, museums, etc.

[CrazyKittyLvr2]

Personally,  I would never impose on family or friends for 10 days no matter how much I love them, heck, not even half that time.

I would also go to the grocery store and contribute so my host was not bearing all the costs.  In addition,I would take them to dinner a couple times.

You should not be springing for all the entainment either.  That is just rude.

You are too nice for your own good.  I used to be too, not anymore.

I know you wouldn't hurt anyone's feelings, but what about your feelings? 

[TVLand]

To be blunt: these visitors are not caring or loving friends/ family...they are using you and you are letting it happen....a good guest would be treating their host not the other way around...buying groceries,   Treating you to dinner...and certainly pay their own way for any outside entertainment...maybe even treat you....I myself have done this when staying in someone else's home...perhaps this is something you have done in the past...but are no longer in a position to continue to pay for others...this must before guests arrive...

[Carmie]

Just be honest.

" you can visit, but because I have to work, I won't be able to entertain you."

or

I have obligations and will not be available for 10 days, but a long weekend....Sat, Sun and Monday   (or whatever) would work for me...would that work for you?"

or 

" While I enjoy your company, right now doesn't work for me, can we schedule something for later?"

[SaveTheTurtles]

Sounds like they are taking advantage of your being nice and accommodating. They should know better.

[LavernLuvsShoes]

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@Kachina624 wrote:

Frankly, your friends are rather inconsiderate.  My guests bend over backwards to pay their own expenses and insist on chipping in for gas.  You've become their expense-free vacation.  They can take advantage of you only if you let them.

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I totally agree - A true friend would offer to share the expenses associated with a lengthy vacation/visit.

Unless, you've given them the impression that it's not a burden - And if that's the case, I can't blame them for over-staying their visits - What a treat for them.

Please speak up for yourself - If you let them know you can no longer afford to host them, since you're retired, and it ends or sours the friendship, then that speaks volumes about them and not you.