Among Friends

[this is my nic]

DH and I have been married for a very long time and generally get along quite well.  However, he has been doing something that's making me crazy.  This really isn't something new, but after years of this going on I have reached my boiling point.  The secret to a long marriage is knowing what battles to fight. 

No matter what I say, he contradicts me and it's usually about something extremely minor.  For example, if I say something is 15 miles away, he'll respond saying "it's maybe 17 miles away".  If I say a certain thing happened at 2:00 he'll say, it was 2:15.  Seriously! I don't respond because I don't want to argue over something so innocuous, but I am losing my ability to keep my mouth shut.   

Has anyone else experienced this?  If so, did you say anything or ignore it as long as possible?   Quite frankly, I think this is getting worse.  Now, it seems to happen constantly. So far this morning it's happened at least twice.  Give me strength! 

Thanks you for suggestions! 

[SXMGirl]

@this is my nicI hope that you have told him that you don't like it and not to do it again.  As a retired educator, I have the "voice" that always seems to get my point across.  There is no way that I would tolerate that for my entire marriage.  Of course, you could start doing that to him and see how he feels about it.  I am a firm believer in saying what you need to say.

[IamMrsG]

@this is my nic   Maybe he isn't aware how insensitive he's being or how sensitive you are to it.  Let him read your post and tell him you wrote it.  It might open the door to discussion, and hopefully, solution. 

[dex]

I would ask him why he needs to do this.Maybe he is a perfectionist and feels the need to be exact.I would say approximately before anything I said to him so that he would understand that exactly isn’t so important to you.

[this is my nic]

@SXMGirl 

Thank you for your response!

No, I haven't told him I don't like it.  I know how these things  evolve and he'd be angry then there would be a huge fight about all the things I do that annoy him.  So, I've been gritting my teeth and holding my breath.  

I wish I had your "teacher's" voice!  Our d-i-l is a teacher and she has that voice.  I've seen her put grown men in their place! 

[fthunt]

There are people who have to have the last word and (I believe) it gets worse with age.  Person may have more idle time on their hands - less to do - less to think about - likes to still feel in control & relevant.

Suggestions you ask......I would limit conversations so that person can not come back at me.  Silence can be golden.

[SXMGirl]

@this is my nic  i know that it can be difficult to make your feelings known, but it is much better to have that big argument than to keep all of those feelings in.  At some point, it affects your health.  As selfish as this may seem, it is better to take care of yourself instead of worrying about his feelings.

What might work for you is when you speak to him about this, take on the persona of someone you know who is a strong person and who stands up for themselves.  Maybe your DIL.  Sometimes being able to shout what you feel really wakes up the other person.  You can only let someone treat you like that for so long and then you are done.  It sounds like you are almost there.

I hope you get some helpful replies, and I wish you well.

[Cakers3]

@this is my nic 

Do not show him this thread.

Do not start doing the same to him. 

Do not present your case to him as though he is a child and you are the scolding teacher.

I can see how this is annoying but he is who he is, warts and all.  Since you said that he would point out your faults if you bring this up, then perhaps there are those little annoyances that bug him.

You can certainly bring this up to him lightly in a non-confrontational matter but don't expect miracles.  Then let it go.

After many years of marriage, how important is this really?

Again-ask yourself how important is it????

Sometimes my DH will do the same thing; I just look at him and smile.  Take a more postiive attitude;  I'd rather the small annoyances than never hearing his voice again.

[queendiva]

We teach others, especially our spouses, how to treat us.

By allowing/ avoiding this subject, you have allowed your husband to continue this behavior for- according to you- many years. Next time it happens ( minutes from now?) stop what you are doing, look him in the eyes and tell him you do not like this behavior, it minimizes you, it's not loving and you are no longer having it. If he dares start an argument about it, be prepared. Do not raise your voice. Be firm and repeat what you said, in as few words as possible, that this is not a loving behavior and you will no longer tolerate it from him. 

Putting up and shutting up usually does not lead to the best possible outcome.

[Grouchomarx]

I have found success in dealing with people who always want to disagree with you or contradict you. Agree with them. It throws them off, sometimes it shuts them up. That has been my experience. One was a good friend, but she would always play devils advocate. This tactic worked on her. It almost inhibits their desire to disagree because they don’t get the satisfaction of being “right” since you now agree with them. Obviously this only works on relatively unimportant issues, I would not compromise my views on important topics for this purpose. Sorry you are frustrated. Partners can be so trying at times.