Among Friends

[Ketra]

I used to work with engineers and they sure as heck didn’t do that

to or around me. These men do this at home because they can get away with it. It has nothing to do with their profession, how smart they are or how their brain works. It has to do with control and self control.  

[Ketra]

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@this is my nic wrote:

@Sooner 

Hi Sooner!

In my case my husband contradicts me on things that are really irrelevant.  For example, I'll say the grocery store is 2 miles away.;  he'll respond saying it's 3 miles.  Another example:  I'll say it rained for 2 hours, he'll comment that it was more like 1 and 1/2 hours.   It doesn't really matter!  This is done when we're alone and with others.   Like I said, the comments are about irrelevant topics.  It's not like we're disagreeing about when we have to be at an event that has a set time.  

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@this is my nic  You just have to get it across to him that this behavior is not irrelevant to you. With all the good advice in this thread I’m sure you and DH will be able to work this out. I also said some prayers for you both to make sure.😊

[missy1]

I have a co-worker that does this. I can't divorce them, unfortunately.

If it was my dh/so doing this daily, it's time to move on.

[Effie54]

Yup, I hear ya! Mine does the same thing. I do find it annoying. Its like constantly being invalidated. Also, my family does the same thing. But as you get older, it really doesn't matter to me. I say "okay then.......what ever" and move on to the next subject. 

[Cakers3]

I cannot believe posters are telling her to divorce him and move on.

Over this. 

Only the never married and only those bitter over their own marriage dissolution would say such a thing.

[Ketra]

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@Cakers3 wrote:

I cannot believe posters are telling her to divorce him and move on.

Over this. 

Only the unmarried and only those bitter over their own marriage dissolution would say such a thing.

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@Cakers3 I don’t agree with posters that say just divorce him. However, I also don’t agree with those who say just ignore it, that it’s not a big factor in a long term marriage. What this man is doing is a form of emotional abuse and intimidation. Because every time she opens her mouth she is told that she is wrong. I’m sure over a long period of time this would undermine her self esteem and confidence, not to mention what it must be doing to her blood pressure. I hope for her sake he stops this behavior.

[sunala]

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@this is my nic wrote:

DH and I have been married for a very long time and generally get along quite well.  However, he has been doing something that's making me crazy.  This really isn't something new, but after years of this going on I have reached my boiling point.  The secret to a long marriage is knowing what battles to fight. 

No matter what I say, he contradicts me and it's usually about something extremely minor.  For example, if I say something is 15 miles away, he'll respond saying "it's maybe 17 miles away".  If I say a certain thing happened at 2:00 he'll say, it was 2:15.  Seriously! I don't respond because I don't want to argue over something so innocuous, but I am losing my ability to keep my mouth shut.   

Has anyone else experienced this?  If so, did you say anything or ignore it as long as possible?   Quite frankly, I think this is getting worse.  Now, it seems to happen constantly. So far this morning it's happened at least twice.  Give me strength! 

Thanks you for suggestions! 

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@this is my nic- I'm sorry you're having this problem with your husband. I really can't suggest anything different than the responses you've already gotten. The only thing I can tell you is these past few months, several of my girlfriends have lost their long-term spouses. One had Parkinson's, one had cancer, one died in the middle of the ocean on a cruise, and there were a few others. All I can say is, if you've been married for a long time, and other than this problem everything is good, I'd either see a therapist myself and perhaps they will have some different advice than you got here, or just remember what Ann Landers asked: "Are you better off with him or without him?"

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

[Anonymous032819]

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@jannabelle1 wrote:

Yes, men like to think they're right and they like to have the last word. Some comments I ignore, others I just say "whatever" and I look at him like I can't believe he'd say such a thing. Maybe ask him if it's really important to him to keep correcting you on such trivial things.

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It isn't just men who do that. There are women who do it too, so no, don't go painting it as if only men do this.

[this is my nic]

@godi 

LOL!  Thank you! 

[LTT1]

@this is my nic 

I can relate.

And I think it is getting worse.

I also think my DH has a bit of dementia, because he is doing things like this that he didn’t do before...BUT

i did something that WORKED.

I turned to him and pointedly said (not really mean b/c I caught myself before I got mad at that time) 

“do you want to argue about it?”

in a tone of incredulity and not in an ugly way.

He backed off...I don’t even think he realized he was doing this (constantly).

Good luck and would like to know if this works for you!