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04-21-2019 02:46 PM
You've got a lot more self-control than I do, @this is my nic ! The only suggestion I can offer is to try to inject a little humor into the situation. For example, if you say something is 15 miles away, and he says more like 17, how about saying (with a smile), "Hmmm, maybe closer to 16?" Repeat pattern if you say something happened at 2, and he says 2:15 -- smile and say, "perhaps it was 2:07:30?" By splitting the difference whenever he counters you, he just might see how silly he's being and think twice before he does it again...
04-21-2019 03:24 PM
Your husband is your husband. He's being doing this for years. You can either grin and bear it or you let him know that it bothers you and you acknowledge that you know there are things about you that annoy/bother him. If you know he will become combative, you can head him off at the pass by acknowledging first that you do things that bug him.
04-21-2019 04:32 PM
What's the predicted response if you challenge him?
I tell it like it is, with some exceptions - aren't we all imperfect and deserve forgiveness? That said, I'd tell him when it bothered me.
Then you could (maybe) talk about why it is a big deal.
04-21-2019 05:04 PM
Is my DH at your home AGAIN?
Feel free to send him on home!
Not an engineer, but a scientist.
We had that convo. a few years ago.
He is a kind man, when he knew it was not a good feeling to be on the receiving end, he stopped. Once in a while he slips. As a teacher I give him the patented "Grab them and shake them" look.
Works like a charm.
04-21-2019 05:49 PM
@this is my nic wrote:
Thank you for your response!
No, I haven't told him I don't like it. I know how these things evolve and he'd be angry then there would be a huge fight about all the things I do that annoy him. So, I've been gritting my teeth and holding my breath.
I wish I had your "teacher's" voice! Our d-i-l is a teacher and she has that voice. I've seen her put grown men in their place!
This response makes me think that neither one of you talk about this kind of stuff until it boils over.
If it bothers you that much I'd talk to him about it but not when it happens. And maybe don't even say it bothers you, just ask him why he does it. If he's just a perfectionist because he's an engineer it's likely he's not trying to be insulting.
If you do talk to him about it after that if it continued I'd just laugh at it. He corrects you and you just laugh and say see I told you that you're more precise than I could ever be. Maybe it can just become a running gag. If you don't talk about then go with the earlier suggestion of agreeing and move on. If he's trying to flat out insult you that's a diferent story but I kind of get the impression it's more of a quirk.
04-21-2019 06:06 PM
Left-brained folks keep it simple, speak directly and go Alpha on loved ones too easily with little remorse. I'm generalizing, of course, but... with DH, I've learned to keep it simple and be direct, too -- without escalating an argument or having to over explain myself.
When he continually has annoying behavior which lowers the quality of my moments with him, I'll say one word, like 'purple.' He'll look at me funny and say, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? I'll respond, "Everytime you re-state my comments, in public or private, I'll say 'purple' and you'll know what I mean. Then I'm done talking to you for a while." (And I'm true to my word when I go 'radio silent.')
It may or may not work, but it's always good to have a plan. Life's too short to argue. Teach them how to treat you and then go radio silent if you have to. Easier to do if you're not co-dependent on someone. Another subject.
04-21-2019 06:30 PM
We are both retired now and my hubby does the same thing.....if I say anything about it ....he says he doesn't do that.........
I just stop talking to him and go do something else.
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