Among Friends

[drizzellla]

 fthunt mentioned - some things get more noticeable with age. I swear the filter in our brain that governs our mouths develop holes in it.

And Whatnow said - mention it to him. As just a question and in a casual way. Let him know how you feel.

I wouldn't want you to get upset one day and have a fight about it.

[SXMGirl]

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@queendiva wrote:

We teach others, especially our spouses, how to treat us.

By allowing/ avoiding this subject, you have allowed your husband to continue this behavior for- according to you- many years. Next time it happens ( minutes from now?) stop what you are doing, look him in the eyes and tell him you do not like this behavior, it minimizes you, it's not loving and you are no longer having it. If he dares start an argument about it, be prepared. Do not raise your voice. Be firm and repeat what you said, in as few words as possible, that this is not a loving behavior and you will no longer tolerate it from him. 

Putting up and shutting up usually does not lead to the best possible outcome.

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Amen!

[nanny24]

nic, my DH and I have been married 45 years, and he does the same thing. If I say someone is 60 years old, he has to calculate the years and months to make sure I am right. I have called him on it a few times because it drives my crazy, by mostly, I tune him out. Hope you can overlook it, I am sure there are more good times than bad.

[this is my nic]

Thanks everyone!  

BTW, I didn't mention he's an engineer!  Those who have experience with these people understand they are a different breed! 

[Desertdi]

I can sympathize.    My husband NEVER gave a straight answer.....

What time do you have:    It's early

Where are you going:   Out

What time will you be back:   Later

Where did you get that shirt:    The store

And we even saw a marriage counselor over this "problem".    It didn't work.

[bootsanne]

@this is my nic I sympathize with you.  I've only been married for 25 years but if i had a nickle for every time  my husband repeats a story , I'd give Jeff Bezos a run for his money.  It's become worse now since we spend so much time together going to his doctors.  I try to tune him out because if I said what I really want to, war would break out.  I get nasty  and have a sharp tongue.  I am now taking Lexapro to deal with a lot of issues.

[ID2]

Ladies, ladies I think we can all agree that we aren't perfect either and probably drive our husbands crazy too. I have been with my dh for the past 45 years, married 41. I can honestly say that we get along splendidly. We just don't sweat the small stuff. In the big picture, its just not worth it. 

[stevieb]

@this is my nic  It seems petty and it is and it might seem minor and maybe it is and maybe it isn't. The fact that you note he's an engineer might explain some of the need to be precise, but his behavior could also be indicative of his need to 'be the expert' in your relationship. Personally, I don't think a 'come to Jesus' conversation about it is the way to go. Consider the use of humor... Next time you say 15 and he says 17, just grin and say 'how about 16'...  or smile and say 'shall we go measure it'... Next time you say 2 oclock and he says 215, just gently roll your eyes, shake your head, smile and ask 'can we compromise on 210'... Try to make a little joke of it and maybe sooner or later he'll take the hint... If not, it's then up to you whether to have a serious discussion about it or to let it go...

[doxie1]

@this is my nic 

Is your DH an engineer? It sounds like a friend with a husband that did that. It got worse with age and his  wife didn't want to say anything. She did say something to him along the lines of how it made her feel when he did this. They decided each would pick one thing for the other to do as a change. She had to be brave enough to be willing to change one thing about herself as well. They did and it really improved their relationaship. 

He had experienced his parents talking to each other like that. He is detail oriented so to him it is important to be sepcific and say 17,3 instead of 15.

Also he thought he was showing interest in what she was saying. He was not trying to pull her chain.

People do not like to hear what they are doing wrong. I love it when you do not feel the need to corect me.

You have been married a long time and you still love him.I think you should figure out how both of you can grow from it.

You are doing something right since you have not hit him with a frying pan!

doxie

[doxie1]

@this is my nic 

I see you posted while I was typing that he is an engineer! I am surrounded by engineers.

doxie