Among Friends

[goldensrbest]

If your offended by people that say, hun, sweetie, love, that sort of thing, your way too sensitive, those are words of endearment by many people.

[Vivian]

The only time I resent those cutesy names is when I perceive that someone much younger than I am is talking down to me as if I were a blithering old idiot. I actually changed doctors once when an orthopedist I was seeing made constant sarcastic references to my being young. I'm in my 60s, go to dance classes every day, dress well, and work hard to maintain my appearance. If a friendly clerk wants to call me honey or sweetie, I'm ok with that. It all depends on context.

[SurferWife]

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@Imadickens wrote:

Guilty as charged! I'm afraid I am another who calls others affectionate names! It's not meant to offend or be condisending, I was reared in a Southern family, we all did it! I always had pet names for my students, and as I got older I found my self doing the same with anyone with with whom I spoke. I understand some people don't like it and I'm sorry if I offend anyone, but it's second nature to me and I don't think I could stop now! As far as the water, I think she was just being nice, making chit chat. Better than telling you to go "F" yourself, which I've been told to do before!

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@Imadickens...DITTO! I guess if hon, sugar, darlin', etc. offends someone, we can always say "bless your heart".

[ID2]

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@pggoody wrote:

I don't like it when a store clerk calls me sweetie or " cute" names.  Leaving Costco today the woman at the door called me " lovie" and told me to ve sure to drink lots of water. I felt as though she was making the comment because of my age. Yes, I know I am old enough to be someone's grandmother, but I am very active, fit, dress fashionably , am told I don't look my age.  I had just left the gym so had workout clothes on and very little makeup.   The way she made the comment , it made me feel OLD. 

Guess I am just being sensitive.😳

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Um yes, me thinks you are being overly sensitive. Life is short, don't sweat the small stuff, be happy. 

[janeec]

Those terms have been used for years in long term care facilities.  Just a few years ago this was brought up as demeaning and is called "elderspeak."  The trend is to get away from those names and use the person's name or ma'am or sir, preferably Mr., Mrs, or Miss and their name..  

Hon, Dearie, etc. are terms of endearment and should not be used in a general manner.   One ethnic group in my area calls every woman "Miss" as a sign of respect.  We do have to realize there are regional differences that can influence one's use of the terms.  

[RLH]

No, do not want anyone other than my own children to call me 'Mama'.  

[Sooner]

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@151949 wrote:

It does not usually bother me but when we were looking at homes to buy salesman kept calling us KIDS - we are retired for cripes sake- and that salesman is 30 to 40 years our junior. Car salesman do this in Florida too.

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I know from watching old movies from the 1950's that a lot of times grown people were called "kids."  I THINK someone does it in White Christmas--like to to the dancers or something.  So maybe this is something people either remember from their youth or watch old movies like me sometimes and latch onto the word thinking older people would enjoy hearing it.  

My aunt called the older men in the family "the boys" until they died in their 90s.

[chiclets]

If you do not like it, if it annoys you, or you can not brush it off, then say something.

[henderson]

Doesn't bother me and I'm 69.

[Moonchilde]

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@Vivian Florimond wrote:

The only time I resent those cutesy names is when I perceive that someone much younger than I am is talking down to me as if I were a blithering old idiot. I actually changed doctors once when an orthopedist I was seeing made constant sarcastic references to my being young. I'm in my 60s, go to dance classes every day, dress well, and work hard to maintain my appearance. If a friendly clerk wants to call me honey or sweetie, I'm ok with that. It all depends on context.

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The point that some are missing is that it *does* depend on context. I understand that some in the South may have never heard the words used specifically to be sarcastic and so can't conceive that anyone would ever do that.  People DO do that.

You know if you do someone a favor (mow an elderly neighbor's lawn) and they hug you and say "bless your heart!" that they mean it in the good way. But if you go to the country club and the other ladies eye what you're wearing and decide it's "not right", you also know that if someone says "bless your heart, honey" that they do NOT mean it in the good way.

So, yeah, people get a sense of being/trying to be nice, or  being demeaning and dismissive, because all these words ARE used to both be kind and to...not be kind.