Among Friends

[dooBdoo]

             You're welcome, @Greeneyedlady21❤️, and I admit I'm in tears, too.    I understand and others do, also, even though it might feel they don't.   Grief is complicated and I think oftentimes people simply don't know what to say or do so they withdraw or seem to withdraw.     I do believe your lovely Mom lives on in you, and all of us who are lucky enough to know you are touched and blessed not only by your gracious spirit but also by hers as you reflect and embody her spirit.   

             It helps me to remember that it's not something we "get over" it's something we move through.  I read once in a blog, "I am grateful for the necessary grace that carries me through the heaviest stages of grief and which returns with additional balm for the unexpected recurrences."

            “You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved.   But this is also the good news.   They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up.   And you come through.   It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”  Anne Lamott

[Bird mama]

@Greeneyedlady21 

Everyone is different.  I require solitude when I am grieving or really worried about something.  The last thing I need is people around me.  

When my husband died, my doctor gave me the card of a clinical social worker (I think) and said he wanted me to call her and meet with her.  We ended up meeting several times over a month.

I'm kind of analytical by nature, so I was already figuring out ways to reposition some ideas, like working a puzzle, from a negative connotation to a positive connotation.

Here's an example:  For every time I had to do something that I perceived as an ending - transferring his car into my name, closing an account with his name on it, I would then do something life affirming, like buy dog and bird food for me companion animals or do something nice for the less fortunate.

My therapist (guess that's what I would call her) said my analytical mind was working for me.  That didn't stop the fact that I missed the sound of his breathing or hearing him walk across the kitchen to get something from the fridge.

One thing nice about talking to this woman was, unlike talking to my family, my story was my story - she didn't try to impose her opinion on anything - she was helping me navigate my grief.  

I worked full time back then and having a routine was somewhat helpful.  It was painful going back to work because that's where I met my husband so there were memories all over the place.  

[chrystaltree]

I think you should attend a couple of times just see what's like, to see if it's something that you are comfortable with.  Group situations like that are not for everyone, they certainly aren't for me.  If it isn't for you, you can contact a mental health professional and set up some private counselling sessions.  There is no "one size fits all" when it comes to grief counselling.  

[cactusgal]

The Compassionate Friends support group was a great help to me after the passing of my daughter.They are a support group for anyone who has lost a child no matter what age. I attended the meetings for about a year twice a month.

[cactusgal]

@Zhills For me it was because I thought I was losing my mind with the thoughts I was having. But the others who's loss of a child wasn't as new as mine. Assured me what I was feeling was completely normal as they had already gone through what I was going through at the time.

[Zhills]

@cactusgal  Thanks.  I can't imagine losing a child.  So sorry you had to go through this.  (((hugs)))

[1Snickers]

I had a membership in the local YMCA when  my husband was diagnosed with cancer. He didn't want me hovering around, so I tried to keep a normal schedule.

I decided to take a Tai Chi class. We did 24 form which I thought I'd never learn. But I had to concentrate on the motions and couldn't think of other things.

I kept going and eventually the motions flowed and I could feel relaxation and the stress leaving my body.

I did Tai Chi daily or whenever I needed a break or felt depressed .I did the motions in my mind before going to sleep and never needed a sleeping pill.

It will be 15 years this December 22 since my husband passed away. (My Dog died eight days after he did). It was, and is still hard during the Holidays!

Perhaps you could try a few classes or ask an instructor to show you the more simple breathing exercises. It may be better for you than a group. Or in addition to the group. 

One of my instructors took care of her Mother and when she could take a break went to the woods and did Tai Chi. She was at a Grief Support group when I spoke about how much the Tai Chi classes had helped me. (I didn't join the group, but only spoke about Tai Chi helping ) It really does help. 

The warm water pool helped also. Exercise or even walking can be beneficial, as can a pet. A dog makes you walk! Take care!

[Katcat1]

@Greeneyedlady21  You may want to consider personal counseling by a therapist.  It's one on one and private.  You need to get out your feelings so you can move on.  Take care.