Among Friends

[Sage04]

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@SurferWife wrote:

@BunSnoop 

Has he always been that way?  Every time you get dressed up & look extra pretty, has he never said anything or did he used to compliment you, then stop?  I wouldn't be too hard on him.  Some men just don't realize how much the ladies like to hear it.

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@SurferWife  not me, I don't like to be complimented, but I get compliments from my sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, son and of course from my husband. I'm one of those people who could do with out it. I must say sometimes I get embarrassed but I know some women crave it.

[Sage04]

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@KingstonsMom wrote:

@BunSnoop 

Awww, I'm sorry.... a lot of men are oblivious to our 'hints', but it sounds like you looked lovely for your night out with him and felt that you looked good, that's what counts!

Mine wouldn't notice if I nailed a neon sign to his forehead and tattooed "Wife looks good!" on his butt! LOL!

Hope you had a great time!

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@KingstonsMom  I find that hard to believe. Maybe he just doesn't want to say it out loud but he is thinking it. The neon sign made me laugh. That's funny!!

[Sage04]

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@LizzieInSRQ wrote:

If i have to ask for a compliment, i wouldnt want it as it lacks sincerity.

Im single so i dont get compliments. I can get 4 inches of my hair taken off and my trainer- coworker says nothing about my obvious hairdo, although others do. She never ever has told me "good job" in the almost-1year ive worked there. I will compliment her 2 or 3 times a month and she will say " of course", "thats how i roll ", "thats whst i do"....she thinks she is being funny,maybe, but deep down i think she is a narcissist. 

I think your husband is resistant to being told how to react. Its too bad he doesnt get your love language and how a little effort would go a long way. Im going to still be me, as i think my compliments put her in some position of having to be warm or sincere back. I dunno.

Dress for yourself. Expect nothing, dont fish for compliments. You will never be disappointed again and sweetly surprised if he does. 

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@LizzieInSRQ  I enjoyed reading your last paragraph. You are a smart one.

[Sage04]

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@ECBG wrote:

@BunSnoop 

@NO WAY would I let DH get by with that!

You will get what you expect.

I do the "leg work"!  The first time didn't make it!

Done!

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@ECBG  I'm surprised you said that. You think a woman should "fish" for a compliment? Then it's a "pity" compliment. He would tell you what he thinks you want to hear. A compliment should be given without any prompting.

[Sooner]

@BunSnoop I am sorry that you aren't getting the feedback you need, so I want to make that clear.

However, I'd just mention are you unhappy about that or about is something else really bothering you.  I would say think about your relationship and what he means to you, and maybe you need to talk about that and make sure he knows what you think about him--men aren't so much into clothes, but things he does for you, etc.

I came close to losing my husband a few years ago, and it gives you a very clear idea of what is important and not so important, and what you would regret if he were suddenly gone.  Be sure all the really import things are what is said. Be sure you talk about your blessings.  

[LuvSoCal]

@BunSnoop  Boy, can I relate! I think we, as females, dress and, in general, make an effort to look attractive mostly for ourselves, but, also, for the men in our lives.  My SO is just not generous with compliments. Whenever we go somewhere special I always tell him how nice he looks because he genuinely does!  Yeah, that's when I get the "So do you".  It takes him all of 45 minutes to get ready to go out where it takes me 2 hrs. if I am washing my hair.  The thing is, I know he notices the effort I put in to my appearance.  He just, for some reason, will not usually say anything.  The last time he did was when I came downstairs to leave to attend my 50th high school reunion last year.  He took me by such surprise when he said "wow, you look so pretty".  I hardly knew what to say.  I think I mumbled a thank you.

I know how he is so I never expect a comment from him.  We can go out to dinner and when we walk into the restaurant the hostess will compliment me right away or other people we're meeting will say how much they like my outfit or hair.  I don't need compliments, but it would be nice to know that our efforts in this regard are appreciated by the person we are closest to.

[Derwin28]

@LuvSoCal  Sounds just like my husband (lol..probably many husbands or SO's). At some level, I think we all need to feel validated at some level. I used to complement my husband, and would get the "you too". Eventually, I just stopped complementing him. So if he gets all dressed up, or gets his haircut, I just pretend not to notice. I don't say a word and it drives him NUTS!😁 Ultimately, he can't help himself and will start fishing for feedback or compliments. Letting him experience first hand how it feels to not be acknowledged works in our case.

[Flatbush]

Have never heard a compliment, not even on my wedding day. We have been married for decades.

But, I lack for nothing. No matter when, he is ready to help me and do anything I ask. He never criticizes me, or scolds.

He is steady and dependable. He is handy about the house and his handy work is apparent in every room.

He also puts up with my quirks, and I have many.

I still think I have the best part of our relationship.

[Pook]

A forced insincere compliment just to placate you is worthless!!  I dress  and do my makeup daily for me!  There are so many other important things in life!  Why expect the man to be and say what you want?  If life with him is good - who cares about a forced compliment?  If life is not so good - well there are more issues than just a random compliment!!  I want honesty and not a compliment just to appease me!  I know a few men who are always complimenting their wives (because they were "trained" to do so) and their husband's are cheating on them so...  Maybe if a compliment means so much to you then ask your husband what would mean a lot them.  

[redhead handbag queen]

I feel for you, but yours might be like mine. 

My husband came home and I was talking to him for a good 2-3 minutes, yes he was looking right at me. I then said "Did you notice my hair?" he got a startled look and said "Oh my gosh, you're blond!" If you didn't notice my name Redheaded Handbag Queen.  

I don't want to let them off the hook but I just don't think they are wired like us!