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Super Contributor
Posts: 273
Registered: ‎03-17-2010

First, What's the difference between  Community Chat and Among Friends? 

 

Anyway, I was wondering how grandparents feel about distribution of Christmas gifts of money to children and grandchildren.  Do you give the same (as i have always done), regardless of being completely snubbed in some lives more than others?

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,199
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

My in-laws always give the same even though they are a lot closer with the other two than with my daughter.

 

My parents always gave the same but they were close with all of their grandchildren.

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,577
Registered: ‎06-03-2010

@cdh  Not sure about the difference in the categories, but as for your second question, my grandchildren are very young, so for their birthday and for Christmas they each get a gift or two, and I deposit money into their savings.   When my oldest son was young, he got so many gifts, he didn't even remember who sent them or appreciated them, since it was overwhelming.  I asked his grandmother (who is fairly wealthy), if she could please put money in savings instead of so many gifts, and she did, and he was able to purchase a car once he turned 18.

 

My plan is to continue with this until they are 18, and then help them out with their education as my budget allows.

 

Of course, once they become adults, if they are in need, I will help them out with whatever they need with input from their parents.

 

If your grandkids are successful adults (maybe sent flowers or a fresh pine wreath), or don't even acknowledge your gift, then it's probably time to send a card to those particular ones that have snubbed you.  I'm sorry, that is painful, but unfortunately, probably pretty common. 



......You look like I need a drink.....
Super Contributor
Posts: 273
Registered: ‎03-17-2010

Well that was not my issue or question.  

 

It is not about the gifts per se, only the distribution.  Others have posted that they give same regardless of participation in their lives.  As I said, I always have but was wondering if others did the same.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,314
Registered: ‎10-25-2010

I always give money to my children for Christmas, and this year my grands said they preferred cash too.  I gave every one of them, including my children's spouses the same amount.

 

I really don't get snubbed by any of them, but I only see my SIL about twice a year.  He is friendly when I see him, but he often complains about me according to my granddaughter and daughter.  He thinks I am too intrusive, which I am not.

 

Example: He is still upset that he had no say about details of their wedding reception, to which he and his family contributed zero dollars.

 

My daughter has MS.  When she has a flair up, a nurse comes to her home to give her an  IV a few times a week.  Her health insurance stinks and she has to pay a lot of out of pocket fees.  One time she owed over $6000 and she couldn't work at that time.  Her DH wasn't even trying to pay the bill. He just ignored it.

She was told that the company providing the service would not come back again if needed until payment was made. Collection agencies were calling her daily.  

 

This made my daughter upset, which is not good for MS.  When she told me, I told her to give me the bills and I paid them.  She told him and he was livid and acted like a jerk and this almost caused her to leave him...he accused me of meddling in their affairs.


That was quite a few years ago.  I know he doesn't like me, but he treats me okay to my face.  

I don't even think about it at Christmas time.  A gift is a gift and I treat everyone the same.

 

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,036
Registered: ‎07-25-2010

Re: Gift Distribution

[ Edited ]

@cdh wrote:

Well that was not my issue or question.  

 

It is not about the gifts per se, only the distribution.  Others have posted that they give same regardless of participation in their lives.  As I said, I always have but was wondering if others did the same.



I give my gifts from love, not from what a person gives to me...in either gifts or attention.  I may have a closer relationship with some relatives, but I love them all.  I give each child and their spouse and grandchild a gift (spending about the same for each) and cash gifts are all the same amount.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,906
Registered: ‎11-20-2010

I have always made sure the grandkids gifts were equal in number of gifts and value.  Sometimes that didn't work out so well as if I was finished buying, I happened to see something I wanted for one of them, it was another round to buy for all of them!

 

For the adult "kids", spend the same amount of money on each and not concerned about who does more or what (regarding your comment about "snubbing".

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,406
Registered: ‎05-15-2016

I'm closer to some of my kids than others but they always get the same so I imagine I'll do the same with grandkids. 

Regular Contributor
Posts: 237
Registered: ‎11-14-2017

@CARMIE - that's an awful story. I feel for your daughter and for you.  It's sad that situations like that exist.  Hugs to you both. 💗

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,314
Registered: ‎10-25-2010

@Snooky60   Thank you.

 

He can sometimes be a PIA, but he's not going anywhere.  Even his mother gives him heck from time to time.  

 

I stay away from him as much as possible, but I am super close to my daughter and granddaughter.  My GD is such a gift.  She is a beautiful girl, smart, caring and so sweet.  She is  now 16..time does fly.