Getting my DH to do something - Page 5

GenXmuse · ‎05-15-2016

My husband is a world class procrastinator and has had ADD since he was a child. When I ask him to do something repeatedly I give it a little break and non-chalantly say. I know with how busy you are I thought I’d go ahead and give (whatever service you need) a call and have them take a look at it and then go about your business. This usuallly appeals to a man ego not wanting to bring in someone and he usually gets to it. If I see no action I’ll call and get an estimate. Ive never had to hire someone and I’ve stopped nagging which i hated doing!!! (As much as he hated it).

Good luck. I know it’s tough. You could even start going through his stuff and that might be enough for him to act.

kitcat51 · ‎09-15-2016

@Texasmouse From one neat freak to another I know how you feel, been there done that. My husband would start projects get half way done then walk away & start another & another...dirty messes with tools & parts stacked everywhere with nothing finished. All the choas would drive me to blow my stack & his calm reply was What's the problem, I'll get to it. Clothes, towels, newspapers, plates of food whatever he was using & finished with left on the floor, he never threw anything away, wanted to be waited on & on & on. I would ask nicely & when that didn't work I'd pester him to please help, then give up & do it myself. Funny but I'd give everything I have just to spend another day with him, he drowned several years ago. I wish I had looked past all his short comings & appreciated all the things he did because in the end that's all that matters. I know it's beyond irritating when you're in the middle of it but your guy is what he is & most likely set in his ways, just like you...just like me. My advice is just do it yourself or hire someone to get it done. Wishing you lots of patience, remember all the things you love about him when your at your wits end. You need a break so enjoy your trip.

NycVixen · ‎10-15-2010

My husband does help around the house and cooks. I'm grateful for that. What I can't stand are his mood swings. He claims he loves cleaning but goes from fine to completely miserable the next second over meaningless things. It's hard to live with someone who is so unpredictable and who gets bent out of shape over any little thing.

He also procrastinates but doesn't want to admit it. I had to wait almost 10 years for him to put up a ceiling curtain rod to divide our studio. I would do it myself but I'm clumsy and I would break my neck. He finally did it because his mother was visiting last Summer and he wanted her to see positive changes in our apartment. It does bother me that it took a visit from his mother. He couldn't do it when I asked all these years.

I told him that from now on if he won't do something, I'll get someone else do it. I'm done waiting for him to make it a priority. Maybe when he sees someone else in his house doing his job he'll stop.

~Live with Intention~

Texasmouse · ‎09-27-2010

@kitcat51

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your husband. I actually do stop and remind myself often that I am blessed to have him and how much I would miss him if he passed. Thank you for your insight. (((Hugs)))

Rockycoast · ‎03-02-2016

Cut the 2 rooms you gave him down to one. Toss all his other junk into the one room and close the door. Let him deal with it as he wishes. Just keep his door closed. Out of site out of mind. Buy a tread mill for yourself so you don't have to go into his room. This is the way he is. You have lived with it for many years without making a change. He doesn't want to change and probably won't. If he starts sneaking his junk into another room, let him know you will toss it out if he doesn't keep it in his room. You don't want a cluttered house. If he doesn't listen then toss his junk out. You will be amazed how well that will work! You gave him a warning, and followed through.

ccassaday · ‎10-21-2010

@NycVixen wrote:
My husband does help around the house and cooks. I'm grateful for that. What I can't stand are his mood swings. He claims he loves cleaning but goes from fine to completely miserable the next second over meaningless things. It's hard to live with someone who is so unpredictable and who gets bent out of shape over any little thing.

He also procrastinates but doesn't want to admit it. I had to wait almost 10 years for him to put up a ceiling curtain rod to divide our studio. I would do it myself but I'm clumsy and I would break my neck. He finally did it because his mother was visiting last Summer and he wanted her to see positive changes in our apartment. It does bother me that it took a visit from his mother. He couldn't do it when I asked all these years.

I told him that from now on if he won't do something, I'll get someone else do it. I'm done waiting for him to make it a priority. Maybe when he sees someone else in his house doing his job he'll stop.

My mom will act like she is going to do something. That's how she gets him to do something sometimes. Or you start doing it and acting dumb like your doing it wrong and he will be like stop I will do it. LMAO

Texasmouse · ‎09-27-2010

@NycVixen Good for you! I'll have to start doing that but I'm going to have to choose my battles because like your husband, mine is also moody. Another poster said he could have ADHD and having just looked up the symptoms, she may be right, although he would NEVER agree to go get tested!

Texasmouse · ‎09-27-2010

@Rockycoast I wish it were that simple but all the stuff won't fit in one room!

NycVixen · ‎10-15-2010

@Texasmouse wrote:
@NycVixen Good for you! I'll have to start doing that but I'm going to have to choose my battles because like your husband, mine is also moody. Another poster said he could have ADHD and having just looked up the symptoms, she may be right, although he would NEVER agree to go get tested!

@Texasmouse From experience it works. He's in Home Depot right now finally getting the paint for the kitchen. He likes to go alone but then I have to wait and wait. I was going to have the Super help me paint the kitchen.

This male moodiness thing is so hard to put up with. I'm like give me a break. You wouldn't even be on earth if you had to deal with the things I've had to put up with. Get a grip. LOL. I just had that conversation today.

~Live with Intention~

Texasmouse · ‎09-27-2010

For those of you who have suggested doing it myself or hiring someone to do it, if that were an option, I wouldn't have waited five years. It would have been done a long time ago! The point is that this is "his" stuff and he wants to deal with it in "his" way. I'e made countless offers to help him get organized in any way I can help, and even his best friend has come up with ideas for designing his man cave and has offered to help him but to no avail. You don't know how stubborn this man is!

Edited to add:

The problem is that this isn't something that needs to be done for the benefit of the house as a whole, like painting a room or fixing a broken tap. This is HIS STUFF and he's very possessive and territorial about these things so it's not like he'd ever let someone else come in and organize them for him. He acknowledges that this is solely HIS project and he'll get around to it... someday.