Getting my DH to do something - Page 10

Stormygirl · ‎08-01-2015

@Texasmouse LOL see what you started? LOLOL I was teasing DH this morning about your thread and we had a good belly laugh. (wink)

LOL I told him some of the responses about your one non deal breaking pet peeve (that you just wanted to vent) and his eyes got real wide. Yup I said it morphed from you getting him hoarding counceling to him being called a "sloth" by one poster and for you to divorce him (WOW) to you giving ultimatums and forcibly raiding his guilded treasures. Poor guy he doesnt have a chance here LOL

DH did identify with him so thanks he finally admitted to being akin to your dear husband. My DH is inviting him over for some comfort food and a shoulder to cry on after that mass man blast. They can talk about their proud hoard (smiling and joking wiv ya)

But DH did say that you were very sweet in identifying your DH many fine qualities and attributes which more then make up for his shortcoming. Dh admits he is worse then yours by taking up room in my closet for his hunting gear, along with claiming the guest closet for more hunting gear and assorted gym bags. LOL

Seriously though as I said, life is so short and I knew you just wanted to vent. I "get it" and wasnt until I was very sick I put life, marriage into perspective. DH took care of me at my bedside, wiping my brow, holding my hand, even had to tend to bedpan duties and he did it without hesitation. Like yours mine is a keeper and for doing what he does for me he can have the emmm 4 rooms he has invaded. After all is just 2 for you (4 for me) out of an entire house. Seems we both have the majority of the house LOL. I will take happiness and compromise any day over angst, nagging and brow beating.. A Man needs his space too just as much as a Woman needs her space. There is room for all yes? And a heart for quirks.

Just as a smile on the side, DH said the guys need a "safe space" to vent about womens quirks, the bottles of skincare "stuff", the hoarding of Philosophy and Wen, the shoes and more shoes.....you know the things we do to irritate them and make them shake their head but still love us. LOL!

Oh his pet peeve with me is my moving things that he placed where HE could find it but now cannot.....oops yea I can be a bit order oriented. I bet we all have flaws too that irritate our significant other. My big epiphony? There will be a time when one of us closes our eyes for the last time and we will wish them back....flaws and all....that thought sealed my love forever. Hugs to you my friend.

Just thought you would get a laugh over his observations. Now go hug that man. (oh and shut those 2 doors LOL)

Hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxx Stormy

Texasmouse · ‎09-27-2010

Awww... @Stormygirl again, thank you. I would rather close those doors than ever even think of leaving him for such insignificant stuff because we are soul mates and I know that I would never trade two tidy rooms for his companionship! As you said, life is too precious and one day I might be without him (if I don't go first) and I know I would miss him so much! I appreciate all the responses I received but especially yours, where you have been through so much and you really put things in perspective as far as what's important. I wish you and your lucky DH many more years of happiness! xoxoxo

saltysails · ‎06-24-2010

I am in the same boat as the OP, except I mow the lawn and when that ends, start all the care and up keep of the pellet stove. ( though lately, I leave the front lawn for DH to do in the heat of summer) DH is the first to go and help those in need, but it does not start with things at home, if they can wait.

KathyPet · ‎03-09-2010

Hire a handyman and have him come over when your husband is home to discuss the shelf plans. Have your husband show him what supplies he already has and discuss his “ vision”for the shelves. Let the handyman get the lumber and get those things built!!

alicedee · ‎07-25-2010

@Texasmouse wrote:

I guess the purpose of my post is more to vent than anything else but I'm really at the end of my rope. I'm going to be leaving the country soon for a couple of weeks and am seriously thinking of giving him an ultimatum, since he's taking that time off work, while I'm gone and will have no excuse not to tackle it. I have gently mentioned that this would be the perfect opportunity to take on the task but again, I don't want to sound like a nag. I don't really know what I'll do if I come home and nothing has changed but I'm really hoping he doesn't put me in that position. This is really starting to cause some resentment and it can only get worse.

Thanks for reading.
Rant over.

I think you got the responses you did because of the way you ended your initial post. People were trying to be supportive of your being “ at the end of your rope.”

Hope things get better...or you can get to a point where it stops bothering you.

Mj12 · ‎03-09-2010

@Reever wrote:
@proudlyfromNJ wrote:
@Reever wrote:
Divorce him!! You are better off being alone in life. Men will just drag you down.
@Reever. Have to say I disagree with you. I like men just fine, especially my husband.

I was talking to the original poster. It sounds like her husband is a real sloth and is dragging her down.

No, it does not sound like that. Geez.

Texasmouse · ‎09-27-2010

@alicedee wrote:
@Texasmouse wrote:

I guess the purpose of my post is more to vent than anything else but I'm really at the end of my rope. I'm going to be leaving the country soon for a couple of weeks and am seriously thinking of giving him an ultimatum, since he's taking that time off work, while I'm gone and will have no excuse not to tackle it. I have gently mentioned that this would be the perfect opportunity to take on the task but again, I don't want to sound like a nag. I don't really know what I'll do if I come home and nothing has changed but I'm really hoping he doesn't put me in that position. This is really starting to cause some resentment and it can only get worse.

Thanks for reading.
Rant over.

I think you got the responses you did because of the way you ended your initial post. People were trying to be supportive of your being “ at the end of your rope.”

Hope things get better...or you can get to a point where it stops bothering you.

@alicedee

Yes, I really was at the end of my rope. It just goes to show how therapeutic it is to get others' perspectives and how much it can help to shed light on an issue. It made me realize that I was letting my "neat freak-ness" overshadow what was really important in my marriage and how I really needed to stop sweating the small stuff. It is, after all, two rooms and like others have suggested, I can just close the doors and not have to look at the mess. I'm pretty good at not letting the mess "bleed" into the rest of the house and I'm happy with the way all the other rooms look. (I think he knows not to push it in that respect.) I don't think it will ever stop bothering me (because of my inherent nature) but no marriage is perfect and if this is all I have to put up with, I consider myself very lucky.

Mj12 · ‎03-09-2010

Hi @Texasmouse it's good to vent once in a while. I can imagine how frustrating this is for you. I don't have any great advice (my DH is military neat-freak); just wanted to say I hope you have a great time on your trip!

Texasmouse · ‎09-27-2010

@Mj12

Thank you so much. This isn't a pleasure trip but I appreciate your good wishes.

dal23 · ‎03-06-2012

@gabstoomuch wrote:
@TexasmouseAll the more reason to start cleaning the two rooms yourself! Nothing makes someone complete a project faster than when someone else comes in and starts "touching their stuff".

Start in on the project, and I bet he jumps in. Just let it be known that you are not going to quit until the job is done, so if he wants his stuff put away a certain way, then he best join in on the "clean out party".

Make it a couples activity. That way he does not feel overwhlemed, and you get to trash stuff he relly doesn't need. It may turn into a nice way to spend an day, who knows?

I wouldn't wait another 5 years, and he is clearly not going to go do it himself. Maybe a "cleaning partner" will get him going on the project. He should only have one room. Once you get rid of stuff, and reoraganize stuff, I bet he can fit into one room. Once all oraganized, he might just keep it clean.

There are big projects that sometimes feel like "ugh, I just don't know where to start. I get it. He will join in once YOU start, his stuff will be at stake hehhehheh.....

I agree with this. I have ADHD myself, and my darling teenage son has figured out that if he gets a project started, I will join in. I just have a very hard time getting started myself. I have the same issuesof not wanting people to touch my stuff, and there's a certain amount of shame that all people with ADHD carry that makes them not want to ask for help because we feel like we should be able to do it ourselves. But it's very hard.

I think a good professional organizer would be the best solution, because they know hot to approach people, give ideas, and demonstrate how to organize without being intrusive. They generally don't do it for you, they help. The one Ihad would also shop for organizing materials for me and take away the donations. It was costly, but she was worth her weight in gold. The things she helped me organize stayed togetherfora long time.