Among Friends

[RedTop]

I have good friends who are dealing with this, due to the fact they are not in the same state with their grandchildren, but are viewed as the "wealthier" grandparents because they are younger, and still working.   My friends have dealt with this for so long now they seem to have gotten over it.  

[LilacTree]

I never had the problem.  There were three other grandmothers.  Of those one was already quite old and unwell.  She was sweet though the few times I saw her.  After her husband died, she had to go to a nursing home and died a few years later.  It was very sad.

The other two lived thousands of miles away and never had much interest.  One did send money occasionally, as she was well off.

[Cakers3]

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@Newgate wrote:

Today my neighbor nextdoor was telling me that she is going through something I remember experiencing when all of my grandchildren were very young!  She is a new grandmother and she said the other grandma is also new and is being very competitive about the things she buys for the new baby and how much time she is spending with him!  She does not want to compete back because she knows she must share!  I told her it would probably wear off as the child gets older!   Anyone had that experience?

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@Newgate  Maybe the other grandmother views your neighbor the same way.

[Sooner]

Have you ever heard grandfathers complain about this?  I haven't.  I have a suspicion isn't so much about the kid's affections as it is just two women both of whom want to be the most important.  Another side of the MIL/DIL war that starts when mom won't hear to being second in line in her little boy's life.  I have seen that battle kill off a LOT of marriages.   How sad.  Isn't there room for everyone?  

[cecesnana]

How sad @Newgate. We have one granddaughter our Cece and I guess we're blessed everybody in the family feels like her advocate and there's plenty of love to go around. Competition divides love it doesn't multiply it.

[TX-starlight]

Hmm, I have just the opposite in our family. My (3) g-kids other g-parents never do anything for them. We all live within 20 miles of each other. They rarely attend sporting events of the kids-I never miss 1. It irritates me that they don't make the effort to do more for the kids. Maybe I am more "hands on" g-mother, lol, they are my life!!

[Sooner]

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@TX-starlight wrote:

Hmm, I have just the opposite in our family. My (3) g-kids other g-parents never do anything for them. We all live within 20 miles of each other. They rarely attend sporting events of the kids-I never miss 1. It irritates me that they don't make the effort to do more for the kids. Maybe I am more "hands on" g-mother, lol, they are my life!!

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Things have really changed since I was a kid.  I see all this grandparents running around to kids soccer games now and I wonder why.  Does little Johnny need an audience for every game?  My grandparents had little involvement with my events or school activities, but lots of involvement with me when I visited or they visited us. 

But they didn't chase around after my "events" at all.  I never expected they would.  To me that was my parents' deal.  I guess it depends on how each family operates.

[TX-starlight]

I believe it builds confidence for kids to know someone is there cheering them on. As long as I able to walk, I plan to be at EVERY function they are in. It's called SUPPORT.

[Susan in California]

@Sooner

 Wow!!!  I am a grandmother, and you are absolutely right!

[LilacTree]

When my two youngest granddaughters called me "regular grandma," their other grandmother had a real snit because they called her "Grandma Florida."  It wasn't their fault that she decided to live on the beach in the Florida Keys and came up once a year to see them.  She no longer comes now that they are teens.

If one wants to be a grandma, especially the preferred one, one has to put forth a little more effort than that.