Among Friends

[Nancy Drew]

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@LilacTree wrote:

When my two youngest granddaughters called me "regular grandma," their other grandmother had a real snit because they called her "Grandma Florida."  It wasn't their fault that she decided to live on the beach in the Florida Keys and came up once a year to see them.  She no longer comes now that they are teens.

If one wants to be a grandma, especially the preferred one, one has to put forth a little more effort than that.

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This situation seems disrespectful. If the kids needed a name to differentuiate the two women it should have been "grandma Betty, grandma Sue. You don't call one by the state they live in and the other regular. The adults should have corrected this situation. I as a grandmother would have never had let  my grandkids disrespect the other grandma like this.

[Sadiesadie]

our daughter has three children, 6 and under. I fly out as needed and to just visit when it is convenient for them as she and her husband work.

the other grandma is kept a bit at arm's length as she tends to overstay her welcome and expects to be entertained when she does go over. She wants an activity planned. I guess playing and spending time with the children is not activity enough.

she was good friends with her daughter's MIL but will no longer speak to her as she's very competitive and something happened to put her off.

She resents my staying at their house. Her son welcomes me, for which I am grateful, because I help out. He also appreciates how much I love and enjoy the children.

When there is a get together and MIL and I are there at the same time, I back away and allow her whatever time she wants with the children. I was surprised when her son noticed and thanked me.

I know it all comes from her insecurities but wow, she is difficult and will get offended easily.

It's a shame. You never want the children to pick up on that tension.

[Gayle2]

I became a new grandparent a few years ago.  There were a lot of new emotions that came up for me that I didn't really anctipate.  I read several grandparenting books and most hit all the topics.   You might suggest to your friend to check out some books on the topic of grandparenting.  I found that to be helpful. 

[LilacTree]

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@Jackaranda wrote:

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@LilacTree wrote:

When my two youngest granddaughters called me "regular grandma," their other grandmother had a real snit because they called her "Grandma Florida."  It wasn't their fault that she decided to live on the beach in the Florida Keys and came up once a year to see them.  She no longer comes now that they are teens.

If one wants to be a grandma, especially the preferred one, one has to put forth a little more effort than that.

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This situation seems disrespectful. If the kids needed a name to differentuiate the two women it should have been "grandma Betty, grandma Sue. You don't call one by the state they live in and the other regular. The adults should have corrected this situation. I as a grandmother would have never had let  my grandkids disrespect the other grandma like this.

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This was the woman who wore a long, sequined white gown to my daughter's wedding.  Talk about disrespect!! 

[sophiamarie]

My maternal grandmother and paternal grandmother had different names too.  One worked and the other didn't.  

They were called "Grandma Macy" and "Grandma Macaroni".......  Nobody's feelings were hurt and everyone thought it was kind of cute.

I am just plain "Mimi".....

[Mominohio]

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@Sooner wrote:

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@TX-starlight wrote:

Hmm, I have just the opposite in our family. My (3) g-kids other g-parents never do anything for them. We all live within 20 miles of each other. They rarely attend sporting events of the kids-I never miss 1. It irritates me that they don't make the effort to do more for the kids. Maybe I am more "hands on" g-mother, lol, they are my life!!

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Things have really changed since I was a kid.  I see all this grandparents running around to kids soccer games now and I wonder why.  Does little Johnny need an audience for every game?  My grandparents had little involvement with my events or school activities, but lots of involvement with me when I visited or they visited us. 

But they didn't chase around after my "events" at all.  I never expected they would.  To me that was my parents' deal.  I guess it depends on how each family operates.

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Great observation @Sooner.

I hadn't thought much about it, but my grandparents (I'm 55) never attended anything we did. A big part of that is that they were snow birds in Florida by the time I was 9, but they just weren't that involved, even when around.

When I was raising my son (he is now 19) I noticed lots of kids grandparents were at every single function. I think it is nice when they want to participate, as long as it isn't part of a competition. Hope parents help kids understand to appreciate the fact that their grandparents are involved and caring.

[Nancy Drew]

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@LilacTree wrote:

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@Jackaranda wrote:

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@LilacTree wrote:

When my two youngest granddaughters called me "regular grandma," their other grandmother had a real snit because they called her "Grandma Florida."  It wasn't their fault that she decided to live on the beach in the Florida Keys and came up once a year to see them.  She no longer comes now that they are teens.

If one wants to be a grandma, especially the preferred one, one has to put forth a little more effort than that.

---

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This situation seems disrespectful. If the kids needed a name to differentuiate the two women it should have been "grandma Betty, grandma Sue. You don't call one by the state they live in and the other regular. The adults should have corrected this situation. I as a grandmother would have never had let  my grandkids disrespect the other grandma like this.

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This was the woman who wore a long, sequined white gown to my daughter's wedding.  Talk about disrespect!! 

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Oh so it's a ****** for tat.   Lucky grandkids to be involved in that.......

[dex]

@gmkbi love what you said.It is sad to think that we are so insecure that we feel the need to creat a popularity completion for the love of a child.I think that children need the love of all family and there can never be too many people loving the child.It is really up to the parents to teach their children about love and family.Love and time and caring are far more meaningful than purchased gifts and should be the most cherished gifts.

[Susan in California]

 @Nancy Drew

I really appreciated your comment.  I also believe there should not be any competition between grandmothers; or if there is, try to eliminate it as much as possible.  I am the paternal grandmother of two young girls.  Their maternal grandmother and I live in different states from the family.  We are very different, from different cultures, but I always want my granddaughers to love both sides of their families.

I am in no way a saint, and there have been times when I have felt a little jealous when our granddaughers spend a long time with the other side.  But I ask myself, what is best for the girls?  And everytime I answer--a LOVING, respectful attitude.  The children will grow up happier.

[gabstoomuch]

My grandparents never came to sports or school events either.

I think it is a sign of the times now though. Back then, I went to visit my Nana every Sunday. Once every 2 weeks my Mom would bring me (or a sibling) over on Saturday for a sleepover with her. Then my mother would come back for the Sunday visit (bringing my sibs). We rotated through the weeks for who got the sleep over.

Visiting. No one "visits" anymore!

It is life on the fly now. Life is so busy and hectic. I think G-parents started going to kid events so they could be in the g-kids lives, get to see them more, enjoy them by going to where they are.

Visiting in general (not just grandparent) has gone by the wayside. It is most likely why there are so many lonely elderly now. The adult children just live in a different era, maybe they call frequently, but do not come visit.