Among Friends

[Panda lady]

Doxie, These are wonderful.  The child mimicking animal sounds was too funny!  As a teacher, I could see this totally happening!  Your absolutely right...turn off the TV!

[doxie1]

Hello panda. It is good to see a response.

doxie

[doxie1]

Why do elephants have trunks?
Because they've no pockets to put things in!

What do elephants do in the evenings?
Watch elevision!

How to elephants talk to each other?
By 'elephone!

What did the zoo keeper say when he saw four elephants walking over the hill towards him wearing sunglasses?
Nothing, he didn't recognize them!

What did the elephant say to the famous detective?
It's ele-mentary, my dear Sherlock!

What do you do if you find a blue elephant?
Try and cheer him up!

doxie

[doxie1]

Q: Who is the bees favorite singer?
A: Sting!

Q: Who is the bees favorite pop group?
A: The bee gees!

Q: What do you get if you cross a bee with a skunk?
A: An animal that stinks and stings!

Q: What does a queen bee do when she burps?
A: Issues a royal pardon!

doxie

[doxie1]

An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.

"What did you do that for?" Asked a passing giraffe.

"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a **bleep** out of my trunk 53 years ago."

"Wow, what a memory" commented the giraffe.

"Yes," said the elephant, "turtle recall".

[doxie1]

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.

When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked.

"No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."

[doxie1]

A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.

doxie

[doxie1]

You are going to like this one

A computer programmer, bored with his job, decided to start his own business. Wanting to do something totally different from his current occupation, he bought a mating pair of rheas and a large tract of land.

His rhea farm was soon doing a booming business as there appeared to be a great demand for the birds. Not being satisfied with just selling the birds, the rhea farmer started researching how the birds were being used. He found that all parts of the birds were being utilized, except the feathers. Nobody wanted the plainly colored rhea feathers.

The ex-programmer, now rhea farmer, purchased some equipment, technical people, and chemicals, and was soon selling fancy, colored rhea feathers. The resulting sales were amazing and made the new feather merchant very happy. There was one small problem. The workers making the colored feathers were becoming quite ill. The concerned young man called in a number of doctors to determine the nature of the illness.

It was discovered that without exception, the workers had developed a severe case of ... "dye a rhea".

doxie

[doxie1]

Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

doxie

[doxie1]

more ads

For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.

doxie