Among Friends

[Gorgf]

I have been friends with a couple in their 60s for seven. years. We all have our frugal quirks ,but their Obsession with Penny pinching has caused  me to avoid them. An example is the husband who is the worst waters down generic soda. They stole Apple's from someone's land as must saw them laying there last Fall. 

Her husband borrowed my sewing machine to put new collars on his shirts ,supposedly and gave it back with $100 repairs needed. When they wanted to borrow my carpet cleaner I said no and why. He denied doing anything.

They drive a new Jeep, pay cash for everything and he is handy to repair and remodel. He is on disability  but works part time. They sign up for free Food Baskets at Churches which they don't need. I get  asked what my things cost and asked recently to buy turquoise jewelry from me for a gift. I was called several times regarding it and just gave her the jewelry as value?I feel  badly as they have taken good care of my dog not asking for money  but I paid them. Do any of you relate to CHEAP friends or family that have caused you stress and disgust?  We have had nice times together, but?

[goldensrbest]

To answer your question ,A BIG YES!!

[151949]

Our old next door neighbor in Pa. used to do things like walking her dog to potty in our front yard, they put their kids swing set right on the border of our yards, he used to dump his grass clippings in the woods right at the edge of our yard until my DH started dumping ours at the edge of his.We couldn't say anything because she would come over on the days I worked and let my dog out for me. No walking was needed just open the door & let her out then open it again & let her in & give her a milkbone.The dog would come when called and never left the yard. For this I paid my neighbor  $10 a day plus the dog bought her a birthday and a Christmas present every year, for which we never even got a Thank You. Once our dog died and I retired she started "watching" other neighbors dogs for them and constantly complained about how badly behaved those dogs are. I wonder what she said about us behind our backs. This past winter they wrote to ask if they could come down for a 2 week vacation & stay with us. We made an excuse that we were going to be on a cruise then because I didn't really want to live with them for 2 weeks.

[Vivian]

My 96 year old mother is the cheapest person I’ve ever known. She says her «frugality» was caused by the Great Depression. However, her father had a job at that time and Mom’s siblings never exhibited such cheapness.

Here are just a few examples from the past decade. There are many more in family history but I won’t bore you with TMI. Mom washes out and reuses paper towels. She buys ONLY those groceries that are on sale. She refuses to make needed repairs on her home unless there’s an emergency. Her home was overrun by termites when she finally called an exterminator. After Hurricane Sandy she lost shingles on her roof. She waited several years before calling a roofer, and insisted on a patch job only. She hired illegal aliens to seal her driveway and ran after them when she was dissatisfied with their work...literally ran after them in the street to get her money back. Thank goodness I was there to stop her.

Despite the fact that my mother is well-off, she buys as much as she can from the Dollar Store. She uses all their cleaning products. Heaven knows what’s in them. She buys produce from a cheapo market that carries rejects from supermarkets. She has a 24/7 aide and refused to buy her $5 worth of fried chicken because Mom said she would not be eating any of it. I told her that was a penny-wise-pound-foolish decision because now the aide may feel resentful. I could go on and on but I’ve made my point.

[Jaspersmom]

You can call that a friendship, but that's not the way most people would define it.  You know the answer.  Now you just have to find the courage to cut the ties and put distance between you and them.  Find someone else to take care of your dog.  I'd rather spend a few more bucks and have peace of mind.  These people are fully aware of what they do and justify it in their minds.  Maybe they feel they're entitled.  Maybe they're self absorbed.  Whatever the reason, they're selfish.  It infuriates me when I hear people take food from soup kitchens, churches, etc. they don't need and could go to someone who really needs it.   A new Jeep paid for in cash???  Really???  These are not people I'd want in my circle.  

[ALRATIBA]

Which is worse - being a cheapskate or being a gossiper?

I wonder what she said about us behind our backs.

[Carmie]

Yes, I know a few people who are cheap.

One such person is really cheap.  I don't know why his wife stays with him.. I went to HS with him years ago, then reconnected with him. He is actually a friend of a friend, but travels in the same circles that we do.

Fortunally, for everyone he doesn't cost his friends any money or take advantage of us.  He and his wife just sit there drinking coffee while we eat at a resturant.  They sleep in their pickup truck in the parking lot when everyone else is in a motel, etc. He will not let you buy him dinner and he won't share your motel room...even if you insist.

He has a good job and makes enough money and his wife works too.  No kids, but his wife has a grown daughter.

A few years ago, my oldest son told that this guy won a million dollars in the lottery by buying a $20 ticket.  I did not beleive it.  No way he'd spend $20.  Well, I looked up the list of winners and it was true.  And a few months later, he won again...not a million, but around $35k or so.

So, now I know he has money, but he spends it strangely.  His choice, his money, I suppose..

[GinzTonic]

Friends : haggle over restaurant tabs etc.  We don’t go out w them anymore, they do stop over during football season w their own bag of peanuts.  Nice couple but different.

[haddon9]

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@Vivian wrote:

My 96 year old mother is the cheapest person I’ve ever known. She says her «frugality» was caused by the Great Depression. However, her father had a job at that time and Mom’s siblings never exhibited such cheapness.

Here are just a few examples from the past decade. There are many more in family history but I won’t bore you with TMI. Mom washes out and reuses paper towels. She buys ONLY those groceries that are on sale. She refuses to make needed repairs on her home unless there’s an emergency. Her home was overrun by termites when she finally called an exterminator. After Hurricane Sandy she lost shingles on her roof. She waited several years before calling a roofer, and insisted on a patch job only. She hired illegal aliens to seal her driveway and ran after them when she was dissatisfied with their work...literally ran after them in the street to get her money back. Thank goodness I was there to stop her.

Despite the fact that my mother is well-off, she buys as much as she can from the Dollar Store. She uses all their cleaning products. Heaven knows what’s in them. She buys produce from a cheapo market that carries rejects from supermarkets. She has a 24/7 aide and refused to buy her $5 worth of fried chicken because Mom said she would not be eating any of it. I told her that was a penny-wise-pound-foolish decision because now the aide may feel resentful. I could go on and on but I’ve made my point.

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@Vivian . OMG!  We must be cousins since our mothers are sisters!

My mother will be 92 in another month.  She's the cheapest person that I know and while it's beyond frustrating (she's far from poor BTW!), she's a product of The Depression.  My grandfather always had a job even during those difficult years so they always had a comfrotable place to live and never worried about food....but you wouldn't know it!

My mother doesn't believe in buying Rubbermaid containers to store left over food...why do that when you can get them for free?  She washes out old yogurt, butter, etc. plastic containers.  Food is only bought when it's on sale.  She spends hours going through sale flyers and her coupons.  She always knows the cost of food and gas.  It's a topic for conversation.

She never buys clothing if it's not on sale. That would be unthinkable! She's been hesitant to buy new glasses or hearing aids because they cost so much.  I would understand this if she were poor but let me just put it this way...she has enough money to live comfortably for another 15 years even if she never recieved another SS or pension check. 

She had an old 22 year old clunker of a car that was in my opinion a safety hazard.  While she no longer drives, she has full time aides who will take her places.  My brother and I had finally convinced her after 10 years of begging to get another car.  Even if her aides drove her at least she would be in comfort and safety.  We took her to get a 3 year old Toyota Corolla....FINALLY at the age of 90.

Bottom line is her life could be more comfortable (like being able to hear better) but she chooses not to make it so because she's afraid to spend money.

[jeanlake]

hahaha. Yes. I recently decided I would no longer meet with one particular friend for lunch or dinner. She tips 10% and asks a lot of servers. I think we'll stick to coffee shops! 

After a strange trip to Aruba, we no longer travel with friends of 25 years due to their obsession with making sure they don't lose a dime. Husband and I give more than we take and don't carry around a magnifying glass. What are the lyrics of the 70s song? Different strokes for different folks? 

Some friends are worth retaining while others you slowly back away from. I'm keeping both of these friends but will sidestep the cheap areas.