Among Friends

[pattypeep]

Some 22 years ago my youngest brother did a really dirty deed to my mother and then lied to us siblings about it. He also continued to lie and do bad things when we tried to file for guardianship. Anyway, I've not spoken to him in all those years and my dh says he is not welcome in our home. The last words he spoke to me were "you're just jealous, you c**t, because you're not getting any inheritance". I hung up on him. I may be able to forgive him someday, but don't think I will ever forget. Am I a hard hearted hannah?

[nana59]

You are absolutely NOT hard-hearted...I would not be able to forgive him...you deserve much more respect...

[cherry]

No, forgiveness, doesn't mean you forget. It only means you don't seek revenge on the person who hurt you

Revenge isn't the same thing as justice.  It there  are legal issues that are valid, you let the court settle them, instead of taking matters into your own hands

[itscrystalclear]

Forgiveness allows you to let go of the offense, it is not for the other person.  To forgive allows you to move on and no longer be in bondage.  Because of my beliefs, I also know that I have been extended forgiveness, so I must also forgive those who have wronged me.  Forgiving doesn't say you agree with the wrong, but only that you no longer will be under it's power.

One of my favorite sayings is "before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves first".

[Mz iMac]

NOPE!

Years ago, I stopped speaking & have NOTHING to do w/a family member because of the way he disrespected my  mother.  To this day, he is still telling lies to my mother. 

I will NEVER forget or forgive.  If my 92 yr old mother passes before me, if I don't kill him first and/or beat him to a pulp (to put it mildly), I am going to give him a piece of my mind.  Afterwards, I am going to slap him so hard, his eyeballs will end up rolling on the floor trying to look up at me.

[kelsey17]

Reading  your post  i have to say i would not be able to willing to forgive him....sounds like he probably wouldn't even appreciate it....

[NicksmomESQ]

    @pattypeep I 'm with you!!!  I too have a brother who treated my mom horribly!! I could write a book on his bad behavior!! It's been over 25 years since we have spoken.I don't intend on ever forgiving him!!! My wonderful mother died with a broken heart because of him.

   I have wonderful friends who have become like family to us!! I focus on them & never look back!!

[hckynut]

@pattypeep

I don't remember or I would not ask. Is your mother still alive, and if not, was she alive after this "dirty deed"? 

Myself and 2 of my 3 older sisters had some family issues. One was concerning my mother, the other was a situation with my oldest sister's daughter. These happened years apart, but both before my mother died in 1969. 

This no speaking and avoiding each other lasted for a couple years with each sister with both of these older sisters. During these times I promised my mother we would be friendly while she was still alive. I kept that promise, even though it was not the same strong friendships, as it was prior to our disagreements.

We gradually got back to the point where we were/have a very close relationship. I cannot offer any suggestions as I do not know, nor do I want to know, the details. The only ones that can decide are those involved.

Best to you with your situation,

hckynut(john)

[software]

Would you accept that kind of behavior from a friend?

Then you don't have to from a family member.

@pattypeep

[sweetee2]

I'm sure there are many of use who are dealing with this issue. My brother also turned into each evil man when my dad died. Even though there are only the to of us left, I sometimes think I like to make amends, then my hubby reminds me of what will likely happen. Anyway after a lot on thought , I have come so the realization of why he did what he did. I doesn't make it easier, but it has made sense. Like the other posters said "There real meaning of forgiveness is not letting it effect your life".