Among Friends

[blackhole99]

I wish my Father could have told us kids he was sorry for being such a bad parent, but it just wasn't in him.Most of us would have forgiven him and had some peace in knowing that he just could not help being the way he was and was sorry. He went to his grave with out making things right and no one shed a tear at his funeral. Hope you have better luck with your Mom.

[sweetee2]

Be greatful for your day together. We never will know what or how shaped our parents into who they are. It wasn't until mine passed that I could come to that understanding. 

I'm so happy that you will be spending time together. May there be many more.

[tends2dogs]

Forgiveness.  The person that it really frees is YOU.  I hope it goes well.  It sounds like your mom needs this as much as you do.  Could be prayers answered for both of you.

[lovesrecess]

Rehashing the past would be a waste of valuable time. We never know what tomorrow brings. Spend your time together as if it were your last. That perspective can open up hearts as well as heal old wounds.  I truly hope you meet each other with open arms.

[Mom2Dogs]

@Still keeper of the koi....I hope the visit with your mother goes welll....forgiveness can be difficult.

[AuntG]

You are such a dear person. Even if nothing exceptional comes out of your visit, you'll have celebrated her birthday with your mom. I hope it goes well.

[Shanus]

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@Still keeper of the koi wrote:

I often speak of my mother.Mainly my inability to accept her as is,no matter the faults. I held to pain ,the disappointment...Until the past few weeks...I have an amazing life,but these past months have tested me ,tragedy after tragedy, our family  becoming smsller,not bigger.In the mist of this,my mind kept going to my mother, I wanted her,desperately. So last week I called her,she said she was praying to hear from me, maybe  this time in life was waiting to happen.I often speak of love,how could I  speak to others with this in my own life? So I will see her tomorrow, it is her birthday,Our  time is running low.I maybe disappointed again. But maybe this is the forgiveness I often hear of.The  really living.I post  his in hopes of someone  trying one last time to heal old wounds.You are not alone in this.I am  ready  for this time I do believe,when we are ready,it happens..Sending you as always,love hugs and peace...MaryAnne

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@Still keeper of the koi  MaryAnne, I often say it takes so much more energy to hold on to resentment. It’s freeing to let it go. I hope everything works out the way you’d like. I know you approach life w/ an open heart. I’ll be thinking about you and this next journey where your life is taking you.

Shanus

[cater]

Momtodogs, that is one power full sentence of words and how very true it is.  I have been going through this with a family member for over 29 years. Yes forgiveness can be difficult. Maryann hope your time with your Mom gives you some peace in your mind and heart. Will be thinking about you tomorrow.

[hsawaknow]

I feel your pain except my pain is that my 2 children wont speak to me. It has been 5 years. When I got divorced my son was 14 and wanted to live with his Dad, my daughter was 22 and in college. I was a stay at home Mom. Dad had all the money. They chose Dad, he paid and continues to pay for everything. It was an ugly divorce. 

I have been praying everyday they will call or text me. It breaks my heart.

Cherish your Mom, enjoy your time.

[Warrior2022]

Hi there!  I hope it's ok that I respond to a such a sensitive post being new here.

Mary Anne, I have been in your shoes.  My mother was abusive and just plain mean.  I don't think she ever loved any of her 3 children.  I can count on one hand the number of times my mother hugged me or told me that she loved me.  She successfully alienated her children from each other.  My brother and sister stepped away, I kept on going back hoping for love, only to receive hate. 

In her later years she was fully disabled and did not drive, she barely could walk.  I did everything for her.  She would fly into rages at home, at restaurants, hair dressers, you name it.  It was so humiliating.  I kept going back, she was my mother and I wanted her to love me as I loved her.

My mother became very ill in April of 2014, she literally developed dementia overnight.   She passed away in July of that year.  I visited my mother several times everyday.  Never missed a day.  Those 2 months were the hardest and best of my life.  She was so kind and sweet to me.  I will take it.  I know I was a good daughter, I know I'm a good person.  She was sick, very mentally ill.  I would not take back the last days of her life I spent with her for anything. 

I almost lost my job for missing so much work, I went broke paying her bills, I cleaned out her house on my own.  I paid the lawyers to take care of her will.  I had so many days I just wanted to give up and would just cry cry and cry.   

Anyway, my heart aches for you.  My advice is to decide how little support you are willing to accept from your mother.  Just realize, you aren't going to change anything from the past.  Move forward and make every day count. 

My mother comes in my dreams a lot.  Also I haven't seen as many cardinals in the last 4 years than I've seen in my entire life.

Best wishes to you and hugs.  I hope your visit goes very well.