Among Friends

[Shanus]

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@dulwich wrote:

@Shanus  What a truly remarkable way you have handled your situation with your mother.  I applaud and admire you knowing how hard this must have been and still is but you are still there.  Have a great birthday with your mother and on your own.

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Thanks so much @dulwich. It isn’t easy, but it is worth the effort.  I’m looking forward to both parties.

[hsawaknow]

When I was younger and foolish and thought I knew everything I held grudges and would bring up peoples pasts. I wasn't nice and didn't like my parents. As I matured I realized my Dad was right about pretty much everything and I admired him, respected him and adored him. Before he passed away I wrote him a letter, I wanted him to know that I was sorry for being such a teenage brat, then a twenty something know it all. 

I told him what a great Dad he was and how much I loved him and how much I was going to miss him. {he had 2 weeks to live}

Even after that I continued to mature. I hate arguing, try to avoid confrontation and live peacefully. By no means am I a pushover. I have my POV's but wont deliberately start a fight. But I will defend a person unjustly being attacked. I am a moderate. I can look at both sides and make an informed decision based on the left and right.

My life is peaceful and joyful and the things that matter most are family and God and the beauty life has to offer.

[GCR18]

Do it for you.  

[Kalli]

I hope no one will throw tomatoes at me. This thread has me sitting here with tears in my eyes. My situation is almost opposite. 

My mom was the most wonderful person...very kind and patient with 7 of us. She never played favorites and I could confide anything to her without being judged.  She was practically my best friend. 

Mom is completely into dementia now. I miss her terribly!  She’s here but she’s not here. She has no quality of life. And this has been going on for years.  It’s ripped my heart out again and again and again. And I won’t even say how sad this has been for our whole family, especially my dad. 

I just wanted to say that there is nothing I did to deserve my parents. My siblings and I were just lucky.  Those of you who have suffered with challenging family situations are probably much stronger for it. I admire that strength.  You are special people.  Bless you!

[ROMARY]

I just recently heard these words........

Sour grapes make bitter wine. 

Sometimes we have to try to forget the past and move on so we can sip and enjoy the 'sweet wine'. 

The best of luck to both of you and to all here.

[nanny24]

Wow, I thought I was the only person in the world who didn't get along with her mom!! It is sad to see how many of you have problems as I do. Sometimes, it just isn't in the cards to forgive and get along with parents. I didn't shed one tear at my dad's funeral, and won't shed a tear at my mom's. I am there for her dr. appt's, but we will never be close. She loves my sister more, and that won't change.She is very controlling, and if I don't do as she wishes, I get the 'silent treatment' for a week or so, till she calms down. Holidays are a pain, as I really don't want her here with my family, but I feel I must invite her. There is no love. So, ladies, sometimes it just isn't in the cards.

[chiclets]

The way to have peace with your mother is to first find peace within yourself, and you can only achieve it while she is alive.

Often there is no forgetting or forgiving or hearing any one say sorry. Even so, you can still move on together by accepting what is, what was, as individuals, and not necessarily with changed behavior.

Peace only comes from within and digging deep and recognizing what is real and not wished or wanted.

Peace within yourself is the one you seek the most.

Be gentle with yourself. Find gratitude. Be humble.

[CalminHeart]

Forgiving does not mean you forget.  Forgiving does not mean you have to have a relationship with the other person.  

Forgiving means letting go of the pain and hurt.  It helps lighten the load you carry.  It takes time....sometimes a long time.  

I had a situation about 20 years ago and finally decided to let go and forgive after years of pain.  I realized that holding on to it hurt me more than it did the other person and it was just too much of a load to carry.  I would talk to myself when I was feeling that pain and talk myself out of it.  Eventually, it too hold and I really forgave.   It felt so good when I no longer carried the pain and hurt. I occasionally run into the person and am civil, nice, but don't feel anything anymore.  And it's wonderful to be free.

[fourpaws56]

forgiveness can lift a heavy burden off your shoulders....you must get rid of all the bad stuff,I did that when my Father wa dying...it definately eased my mind as well as his...I did not want to carry any guilt after his passing, and I don't.

[Mom2Dogs]

I have a family member dealing with this issue..forgiving and trying to rekindle some type of a relationship.

It is a mother and daughter.....mom was difficult, said hurtfull things, and was just mean when the daughter needed her the most, daughter was quite ill had kids and was divorced and struggling on all levels.  Parent was ALWAYS difficult, it's her personality, she's right, always right....

 As always there are two sides to the story but some of the things mom said are hard to forget/forgive.

Just recently mom wants to reconnect, daughter is struggling with what to do......