Re: Finding out things

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

This is another of those threads where facts keep being added to the story. I am not sure why people post things like this and I'm not sure why us readers jump to such conclusions.

It often plays out down the road that we had no idea what we were talking about, because we don't know the facts and don't know the people.

I think I need to stop commenting on things like this, but maybe add any pertinent information or experiences I might have had and let it go at that. I make a comment, facts are added, then I feel like an idiot for what I said.

I guess I AM an idiot! I ought to know better by now.

Sage04 · ‎07-10-2011

@Sooner , I can´t stop laughing. I laugh a lot. You are funny lol lol

BadWolf · ‎10-10-2014

When I was executor of my mo's estate, one of the first questions the attorney asked was if there were any large gifts or sales in the previous five years. I think they do that to deter tax avoidance. Surprised your attorney hasn't asked.

CrazyDaisy · ‎03-20-2010

@Sooner wrote:
This is another of those threads where facts keep being added to the story. I am not sure why people post things like this and I'm not sure why us readers jump to such conclusions.

It often plays out down the road that we had no idea what we were talking about, because we don't know the facts and don't know the people.

I think I need to stop commenting on things like this, but maybe add any pertinent information or experiences I might have had and let it go at that. I make a comment, facts are added, then I feel like an idiot for what I said.

I guess I AM an idiot! I ought to know better by now.

The OP saga with her sister-in-law has been going on well before this recent series of posts. Always evolving.

Someday, when scientists discover the center of the Universe....some people will be disappointed it is not them.

september · ‎03-09-2010

Between this thread and the related one, which I had previously posted on....I won’t have time to read all the newer posts.

I briefly scanned them, and again, I want to tell @hyacinth003 that I understand what she’s going through. My husband and my Dad died in this last year, so many of these issues...I’m living them.

the only thing I didn’t see mentioned is this: You never know if the people you’re posting personal info about on this board, could be reading the posts, or could have friends/family reading them.

If that is the case, I’m sure someone will recognize who the involved parties are, based on all the specific personal details supplied by the OP. Off the top of my head, I know the brother drives a Corvette, the SIL drives a Cadillac Escalade. She is an electrician, he is semi retired. They own a condo in Florida. They have a son.

I think many more details were given. It wouldn’t be hard for people who know this family to say “hey, I know them”.

I’ll bet this would make an already strained relationship much worse. Be careful about what you post on social media.

hyacinth003 · ‎03-12-2010

@SeaMaiden wrote:
@hyacinth003 You say that your Dad had helped you out at times....so call it even and just let it go. Why make it ugly between you and your Brother.... It is just money....

@SeaMaiden

Right now, I have no intention of pursuing it legally. It bothers me a lot that they may have taken advantage of my father, who was progressing in dementia very quickly.

My dad just OFFERED to pay off this Corvette? The one he mentioned to me every time we talked (he'd forget he already mentioned it)? He kept saying "I don't know why your brother got that car." So then he offers to pay it off? I have NEVER, EVER, asked my parents about anything that may have been given to my brother. Because it would be their right to do so. They loved both of us.

So one day he tells his wife to write a check to pay it off? I just don't see this as logical at all. Would you take money like that from someone you KNOW has severe dementia? This was my father who I admired more than anyone in the world. It hurts me to think they would take advantage of him. Paying for all their gas when she drives all over, even into another state, for her work? A $900 charge for T- Mobile - he had no cell phone. Paying for airline tickets? This woman who screamed at me when learning his only daughter was executor of his estate? Who ignored me, my husband, and my daughter at my Dad's service, in front of everyone? It feels rotten to me.

I am so grateful for the gift he has given me. I cannot do a thing about the money because they would claim he allowed it. He is dead and cannot answer. That is on them. But it is going to help me decide whether to keep either one of them in my life.

Hyacinth

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@Ketra wrote:
@hyacinth003 My friend’s son was just found guilty of “exploitation of the elderly” and sentenced. What he did was not as bad as what your family did. The court systems are cracking down on elderly abuse and that’s what that was. You have a lot to think and pray about. I’ll say a prayer for you as well.

There was no elderly exploitation in this case because the father put all three names on his accounts. So, they could all write checks and if OP questions the $14,000; her brother and his wife are going to say that the dad gifted them that money. And no one can prove otherwise. It's logical, it's reasonable and he their names were on the account. This family obviously needed to consult an attorney before the father passed away. They needed to consult with an attorney when he became ill and allowed all of them access to his accounts. I think he trusted them all and he knew he needed them all to do certain things for him but it was bounded to be problematic after his death when he didn't appoint both his children as co-executors. There would have been coordination and communication between the siblings. There is none now. Just resentment and suspicion on top of their grief.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@SeaMaiden wrote:
@hyacinth003 You say that your Dad had helped you out at times....so call it even and just let it go. Why make it ugly between you and your Brother.... It is just money....

I hope she takes your advice. It is indeed just money and she has no reason to believe that her father did not authorize the $14,000. It's not like it's a million dollars. I know if I was in her situation, I'd be more interested in preserving my relationship with my bother and his family than fighting over basically nothing.

pigletsmom · ‎11-21-2011

I hope that everyone reading here is learning that if you have a parent in any sort of assisted living situation that you are checking their accounts all the time. Family members are one thing but you never know who has access to what. My parents are totally with it but I do their banking stuff because they aren't so tech savy and if all of this stuff was going out of their account I'd know it right away. Please keep on eye on accounts!

Personally I'd go to the bank and move most of the money to an estate account. Leave a little to cover any checks that might come in but work with the bank. They'd probably work with you in case something came in that was too large and needed to come out of the new account. At least that way no one else will have access down the road.

chiclets · ‎07-01-2012

@pigletsmom wrote:
I hope that everyone reading here is learning that if you have a parent in any sort of assisted living situation that you are checking their accounts all the time. Family members are one thing but you never know who has access to what. My parents are totally with it but I do their banking stuff because they aren't so tech savy and if all of this stuff was going out of their account I'd know it right away. Please keep on eye on accounts!

Personally I'd go to the bank and move most of the money to an estate account. Leave a little to cover any checks that might come in but work with the bank. They'd probably work with you in case something came in that was too large and needed to come out of the new account. At least that way no one else will have access down the road.

@pigletsmom

I agree with you. What she needs are the statements on the account to see exactly what automatic payments came out, and then she can judge what amount she should leave in the account for the payments. As for checks she can not account for, she can give the bank representative the check numbers and they can tell her or give her copies of those checks and if they were cashed. All statements from that account should now be sent to her.