Among Friends

[Hoovermom]

I think for my own peace of mind, I would have to address it.  The feelings will only intense over the years (I know this firsthand), and you will be the person doing the suffering.  I'm sorry you are going through this difficult time with the passing of your dad.  My sincere condolences.

[Mom2Dogs]

@hyacinth003   Wow, just wow....I wonder if your brother is aware of this?  No wonder she wanted to be in charge of the estate!

Have you considered sending him via registered mail a copy of this check?  Makes you wonder if he is aware.

I hate it when this stuff happens.

[Allegheny]

Honestly, I would now be so upset and frustrated with my brother and his wife's actions prior and since my father's death  I do not know if I could adequately perform my role as executor without prejudice.  I would have to secure the services of a probate or estate attorney for legal guidance.

As executor, I would want to be absolutely sure that every thing I did was correct.  I do not know if the cost of such could be charged to the estate.

[NickNack]

@hyacinth003   I'm sure you know this, but his checking account needs to be closed, and an "Estate of" account needs to be opened with you as the Executor and only person who can sign the checks.  My father was executor of my cousin's estate a few years ago, and I had to do a lot of work on that for him.  He really was too old and should have declined to do it but felt like he could.  Closing her checking account and opening the estate account was the first thing he did.

[FrostyBabe1]

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@NickNack wrote:

@hyacinth003   I'm sure you know this, but his checking account needs to be closed, and an "Estate of" account needs to be opened with you as the Executor and only person who can sign the checks.  My father was executor of my cousin's estate a few years ago, and I had to do a lot of work on that for him.  He really was too old and should have declined to do it but felt like he could.  Closing her checking account and opening the estate account was the first thing he did.

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Not necessarily.  As I said in an earlier post, it all depends on how her father set things up in his lifetime, and the law in her state. When my Mom passed away, I continued to pay her bills from her existing accounts. I won't go in to details because I'm not airing my family's financial laundry, but it was all a part of the estate planning process and was perfectly legal. This is a conversation that @hyacinth003 needs to have with her attorney. 

[fitfuninformed]

Wow.....just....wow

[hyacinth003]

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@AuntG wrote:

Well that explains a lot of her behavior. How stupid to write Corvette in the memo line - it's basically admitting she stole money to buy a car. I'd politely ask if they would mind if you deducted that amount from the settlement. Of course she will yell and scream, but at least your brother will have a chance to be a stand-up guy.

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@AuntG 

You are sure right!  Writing "Corvette" on the memo line wasn't very smart.

Funny thing is, every time I saw my dad he would say that he couldn't understand why my brother bought that Corvette.  Every single time he would mention it!  I would just answer that it was a nice car.  I was neutral about it.  My brother had told me it was always a dream of his to have one.

I made a mistake earlier when I said she had mentioned she had paid off the Corvette.  She actually said she had paid off her Escalade.  That was at Christmas.  I was shocked to hear her mention ANYTHING regarding money.  So, in July, she paid off the Corvette with that check from my dad's account - that's what I think it was.

Hyacinth

[hyacinth003]

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@Allegheny wrote:

Honestly, I would now be so upset and frustrated with my brother and his wife's actions prior and since my father's death  I do not know if I could adequately perform my role as executor without prejudice.  I would have to secure the services of a probate or estate attorney for legal guidance.

As executor, I would want to be absolutely sure that every thing I did was correct.  I do not know if the cost of such could be charged to the estate.

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@Allegheny 

I will absolutely administer the estate properly FOR MY FATHER.  I am his firstborn and only daughter.  I have already set in motion many of the issues.  I will not spend his hard earned estate be eaten up by attorney fees like my husband's dad's was.  Yes, I believe it could be charged to the estate, but I don't want to do that for him.  My father-in-law was a hard working, non spending, kind of man.  And two of his sons spent $80,000 in legal fees.  One of them could have STOPPED IT at any time.

I would never do this to my parent's memory.  I don't think there is anything I can legally do.  The morality is ON THEM.  I have had her number since day 1, but if my brother is complicit, it will hurt me terribly.  She handles all the money.  I understand fiduciary duty, and I will abide by it.

Hyacinth

[chiclets]

If anyone is a signer on a checking account they can take any money they want from the checking account, for whatever reason they want.

This is why when two individuals have a checking account together and the relationship goes bonkers the first one to the bank takes most of the money out of the account.

[hyacinth003]

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@chiclets wrote:

If anyone is a signer on a checking account they can take any money they want from the checking account, for whatever reason they want.

This is why when two individuals have a checking account together and the relationship goes bonkers the first one to the bank takes most of the money out of the account.

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@chiclets 

My attorney told me this.  He said to leave it open for the time being to allow transactions already set up to go through.

He then said to close it, and open another one in the name of the estate with me as the executor and trustee.  That would allow only me to have access.  They haven't touched it since my father's passing.  But I still have a few checks to look for.

Hyacinth