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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together


@Whatnow wrote:

@wildflowers @I love your response to the neighbor.She probably didn’t mean to be insensitive but she was and you sure set her straight.

 

 

@Whatnow ...I surprised myself as we all usually find ourselves speechless when suddenly confronted with an insensitive or insulting remark and then we think afterwards of what we should have said...lol

 

Well, this particular neighbor has a history of making several insensitive remarks regarding my husband and I not having children, so I finally decided to "set her straight" and the words just flowed out so naturally!...It was such a healthy release for me and long overdue! Woman Very Happy

 

 


 

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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

[ Edited ]

@momtodogs  It seems things have just reached a natural impasse. I completely get what you're saying about a 'heart to heart' not being feasilbe or possibly even desirable... If you and the friend can't work out some one on one time to do whatever it is the two of you might choose to do together then that sort of clarifies that she's no longer interested in that sort of friendship and you're no longer interested in a friendship that always involves 'a cast of thousands', so to speak... Should it go down that way, you might consider only sporadically accepting the invitations to join the sisters. By doing so, the invitations most likely will eventually peter out but neither of you will have actively ended the friendship...

 

It might even be that if one on one time together with just your once close friend did occur, you'd find that the nature of the friendship has changed so much that it isn't really all that desirable any more... On the other hand, it might be that you both find it so enjoyable that she will wonder why the two of you don't do it more often... Either way, the path would be more clear...

 

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In my pantry with my cupcakes...
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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

@stevieb ...I really don't ever see this friendship totally ending....but it is changing....I am going to let go of the one on one thing, because I am all but certain that the event (between the two of us)  would be mentioned and the other sister that I am not as fond of will tag along....it's a sister thing and I get it....

 

I have in the past just not gone along with a planned event (lunch, shopping), the family stuff (conversations) just get old...I have been picking and choosing what I want to do with them for about a year...it's just a bit of a painful transition...several friends have retired and moved several states away, and new friends as we age does not come easy.

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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

@momtodogs  I hear you... Yet another of life's 'passages' that don't always seem like an improvement, to be sure... 

 

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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

@stevieb , how right you are!!

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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

If they are nice ladies, don't give them up as friends even if you see them occasionally. Its hard to make and keep friends as you get older. I'm retired and try to cultivate as many friends as possible. Some, I only go to lunch with occasionally but we always have something to catch up on. It beats sitting at home and looking at the four walls.
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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

[ Edited ]

 

 

@momtodogs .....Before things started changing, did you and your close friend have many one-on-one get-togethers or were they mostly the group get-togethers?

 

 You mentioned that you started noticing a difference within the past few years...Were you finding that she preferred the group get-togethers more and that she no longer was interested in just the two of you having one-on-one time together?

 

I also wanted to share that I have two sisters and it just wouldn't be the same if they were present at get-togethers with my girlfriends...I wouldn't be able to communicate as openly and freely with my friends if my sisters were present, due to personal family dynamics.

 

We are dealing with family dynamics going on and the friendship dynamics going on and, joning the two together, along with the various personalities and relationships involved with each other, can certainly create a complex influence on those very relationships over time.

 

Human nature is complex and fascinating!

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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

@momtodogs,

I truly get the gist of what you’re saying.  

 

I think we count on our friendships to provide whatever type of supportive “crutch” we need in our lives, and we know which friend is the one we turn to when we need that boost.  But we ALL change and friends who once gave us the comfort and support we needed, suddenly don’t, OR we realize we cannot be the support our friend needs.   

 

I have a dear friend who has always looked at me as her stable home base.  Every time her life gets to be a bit much, here she comes to spend time with me, to “absorb my aura” (her words, I swear).  I’ve learned my “aura” is nothing more than a dose of reality.  I am the only person who looks my friend in the eye and tells her to pull up her BGP’s and deal with it, to get the H*** over it, and stop running from the drama she creates.  The only specialness about me is that I still live in the only place on earth where she remembers true peace, and love from her family.   

 

We will always be friends until one of us dies, because we accept how we’ve changed.

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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

@RedTop , I understand what you are saying. The friendship with this friend is mutual, I don't think I give more than she does and I am sure she would say the same thing...we are good friends and have been for a very long time....the biggest issues we have had to face is  the death of our parents and we both had an issue with our own sister....we were a God send to each other during those times.

 

Like I stated earlier, and you did as well we will always be friends our lives are intertwined but it has changed and I can accept that....just hard to do so.

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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

I'm so very sorry. 

 

All relationships grow and evolve, they also need to be fed and cared for.  Sometimes, thet go in a direction that we didn't forsee. 

 

Try to find something new to do together that you could enjoy.  Antiqueing, exploring a small town, a craft show now that the weather is nice as well as hiking.

 

I've had a similar situation happen with myself.  We had been best friends since 14, I helped her with the divorce from an abusive husband.  Now all she can do is things with grandchildren.  I love my grandchildren, but it isn't an obsession. We're the same if we meet for dinner alone, but not in a group.  I finally quit.

 

Best of luck.Smiley Happy