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Honored Contributor
Posts: 22,692
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

I think we have all felt like that at times, please don't make too much of this.  Friendships do change over the years based on how our lives change and how much we see each other.  You have your dinners but how strong are your connections to these women outside of the dinners?  Do you see them individually, call, email?  Understandably, the sisters in the group are closer.  There are 6 in our group now.    Yes, of course, those of us who have children and grandchildren do indeed talk about them when we are all together.  But the girls who have furbabies also talk about them.  The girls who work, talk about work.  The divorced girls bash their exes.  I'm trying to say that, when you begin to feel excluded from the conversation, that is the time for you to change the discussion.  Find something that you all have in common; tv, movies, shopping, politics, books, vacations, shopping.  You are wrong, there is indeed a resolution to what you are feeling.  Turn the conversation in another direction, something fun that you all have in common.  

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Posts: 3,397
Registered: ‎07-25-2010

Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

[ Edited ]

I would see it as a good thing for your friend that she has gotten closer to her sister.  She’s getting older....no husband or children....and probably on some level realizing it will be siblings, nieces and nephews helping her and assisting with health decisions as she becomes more elderly and dependent.  It doesn’t mean she doesn’t still care for you as a good friend ....she and her sister have just deepened their relationship.  

 

Nothing ever stays the same...and change can be tough sometimes, but it doesn’t have to be bad.  Hope you still are able to enjoy the friendship.

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Posts: 5,625
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

I've felt that way more than a few times -- but then I stop and think -- Am I making this about me? Probably once a day I remind myself -- This isn't about you. That realization saves me from vain imaginations. Even aging makes you feel left out in a crowd. I'll remind myself -- not about me and I'll stop over thinking. Just a gentle reminder of what I have to do almost every day. I hope it helps. It's called Freedom.   

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau
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Posts: 2,460
Registered: ‎03-24-2018

Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

I can relate too. Most of my friends have kids but I do not and hardly have much to contribute when we get together. It is a sad feeling.

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Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together


@FlowerBear wrote:

I can relate too. Most of my friends have kids but I do not and hardly have much to contribute when we get together. It is a sad feeling.


@FlowerBear, your comment reminds me of a great line I heard on a Netflix series whose title is somewhere in my muddled brain.

 

Two women, one with children and the other without children, are speaking to each other. The one with children asks the other whether she ever regrets not having a child. The other woman looks her straight in the eye and asks her whether she ever regretted HAVING children.

 

Best comeback to a rude question EVAR!

 

Oh, the series was House of Cards. Loved it.


~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
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Posts: 7,694
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

I suspect the OP doesn't enjoy listening to them going on about their children and grandchildren and I don't blame her. I don't talk about my child who is a married adult and not interested in children so no grandchildren. If I had grandchildren, I wouldn't bore people talking about them either.

I agree that friends and family don't mix. Families have history, childhood memories, and relationships that exclude friends. Since the OP can't see her friend without the friend's family, she can either make the best of it or replace the friend.

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Registered: ‎01-05-2015

Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

[ Edited ]

@suzyQ3 wrote:

@FlowerBear wrote:

I can relate too. Most of my friends have kids but I do not and hardly have much to contribute when we get together. It is a sad feeling.

 


@FlowerBear, your comment reminds me of a great line I heard on a Netflix series whose title is somewhere in my muddled brain.

 

Two women, one with children and the other without children, are speaking to each other. The one with children asks the other whether she ever regrets not having a child. The other woman looks her straight in the eye and asks her whether she ever regretted HAVING children.

 

Best comeback to a rude question EVAR!

 

Oh, the series was House of Cards. Loved it.

 

 

 

@suzyQ3...Your post caught my attention!....An older neighbor of mine who has 5 children and 9 grandchildren has made a few insensitive remarks to me about my husband and I not having children.

 

One time, while we were outside and talking, she actually said to me...."I don't know how you do it?"...I had no idea what she was talking about and replied...."What do you mean?"...She said..."How do you cope with not having children, as I can't imagine my life without my children and grandchildren?"

 

Without hesitation, I simply replied...."Well, I don't know how you can even ask someone such an insensitive question...Everyone's lives take different paths...Not everyone's path is going to be a replica of yours and your path doesn't mean that you have any more of a fulfilling or happier life than others whose lives don't quite meet your expectations."

 

This was the first time I ever found her so speechless!...lol

 

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Posts: 774
Registered: ‎06-08-2011

Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

One the most difficult things we deal with in life is changing relationships.  I always thought I'd remain best friends with certain people from my younger days, but that hasn't always been the case.  We all changed.  Our lives took different journeys.  I like to say that with some friends, you travel the lifetime journey together.  Others are on the same pathway for a while and then may exit at some point.  Some leave and then return.  Some new friends may join the journey with you later in life.  It is sad to see some go and yes, we sometimes grieve the loss of those friendships, but try to accept that it's just a part of life.  

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Posts: 28,271
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

We all feel that way at different times.  Look!  I’m extremely outgoing ( never met a stranger).  However, there are times when I turn inward and just don’t feel “ the vibes”.  

 

What I mean is, I’m just not ‘ connecting’.  My opinion is to read all responses here.  Then think where you were EMOTIONALLY at that time ( i.e. good mood, not in a good place, something unrelated was on your mind, etc).  Perhaps there was someone ( or two) who you weren’t excited to meet up with, our memories trick us.

 

Then ( if I were you), I would reconnect with one or two,

individually.  Maybe you didn’t realize it, but THAT is what you wanted in the first place.

 

Please don’t forget us.  Come back AFTER you’ve reconnected and let us know how great and happy you are feeling.  We all care or we wouldn’t answer you, sweet girl😀

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Posts: 14,837
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

@wildflowers @I love your response to the neighbor.She probably didn’t mean to be insensitive but she was and you sure set her straight.