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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together


@september wrote:

@GenXmuse wrote:

Can you just have time with your friend just the two of you or is it a package deal?  Maybe it was just an off night and you weren’t feeling it. I wouldn’t give up just yet. 


I’d suggest that, too. Some people behave differently when there is a group. I personally, like having one on one time with friends 


....Yes, I prefer one on one time, but that has not happened for quite a while, ..I thought that was going to happen a few weeks ago and her sister invited her self!!

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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

[ Edited ]

@momtodogs wrote:

@wildflowers Yes, this close friend is the main concern....I feel like I have been replaced by one of her sisters...yes I know it's her sister...but I was always the one that she would call to help her with things, (and I would do the same), go shopping with, chat with etc., shared confidences, she spent all holidays with dh and me because her sisters were busy with their family for the holidays....that has ended, and it makes me feel uncomfortable, probably more sad at the loss of a close friend....she is not the type that you can have a warm, fuzzy conversation with. 

 

 

@momtodogs ...Ah okay, I understand more clearly now....So it sounds like her relationship with her one sister has become more closer and, therefore, she is more involved with her now and you no longer feel as included in her life.

 

Does she contact you at all anymore or make conversation with you while you are out together with her sisters and the other women in the group or do you feel that she is alienating you more as time goes on?

 

Personal dynamics between friendships and family relationships can be challenging at times, so open communication is so very important.

 

It would be so very helpful if you could get together with her and try having a good talk about how you feel.


 

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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

You're not alone.  It happens - or as the saying goes, "life happens".

If your face brightens when you meet a friend, you have struck gold. - unknown
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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

I think that all of us have experienced this at one time or other. Years ago my two friends and I went to the movies. After we went to a bar. I wasn’t told we would be going. Sitting on a bar stool I was so uncomfortable. A man started to talk to me. I was nervous. They found it funny. I was mad and told them. It never happened again.

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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

@momtodogs, I understand- I'm going thru a version of the same thing. Not even sure what has happened or why, I think I've been replaced to be honest. And it just kind of stinks.

I would be very irritated that the sister invited herself a few weeks ago, when you and your friend had plans. I'd be irritated with both of them.

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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together


@Catiele wrote:

I think that all of us have experienced this at one time or other. Years ago my two friends and I went to the movies. After we went to a bar. I wasn’t told we would be going. Sitting on a bar stool I was so uncomfortable. A man started to talk to me. I was nervous. They found it funny. I was mad and told them. It never happened again.


 

 

@Catiele 

 

???    I must be missing something here  .....  why were you uncomfortable .... because someone talked to you?   

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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

honestly, i would suggest that maybe age has something to do with it.

 

i have noticed that as i age, it seems like the dynamics of almost all of my peer relationships are changing.  my guess is that we are both aging and that things are just CHANGING.  it's not necessarily always an unpleasant change, but definitely change.  

 

i try to roll with it and accept that things are just not exactly the way they used to be.  

 

i wish you the best! 

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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

It's funny bc I have a rule - I never mix friends and family.  If I have lunch with my sister, it's just the two of us.  If I have lunch with a friend it's just the two of us.  I've had to become very upfront bc I have a friend who constantly invites himself when I go on a trip or if I'm having lunch with friends he doesn't know.  This happened recently - I just got back from a 7 day trip with my brother/SIL and my friend asked if he could go.  I just told him - "no, I don't mix friends/family".  He was taken aback a little but looked at me and said "ok, I understand".   I feel the same about him - if he's going somewhere with friends I don't know or his brother/SIL I wouldn't want to go to that either.

 

Mixing the two changes the dynamics of the group.  I say things to my sister I'd not be able to say with my friend there. 

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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

@wildflowers , yes you are correct about the closeness with the other sister, and yes we still interact when we are together, but since texting has become so popular, that is the main source of communitation...not my choice, but on occasion we do talk on the phone but her free time is limited....trying to discuss the issue would go no where, I know her very well, it would not work, but I appreciate the advice.

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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

@Financialgrl I totally agree about mixing friends with family....but this group is very family orientated and if that was how I conducted our relationship, I would not see her at all.  Their family was born and raised and never left the area, unlike my family.

 

Over the years of our friendship (which are many) a lot of people thought we were sisters as we were together a lot, just because of the circumstances of our life.

 

As the other sisters' children grew up and out of the house, they were included in our acticities...again, not by me but the older sister did not want to leave her sisters out and it the whole thing has just evolved, and before I knew it we are now all a group.

 

There is no easy answer....either I am in or I am out, and I guess it is my choice.