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Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Feeling out of sorts after a get together

I had dinner recently with friends (girls)....several in  the group are sisters, two (including me) are friends with the sisters....I was once very close with one of the women...for many years.  We shared an apartment, for several years, before I got married....we continued to be very close until the last few years.  She never married nor did she have kids, I was married but no kids, and we had a lot things in common. 

 

I can't put my finger on it, either I changed or she did!  I felt like an outsider at the table...I don't want to give up the friends but the anticipation I used to 'feel'  when we would have a girls evening out just does not exist anymore...I feel like I have nothing to add to the conversation...they all talk about their family, grand kids, etc.  Just needed to vent I guess, cause I know there is no resolution except to cut ties, and I don't want to do that.

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Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

I've felt that way at times too.  It's an unpleasant and unsettling feeling.  I understand why you still want to remain friends.  Maybe don't see them as often or have a longer break before you do get together again.  You just might feel differently the next time you're all together.

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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

I can relate.  I had a similar situation.  You are feeling the loss of a friendship.  Why don't you meet up with the ex roommate separately.  Can you invite her out to lunch.  Or is there something that you used to do together when you lived together.  Jump start the friendship.  If she doesn't seem interested, it's fizzled.  It's hard.

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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

[ Edited ]

  People change & friendships evolve.Sometimes they continue & sometimes they just run their course. Sometimes they require a time out & are reborn into something a little different & maybe stronger.

  Maybe take a break.Give yourself time to explore your feelings. You may find that you no longer have anything in common with these ladies.Or you may remember what brought you together in the first place.You may realize that your history is what binds you together.That these women love you for who you are,unconditionally without judgement.

 

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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

@momtodogs @Maybe it was just an off night and things will get back to normal next time.It could be that things have been happening in their lives that they aren’t ready to chat about yet.I find that as I get older health problems change and interfere with my happy devil may care attitude.You start thinking that you aren’t invincible after all.They are probably recognizing their time is getting shorter and maybe focusing more on family...if you aren’t enjoying them,it is up to you to continue or not.

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Registered: ‎01-05-2015

Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

[ Edited ]

 

 

I'm not quite understanding your post...It sounds like you and your close friend still have a lot in common, including similar lifestyles,  whereas the other women have children and grandchildren and their conversation revolves around their families...so that is where you feel the disconnection?

 

However, you stated that something has changed beween you and your close friend that  you can't quite "put your finger on it"....Have you tried just getting together with her and opening up to her about your feelings?...Do you feel comfortable doing that?

 

It sounds like it is your close friend that is your main concern?

 

 

 

 

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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

@wildflowers Yes, this close friend is the main concern....I feel like I have been replaced by one of her sisters...yes I know it's her sister...but I was always the one that she would call to help her with things, (and I would do the same), go shopping with, chat with etc., shared confidences, she spent all holidays with dh and me because her sisters were busy with their family for the holidays....that has ended, and it makes me feel uncomfortable, probably more sad at the loss of a close friend....she is not the type that you can have a warm, fuzzy conversation with. 

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Registered: ‎05-15-2016

Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

Can you just have time with your friend just the two of you or is it a package deal?  Maybe it was just an off night and you weren’t feeling it. I wouldn’t give up just yet. 

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Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together


@GenXmuse wrote:

Can you just have time with your friend just the two of you or is it a package deal?  Maybe it was just an off night and you weren’t feeling it. I wouldn’t give up just yet. 


I’d suggest that, too. Some people behave differently when there is a group. I personally, like having one on one time with friends 

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Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Feeling out of sorts after a get together

IT sounds like this friendship has run its course.

 

we change daily. We change friends, we change cars. Our lives are constantly in change.

 

what was a friend of many years just faded away. You know longer have the same feelings as you once did for this particular person or couple or group of friends.

 

just like we change cars every so often we do change friends. What use to be important to us years ago is no longer as important to us now.