Among Friends

[software]

The 2nd wife is going to be linked to the first wife, if there are children involved, like it or not.   The mature way is to find a way to "like" the first wife, if for no other reason than to be an adult.    To dislike her may not doom the marriage but will make "you" miserable.  

In this case the children are grown, so it may be moot.   But then there are grandchildren, weddings, family reunions, etc.    

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@jaxs mom wrote:

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@panda1234 wrote:

@findingjoy

Just a comment.......if she does not care for you or your children l don't think this is going to last. Your children are part of you and your ex and a big part of your lives, this is not going to go well for him.

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I'd venture that the vast majority of second wives do not like their husbands ex. It doesn't mean their marriage is doomed. 

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[missy1]

Sounds like he didn't cheat on you with this other woman. Then you would have more to be upset about. Speaking from experience, you need to get your mind off their relationship and think of  more positive things. It will consume you. Don't let it.

Yes, you can still be cordial with your ex, and he can help you out with things (even if he is married) What a concept.

[muttmom]

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@findingjoy wrote:

SandyKay -

Thank you for your response.  You feel exactly the same way I feel!

And I do not understand why someone is linking me to a previous poster.  You can't think that this issue is so isolated?  I think it happens more than you think,

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It's an odd topic for a first time poster.

The other poster with almost the identical story, chose the same forum you did.

Can't say I ever heard of an ex husband who spent so much time with or calling his ex wife when he was going to marry his live-in love.

[noodleann]

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@muttmom wrote:

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@findingjoy wrote:

SandyKay -

Thank you for your response.  You feel exactly the same way I feel!

And I do not understand why someone is linking me to a previous poster.  You can't think that this issue is so isolated?  I think it happens more than you think,

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It's an odd topic for a first time poster.

The other poster with almost the identical story, chose the same forum you did.

Can't say I ever heard of an ex husband who spent so much time with or calling his ex wife when he was going to marry his live-in love.

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I also found the combination of never having posted before with this name, and choosing a forum that it took months for me to open (simply because how on earth can you consider anyone here a "friend" if you're new and don't know anyone) quite odd.

There's nothing wrong with odd, but drumming up drama really gets under people's skin here, and they don't like being snookered. They start saving links and taking notes. Every post has a unique identifier, and even the Luddites know how to do screen shots. Just sayin'...

[findingjoy]

FYI, I have been a long time reader on these boards for the several months.  So I do know all the forums.  Last time I checked, you do not need to make a posting in order to do some reading.

I find it very odd that some people would think I made this story up.  I am seeking advise, that is all.  I don't normally tell my friends all my business, so I was asking advise.  Plain and simple.

[Stormygirl]

Maybe is just me but have been here over 2 years and have yet to feel the least bit comfy posting about intimate family/romantic issues so freely with strangers. But maybe that is just me as I am guarded most of the time. Anyway my only advice is for OP to be careful of the many co-dependancy issues described. One may want to consider some help in this area. Be well xxxxxxxxxx Stormy

[NickNack]

I don't understand why some of you think this poster has posted previously about the same situation.  It doesn't sound the same to me at all, and the style of writing isn't the same.

[Nomorebirthdays]

Who calls anyone 4x a day? Get a job or a hobby. Turn the phone off.

[Moonchilde]

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@Stormygirl wrote:

Maybe is just me but have been here over 2 years and have yet to feel the least bit comfy posting about intimate family/romantic issues so freely with strangers. But maybe that is just me as I am guarded most of the time. Anyway my only advice is for OP to be careful of the many co-dependancy issues described. One may want to consider some help in this area. Be well xxxxxxxxxx Stormy

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@Stormygirl

Hi Sweetie!

I think there are people who are always pretty open about a lot - in their real life and/or on the internet - and there are people who, by nature, are pretty unsharing, shall we say.

I went through stages - used to put "me" into most of what I did - in person and online. Got smacked up pretty badly over the years, from "friends." Yeah right. So went to not sharing, not caring. That definitely works.

But now, if I think my experience or my knowledge of a topic discussed here or elsewhere could be helpful, I will talk about things I've experienced in my personal life. But I still separate myself emotionally. Just relating an experience - helpful to someone? I'm pleased. Someone wants to "get at" me with comments just for lolz? Sooo obvious. Annoying yes, but like an insect...the crawly kind.

Interesting that in another thread, when I was being silly recently, someone commented that I usually come off as dead serious. I said it's because there are no "safe places" on these forums, so letting your guard down is not wise.  The people whom I see most often being smacked are those who "guard" nothing - and then wonder why they are smacked, and complain about da mean peoplez.  Mean people are always out there - and/but we're responsible for our own psyches and how we handle them and present to others.

Hugs 😍😍🌻