Feeling a little hurt today - Page 6

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

It is possible to remain friendly with the ex, and to even have friendly conversations with the ex, but to not solely depend on him for your happiness.

KingstonsMom · ‎03-09-2010

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
@findingjoy wrote:
Because I feel like I have been played a fool. He had no intention of telling me they were getting married. It hurts. I do still have feelings for him.

It is obvious that you still have feelings for him, but he did not lead you on.

You saw what you wanted to see.

You believed what you chose to believe.

You read things in to the friendship that simply were not there.

He was in a LTR with another woman.

I don't know how much more clear he could have made it to you that he had moved on.

So he called often, he's the father of your children.

He probably figured that it's better to be friends with the mother of his children, than enemies.

Truth is, you are mad at yourself for believing in a fantasy, and not having moved on like he did.

@Plaid Pants2

I will bet money that none of those "several calls a day" nor the "invites to dinner" had anything to do with these adults kids, since she's said that they are not close to their father and are adults.

She wouldn't feel like there was hope for them as a couple if these calls were all about the adult "kids" IMO, I'll bet there was some 'flirty' conversations going on, leading her to believe there could be a chance of reconciliation.

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

KingstonsMom · ‎03-09-2010

@Nicknack wrote:
I replied to your first post that you should remain friends with him. Now that you've posted more about the situation, I take back what I originally said. My advice would be like others here. Quit taking his calls and find another handyman. Just don't answer the phone. You need to move on with your life.

@NickNack

Realizing that the "kids" are adults and not really close to their father changed the whole scenario for me too.

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

@KingstonsMom wrote:
@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
@findingjoy wrote:
Because I feel like I have been played a fool. He had no intention of telling me they were getting married. It hurts. I do still have feelings for him.

It is obvious that you still have feelings for him, but he did not lead you on.

You saw what you wanted to see.

You believed what you chose to believe.

You read things in to the friendship that simply were not there.

He was in a LTR with another woman.

I don't know how much more clear he could have made it to you that he had moved on.

So he called often, he's the father of your children.

He probably figured that it's better to be friends with the mother of his children, than enemies.

Truth is, you are mad at yourself for believing in a fantasy, and not having moved on like he did.

@Plaid Pants2

I will bet money that none of those "several calls a day" nor the "invites to dinner" had anything to do with these adults kids, since she's said that they are not close to their father and are adults.

She wouldn't feel like there was hope for them as a couple if these calls were all about the adult "kids" IMO, I'll bet there was some 'flirty' conversations going on, leading her to believe there could be a chance of reconciliation.

So, exes can ONLY talk about the children, and NOTHING else, ever?

Exes can't talk about what's going on in the news, politics, what-are-your-plans-for-the-weekend?

Exes who are friends talk about more than just the kids.

She knew that he was in LTR, with another woman, but she didn't want to believe that it would really last.

She saw what she wanted to see, believe what she wanted to believe.

He probably felt that it was better to be friends with the mother of his children than enemies.

Or, is that wrong, too?

Silver Lining · ‎04-16-2010

@SaRina wrote:
@findingjoy wrote:
He has called me 4 times already today, after I told him this morning that we needed to sever this relationship. This is what I mean - he calls me 5-6 times a day, I really do not call him. He constantly asks me to dinner, and also is readily available to help with any work around my house.

So he has made it easy for me, stay friends with him and he is there if I need any work done.

I would not be comfortable keeping this up if he is marrying her.
Then you shouldn't.

This story sounds eerily familiar. Anyone else? Remember the poster who couldn't get over her ex, who had a girlfriend.... and they still spent time together. Did he even stay in her house?

Yes. Deja Vu All Over Again. This poster gets off on repeating her dysfunctional stories.

susan kay · ‎06-28-2011

@findingjoy, although I don't know the specifics of your relationship with your ex-husband, I have to tell you that my former husband and I were divorced a LONG time ago, and we remain very good friends. I have absolutely no interest in getting married to him again, but if he told me he was getting married again, I would feel badly. Why? Not sure, but I do know for one thing the relationship would change. We wouldn't have the get togethers that we now do or talk on the phone the way we do now. It would just be different. I don't think that every ex-wife is waiting to get back together with their ex-husband!!!!

There is no right or wrong answer for you. Why not just give it some time and see how things work out? You really don't know what the upcoming weeks and months will bring.

No matter what happens with him, though, maybe looking for someone to date isn't a bad idea......if that's what you want. Doesn't have to be a serious relationship, but someone to go out and have fun with.

lulu2 · ‎03-09-2010

@findingjoy

There's a reason he is your X. You need to move on.

Does your former husband and his girlfriend live in your former home? Did you you get a place nearby to remain in the school district? Do we know you by another name?

chickenbutt · ‎03-09-2010

This story sounds extremely familiar to me, too, but I hesitated to say anything. Glad I'm not alone so it's not just me.

FrostyBabe1 · ‎05-09-2016

The story sounded nearly identical to that of another poster to me as well.

~The more someone needs to brag about how wonderful, special, successful, wealthy or important they are, the greater the likelihood that it isn't true. ~

SarahW · ‎03-09-2010

@Candyapple wrote:
Findingjoy you will be making a very big mistake if you end the friendship you two have. I don't know why his fiancé doesn't like you but I have a feeling she may be jealous of you. If you end the friendship you will be giving her just what she wants. But besides that, don't you think you will be more miserable if you end the friendship? At least you have that going for you. There are so many divorced people who wish they could have such a good friendship with each other. Like others have said, he's been living with her and now he's marrying her. Not much is changing, in my opinion. Also, by ending the friendship, you may have him bring himself emotionally closer to her, since he no longer will have you in his life. Do you want that?

However, even though I think you should maintain the friendship just as it was before, I also believe you should get out and start doing things and having some fun. As they say, sometimes love comes to us when we're not even looking. It's not always necessary to have to go searching for it.

I just have to say, if he is marrying the woman he certainly now owes HER his emotional commitment. So yeah, he should be "emotionally closer to HER", she will be his wife. I hope the new wife knows what she's getting into with this dysfunctional sounding arrangement. Jeeze.