Feeling a little hurt today - Page 5

2blonde · ‎03-10-2010

@findingjoy You said at the beginning of this thread that his significant other doesn't care much for you or your kids. Now I understand why.......he calls you 4-5 times a day and comes over to fix your house problems??? If I was her, I'd be livid. YOU are the OTHER woman!

Laura loves cats!

Candyapple · ‎04-24-2016

Findingjoy you will be making a very big mistake if you end the friendship you two have. I don't know why his fiancé doesn't like you but I have a feeling she may be jealous of you. If you end the friendship you will be giving her just what she wants. But besides that, don't you think you will be more miserable if you end the friendship? At least you have that going for you. There are so many divorced people who wish they could have such a good friendship with each other. Like others have said, he's been living with her and now he's marrying her. Not much is changing, in my opinion. Also, by ending the friendship, you may have him bring himself emotionally closer to her, since he no longer will have you in his life. Do you want that?

However, even though I think you should maintain the friendship just as it was before, I also believe you should get out and start doing things and having some fun. As they say, sometimes love comes to us when we're not even looking. It's not always necessary to have to go searching for it.

Melvin-QVC · ‎06-14-2015

Moved:

This post has been removed by QVC because it links to another retailer.

candyagain · ‎04-11-2010

I've been in your shoes three times now. Once -- when the girlfriend became pregnant and he had to marry her and twice -- when he married and divorced and remarried the same third wife. It never got easier even though I was SO over him and my daughter and I made a great home together. It is that normal reaction that others here have described. You naturally feel "left out".

LOL, I became used to it and it ended sooner each time.

Don't you let on to him and her that you have those feelings. I used some tongue in cheek advice from Miss Manners and it worked ourt to be the best real advice. He now respects me and so do his exes. Miss Manners said to be gracious and exceedingly civil. After all, you were the first choice....all others will pale in comparison to you. Be so grateful and sympathetic and somewhat relieved when you speak with the bride-to-be. She has your ex as her responsibility. You are now free of that burden and happily enjoying your new opportunities.

It worked for me and I never had a fight with either and they saw me as a lady. I also never got involved when they wanted to enlist my help in their struggles with my ex. I would listen for a moment amd then say kindly, "We don't want to talk about Joe (not his real name) now" and say goodbye.....nicely.

Candy

PS> Just read some of your more recent posts. I reconciled 4 times....it was three times too many. Move on and enjoy your new life.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

He's living with the woman he loves and he said he's marrying her. Even if he doesn't.....he's still with her. Maybe he calls you multiple times a day, maybe he really doesn't. Maybe you go out to eat, maybe you don't. What ever the real situation, you either move on with your own life or you continue having a fantasy relationhsip with man who shares his bed with another woman....and has....for years. It's your choice.

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

You were holding on to the hope that you and your ex would get back together, and that the girlfriend was just temporary.

You were fantasizing that he would come to his senses, realize that he was still madly and passionately still in love with you, and that you were his one true soulmate.

Why else would he continue to see you, even as "just friends"?

When he made the announcement that he was getting married, the reality hit that he had moved on with his life, while you had stayed stagnant.

You were willing to accept the crumbs of a friendship, all the while, you wanted more than just that.

He did not lead you on.

You knew that he was in a long term relationship with another woman.

You chose to believe what you wanted to believe.

That's why you didn't move on with your life, and he did.

Nobody is the bad guy here.

jaxs mom · ‎04-18-2012

@findingjoy wrote:
My kids are grown - they are in their late 20's. They are not particulary close to their dad. I guess I am hurt because it feels like he still had feelings for me, and led me to believe that maybe we would work things out - we were married over 30 years. And I never moved on, because he was always there for me, calling me several times a day.

So I feel terribly blindsided by this. I should have moved on 6 years ago when we first got divorced. Now so many years have been wasted, and I am in my late 50's. Guess part of me does not like the idea of being alone at this stage. Kids are gone.

I'm sorry you're hurting. When you're ready, try and look forward and not backwards. At least you now know that it's time to emotionally let him go and to move on with being happy without him. That is an important step of the process that will allow you to eventually be ready and open to happiness with someone else, if that's what you want.

Don't Change Your Authenticity for Approval

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

@findingjoy wrote:
Because I feel like I have been played a fool. He had no intention of telling me they were getting married. It hurts. I do still have feelings for him.

It is obvious that you still have feelings for him, but he did not lead you on.

You saw what you wanted to see.

You believed what you chose to believe.

You read things in to the friendship that simply were not there.

He was in a LTR with another woman.

I don't know how much more clear he could have made it to you that he had moved on.

So he called often, he's the father of your children.

He probably figured that it's better to be friends with the mother of his children, than enemies.

Truth is, you are mad at yourself for believing in a fantasy, and not having moved on like he did.

KingstonsMom · ‎03-09-2010

@Candyapple wrote:
Findingjoy you will be making a very big mistake if you end the friendship you two have. I don't know why his fiancé doesn't like you but I have a feeling she may be jealous of you. If you end the friendship you will be giving her just what she wants. But besides that, don't you think you will be more miserable if you end the friendship? At least you have that going for you. There are so many divorced people who wish they could have such a good friendship with each other. Like others have said, he's been living with her and now he's marrying her. Not much is changing, in my opinion. Also, by ending the friendship, you may have him bring himself emotionally closer to her, since he no longer will have you in his life. Do you want that?

However, even though I think you should maintain the friendship just as it was before, I also believe you should get out and start doing things and having some fun. As they say, sometimes love comes to us when we're not even looking. It's not always necessary to have to go searching for it.

@Candyapple

Sorry, but I completely disagree with you, especially the bolded parts!

It's not about competing with the 'new wife' at this point, IMO, it's about severing 'romantic' ties that will never be fulfilled, so she can move on with her life.

She's said that it wasn't just a 'friendship' on her end. She thought there was hope to rekindle their romantic relationship.

JMO.....

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

NickNack · ‎03-10-2010

I replied to your first post that you should remain friends with him. Now that you've posted more about the situation, I take back what I originally said. My advice would be like others here. Quit taking his calls and find another handyman. Just don't answer the phone. You need to move on with your life.

The Bluebird Carries The Sky On His Back"
-Henry David Thoreau