Among Friends

[findingjoy]

My exhusband, who I have remained really good friends with throughout the years, just announced to my children, via dinner, that he is getting married to his live in girlfriend.

They have been together a few years, The Ex and I have been friends all the years since getting divorced, and I did not expect to feel like this.

Didn't really see it coming.  She doesn't particulary care for me or my kids, so I guess I am just going to tell him we can no longer be friends.

Don't know why I am feeling this way.  Guess because I do not have anyone significant in my life right now, although I feel like maybe I will start looking.

[2blonde]

@findingjoy  I'm so sorry you are having these feelings, but I think they are normal.  You are feeling "left out."  Think of it this way.  He had already moved on when the girlfriend moved in.  He is simply making it legal at this point.......nothing has really changed other than that.

I hope you don't say anything to him regarding "no longer being his friend." That's your knee-jerk reaction, so pleasse don't act on it.  Take the high road......you'll be glad you did.  Once you move on with your own life (possibly meeting someone new), you will feel better.  Good luck to you!

[PinkyPetunia]

You don't say how old your children are​, but​ for their sake maintain a good relationship with your ex.  

[KingstonsMom]

I agree with @2blonde, especially about remaining friends with your Ex.....for the kids sake, if for no other reason.

[NickNack]

@findingjoy  I'm sorry you've been hurt and that you're feeling this way.  I agree with 2blonde that you need to move on with your life now.  I think telling him that you can no longer be friends is the wrong thing to do.  She's been living with him all this time, and probably nothing will change as far as what's been going on.  I think you need to get over being hurt about this before you say anything to him like that.  Once you think about it I think you'll agree that you shouldn't say that.

[hoosieroriginal]

I understand it is different when you have children together.  You need to make the best of it for the kids and get on with your life.  My sister held such a grudge against her ex husband it was unhealthy and she was bitter and hard to be around.  When you have a good ex-husband, appreciate him.  My sister's husband was a great ex-husband, but her hate for him when he divorced her never stopped.  The kids suffered because of it.  I doubt your relationship will change much.  Don't do anything out of spite.

[ChynnaBlue]

---

@findingjoy wrote:

My exhusband, who I have remained really good friends with throughout the years, just announced to my children, via dinner, that he is getting married to his live in girlfriend.

They have been together a few years, The Ex and I have been friends all the years since getting divorced, and I did not expect to feel like this.

Didn't really see it coming.  She doesn't particulary care for me or my kids, so I guess I am just going to tell him we can no longer be friends.

Don't know why I am feeling this way.  Guess because I do not have anyone significant in my life right now, although I feel like maybe I will start looking.

---

I think that what you're feeling is totally normal.

That said, if she's his live-in girlfriend of several years, I'm not sure how getting married really changes the relationship with you or why now is the time you're deciding you can't be friends with him. If she doesn't like you now and you've managed to be friends, I don't think that changes.

I know many couples who have lived together for years, some for decades, and have never married. I don't really see any difference between a married couple and a couple living together aside from the legal matters that arise from being married or not being married.

[Perkup]

---

@Nicknack wrote:

@findingjoy  I'm sorry you've been hurt and that you're feeling this way.  I agree with 2blonde that you need to move on with your life now.  I think telling him that you can no longer be friends is the wrong thing to do.  She's been living with him all this time, and probably nothing will change as far as what's been going on.  I think you need to get over being hurt about this before you say anything to him like that.  Once you think about it I think you'll agree that you shouldn't say that.

---

I agree.  You have everything to gain by being open and kind. You have nothing to gain and everything to lose by creating a rift that doesn't serve any purpose and creates a barrier for your children.  Nothing has really changed escept a piece of paper.  Let it go and be the bigger person that I am sure you are capable of.  it's been over for a while now. Let it go.

[viva923]

I am so sorry about your hurt and surprise announcement.

You maybe feeling this way because you had this very good relationship with your ex and most likely deep down you did care for him (even if it was a just a little bit--smidge). He was your friend and when you lose a friend no matter , man or woman, it is very hurtful and painful. It is a death to you. Death of a friendship.

you are dealing with 2 hurts right now. The announcment that came out of the blue (blind-sided) that you just didn't see coming.

to me you are correct you have now step out of the life of a dear friend and move on. You will mourn the loss but eventually the hurt will subside. Your memories will carry you thur this pain.

I do hope you will be able to move on and find another friend that you can become close too.

[NicksmomESQ]

  I understand your pain.Don't do or say anything that you're going to regret. Think of your children.They will end up in the middle & that is a terrible place for them to be.

 Remember "Living Well is the best revenge"!! Go out, have fun,& meet someone new.You'll feel better.