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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,388
Registered: ‎06-14-2011

Re: Feeling a little down

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@Luvsmyfam This time of year is so hard for many.  The ads all say how happy and joyful we should be, and yet they also try to inspire us to remember the "good ol'days". But for many the joy brings the reminder of the the people/pets we lost and instead of feeling excited about the holiday season we get depressed and then feel guilty because the ads all are expecting us to sing carols, and bake and be joyful.  It winds up being a holiday cookie of depression for many with a bit of joyful jelly in the middle.  

     I think we all feel the see-saw of emotions this time of year.  I cry a little, laugh a little and pray a lot.  I hope everyone finds the jelly of joy in the middle of their holiday cookie.

     I remember years ago when my daughter was coming home from one of her chemo treatments.  It was a cold NH night, it had snowed and we were walking into the house.  She paused on the steps and was looking up at the clear night and I looked at her and said "let's get inside honey it's cold out here".  She looked at me and said "In a minute, I'm wishing Kayla a Merry Christmas".  Kayla was her best friend in the hospital who didn't make it.  She had cancer that had returned and had a 2nd bone marrow transplant that didn't take.  And yes I choked up.  I learned in that moment, no matter how sad the season makes us, those we loved and lost are still there with us.  If a little 4 year old girl could find the true meaning of Christmas, and still smile through all she had lost and was going through, I could too. 

     I pray everyone can have even if it's just a moment of joy, peace or just a feeling of comfort at some point this weekend.  Even if you are alone, know that you may not "know" us but there are people out there praying for you and wishing a happier new year for you.  Blessings for one and all.  

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Posts: 16,471
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There is so much hype to the holiday season and a person can be made to feel like there is something wrong with them if they don't feel delirously happy about it!  Too much emphasis is put on gifts and parties and an almost frantic sense of -- must go here, must do this, must get together with so-an-so and celebrate, celebrate, celebrate! If someone's situation is different, in that they have no close family or close friends and will be alone, they can be made to feel there is something wrong with them because they don't feel jubilant and yippee-skippee about the whole thing!  

 

Not all of us are in good health or maybe have a lot of family to be with.  It's perfectly normal to feel somewhat down at this time of the year.  Expectations can be high and then we feel disappointed when we compare ourselves to what others are feeling or doing or have.  

 

I think the best thing to try and do is just try and make your day, your holiday, the best you can for yourself.  Do what makes you the most content.  If it's sleeping in late and making a nice breakfast for yourself, then that's great.  Then later, having a hot both or shower and dressing in comfy clothes and curling up with a good book or movie and later preparing for yourself a tasty light meal, that's good, too.  

 

 

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin
Valued Contributor
Posts: 671
Registered: ‎12-06-2022
@QVCAddiction, I have read all your posts to Tennisbuff, and other forums and you are so positive and inspiring! I also am a big Bible reader and believe faith goes a long way in bad times. You don't know this but you have helped me too!
Your one awesome lady! God Bless You!
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,725
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@Parischic 


@Parischic wrote:
@QVCAddiction, I have read all your posts to Tennisbuff, and other forums and you are so positive and inspiring! I also am a big Bible reader and believe faith goes a long way in bad times. You don't know this but you have helped me too!
Your one awesome lady! God Bless You!

Thank you.  Your post made me cry, but only because my heart hurts for people here that are going through such hard times and wish I could hug them all.   I do pray for them.

If I can help anyone, I'm the one that is helped.  

Yes, the bible has helped me alot. I use to be very negative, but it gives me hope and comfort everyday.

I still have to catch myself now and then. We can't help it when life gets in the way.  I find now I have peace in my heart, even though I still have problems like everyone else.  

I think my age has a lot to do with it.  Why waste my days if I can't change things. I have a big family, but only one son who visits and good to me.  Also my younger sister in WA. She is only 56 and keeps me young with new information I learn from her.

The people here that are losing loved ones or have lost them, for them it's very hard to be positive at this time. That takes time.  In time, they will remember the good times with their love ones.  It took me two years to stop from crying everyday when I lost two love ones in one week, a couple of days apart.

Again Thank you, and you have helped me just knowing I can help someone.  So many people have helped me in the last two years. People I did not know.

God Bless You Also.  You made my day.

 

 

 

Valued Contributor
Posts: 671
Registered: ‎12-06-2022
@qvcaddition,
Oh, your welcome! I'm 57 and have had a lot of difficulties. After 20 years of marriage my husband had an affair and we divorced. My 3 kids don't speak to me, in fact I accidentally ran into my 31 year old daughter and asked her why she won't speak to me, she was vague and started to argue with me. I haven't seen or spoken to her in 8 years, she took off and screamed at me HOPE YOU DIE SOON!
She and the other 2 still live with their Dad.
It didn't shock me. Their father bad mouths me and so I gave up on them a long time ago. No matter what I did, it was wrong. They blamed me for everything.
I was depressed, defeated and heart broken. I questioned God, why would he do this to me. I prayed to Mary begging her to bring my children back to me.
Then I went to therapy, then church.
I realized God put me where he wanted me and my prayers were either no or not now.
I took a job as a Licensed Home Health Aide. I love my job, I take care of the elderly who have trouble taking care of themselves. I feel God gave me a gift, and I take care of these wonderful people as if they were my own parents.
I find joy in the little things and the most important thing I learned to like and love myself again.
I read 100 Daily Bible Devotions everyday and it keeps me in the present. I talk to God every day sometimes all day, lol
I stay away from toxic negative people.

You are a wonderful example of a hard working woman who raised her children on her own and has a can do attitude!
I admire your strength and positivity, to me you are a Cosmo Girl! Living life on your terms and enjoying every minute!!!

I live in California too. Just south of San Francisco. In the Bay Area. Who knows we could be neighbors ☺️
Paris
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Posts: 2,634
Registered: ‎11-08-2020

@qvcaddition , I love your attitude!  LM

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Posts: 5,725
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Feeling a little down

[ Edited ]

@Parischic 

 

OMG.  We have so much in common.  The children not speaking, although I have my middle boy who is very good to me and he lives 20 miles in Windsor.  He does not understand about the other two. He says, they have their Fathers heart and he has mine.  

we can't get to bibical here, they might close us, but turning to the bible and God is what gets me through all the really tough times, but also knowing he loves us and he has a plan and a lesson for all of us to learn.  Sometime it takes a few hard knocks and a few years. When we are really lost and sincere, he answers through the good things and from the bible. 

My daughter lives around the corner, and my oldest son lives one mile away.  She is the head of the house for everyone. She gives the dinners for every  holiday and is very wealthy.

She is not a bad person by any means, but I cannot get her to tell me why, what could I have done that was so wrong.  I apologized not knowing what I was apologizing, but was so sincere for anything, but she said my apologize was not sincere.  She is giving Christmas dinner and everyone will be there, all the grandkids and great grandkids. On that note, I helped raise some of them when she was working.  

I was working in the ER 11 to 7 shift at the time. She would pick the grandson up at 6. I would lie down at 7 after taking care of a two year old all day, and try to rest before I left for work.  I gave so much to all the grandkid's, trips to Disney Land. Modeling school for one, brought the clothes, and pictures and she doesn't talk to me today.  The other one not just gave and gave, but saved his dog from death. The vet said, they are lucky to have you.  I loved them all, and that little dog, when my grandson got mad at me for a stupid reason, I never got to see the dog again.  The little thing knew when she was coming to my house.  They said the minute they turned the corner on my street, it was hard to contained her from jumping all over the car. I don' regret it. I would do it again.

The son that lives a mile away, still talks to me. I have to tex him in the morning OK, and at night OK. He will be here if he doesn't get that message.  As far as visiting, never.

I'm lucky one of them treats me nice and loving.  Funny, growing up, the two that are hard on me are the ones that gave me so many problems growing up.  The oldest and the youngest, not the middle one.  They were 5, 7, and 9 when their father and I divorced.  I was beaten up so bad by their father and he distroyed the inside of our home.  He was a heavy drinker.  The courts threw the book at him, when they saw the pictures of my body.  I tried to help battery women years ago, but the memories were so bad, I relived them, so couldn't do it.  I raised them all by myself until they turned 18.

They were all very successful in life.  The one son said, you gave us a good foundation.  I'm just happy it was the day before computers and cell phones.  

I feel for parents today, because it has to be very very hard to keep the kids on point.

I love what you are doing today.  You are making a difference in the world and the lives of the elderly.  So many of us has been abandoned by family for whatever reason.  

Sometime we are thought of as old, useless and stupid and nothing is further from the truth.

You have a difficult career, but you love it, so that makes it easier.  You have a big heart and are a blessing to so many.

My daughter is 60 now.  It's 3.5 years since anyone has spoken to me. 

I have three friends who left their kids. One had a set of twins, and left them before they were two.  She moved away out of state.  Today, they are in their 20's and visit their mom and love her.  Another, left all five of her kids when the youngest was 11.

The girl came home from school one day and mom gone Dad had to explain.  He raised them.  Yet today, they all get along with the mom. Pay for her air fare first class from her home to theirs.  I was with them all this summer camping in Monte Rio.

They travel to see her at Christmas.  

My daughter in law that has Alzheimer's, her mother was a druggie and also her father and use to hit her on the head all the time. She had a brain tumor that was cancerous just before she married my oldest son.. Yet they all forgave their parents for whatever reason.  I was not abusive, just working three jobs, to raise my kids.  They didn't have all the help you can get today back in the late 60's.  Women were low on the totem pole. 

Well, You can't look back in the rearview mirror and I am really OK, just can't understand what I did wrong. Neither can two people who are still alive and were there through the years.

You and I are the same as far as, we choose to make something from nothing.  I can't remember the saying, but you understand what I mean.

I live North of San Francisco. Was born and raised in SF, and lived South for 15 years, in Pacifica.  In 1976 brought a house up North in Wine Country. 

I wish we lived close, we have a lot in common.  You are my half sister's age.  She is very nice and loving to me.  Like the daughter I don't have.

Hey, we could write a book.  It was great hearing from you.

You really made me feel good.  

You are a special person for all that you do. You also proved that you can pull yourself out of a negativity by helping others.

Thank you.  Many Blessings

 

Valued Contributor
Posts: 671
Registered: ‎12-06-2022
@qvcaddition
Wow, we really do have a lot in common! I was born in Novato. My mom was born in SF and met my Dad there on a blind date. When they got married in 1950 my Dad was in the army and had to go to the war in Korea. My mom had my brother in 1951 and my sister in 1953 when my Dad got out of the army my parents decided they didn't want to raise a family in the city so they moved to the little town of Novato.
It's not so little anymore and it was a wonderful place to grow up. I was 20 when my mom passed away and didn't get along with my dad at the time so I moved in with my boyfriend. He was abusive. Then I met my future ex husband. We married and my sister who lived in San Jose convinced us to move down here and I have lived here for 32 years.
I know Windsor, Napa Valley, Sonoma my brother lived in Petaluma I'm very familiar with all the little towns there. Beautiful up there.
My brother passed away 12/23/2009 he loved Christmas and the holidays. I was supposed to meet him at Golden Gate Cemetery to visit our parents grave and exchange gifts and have lunch with him and my sister that day when my BIL called to tell me that my brother had died.
I went into shock. He was my hero. He was 14 years older then me, he was a fireman and paramedic for the Novato Fire Department for 25 years. He coached college and highschool football he had tons of friends. When he died a piece of me died that day. His death could of been prevented. He was diabetic and had gone Christmas shopping late 12/22 he was going through a divorce and didn't eat properly when he got home. Sometime during the night his blood sugar dropped and he needed his insulin, he awoke to get it but became disoriented and hit his head on the night stand. It knocked him out and he went into a diabetic coma and just never woke up.
The most positive person I ever met, my only brother who I loved more than anything was gone.
I still grieve, but take comfort knowing he is with me and I will see him again.
My other sister, she started to act really strange around 1995. It was slow at first.
She started questioning authority. Then she started listening to talk radio and was getting angry all the time. Then she started lying and gossiping and one by one her friends didn't want to be friends with her. She became negative and nasty. I couldn't be around her. She was raising her GD with her husband and snapped one day. She got a U-Haul had her ex-SIL PACK her things and drove to Washington state to live with friends who had property and a huge house. She demanded her GD to go with her and the GD refused to go. She told her GD to you know what and kicked her out of the house. Before my sister left, she took a permanent marker and wrote on the walls and pergo floors that her husband was a child m#@#",ter and a pe#%ile, and Other things, then cut up his motor cycle seat and poured gorilla glue in the gas tank and took a golf club to his truck windshield.
Well longer story shortened. The friends in Washington kicked her out. She desperately tried to get back with her husband who refused. Nobody would have anything to do with her and she had no place to go. She had a daughter who lived in Sacramento so she moved there. They didn't get along that well but her daughter helped get her settled. My sister lived in Sacramento for 6 weeks. One morning I got a call from my ex husband telling me my sister was dead! I asked what happened and he said she shot herself and that's all he knew!!!
Her death didn't affect me at all. She was a miserable mean vicious vile hurtful human being that wrecked a lot lives and it didn't surprise me that she took her own life. I do not miss her at all.

My other sister lives in Colorado. I visited her in September. We are close and I love her dearly she is 65 and is not in the best of health she has COPD and on oxygen
She is about all I have left.
I love her dearly.
Like you my daughter can't give me a reason for what I did to make her not want to talk to me. I didn't do anything but leave her cheating father. Aside from Saturday she is the same Goth girl at 22 except she's 31 now and looked ridiculous. I know I changed, I know she is stuck. She had a lot of anger, I have asked God for forgiveness and asked God for my daughter to forgive me for whatever I did (years ago) I am at peace, she isn't.
I hope I haven't bored you.
I will be alone on Christmas too, but not really, I will go to mass on Christmas Eve or Christmas day, watch football and probably go to Denny's. I will think of you and Mel and Tennisbuff and others who are alone. I will watch my favorite Christmas movies and I will recall my favorite Christmas memories I had as a child and teen. We will be together in Spirit
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Posts: 2,574
Registered: ‎01-04-2015

@eadu4 @What a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing!

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Posts: 5,725
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Feeling a little down

[ Edited ]

@Parischic 

 

Wow, you have been through a lot and come out on top.  I am so sorry about your brother.  That was a shocker to you to go like that and to hear about his death like that.

 

What part of SF did your parents live and do you know what high school they attended?

I graduated Feb. 1954 from Galileo.  I didn't live in the Marina at that time, and should have attended Balboa high in the excelsior district.  I was living with my Grandmother, but we used my Mother's address.

I actually grew up in the Bayview district which were all immigrants from Italy, Malta, Ireland.  Then after the war, WW11, my dad brought a house in a new development off of Silver avenue in the San Bruno, area.  Not the town of San Bruno, but the district.  He paid 11,000.

Your parents were a little older than me.  

I married my first husband in 1956.  A mistake.  We were too young, but in those days, a women got married, had children and stayed home and raised them. He was not the father of my children.  Remarried again in 1958 and first one born in 1959.  I wish I never gotten married and worked toward a career instead, but those were the times.

He was the abusive one.  Never paid  child support until I took him to court many times.  Today, even though we were divorced and he remarried, I get his SS.  I really investigated that law.  You had to be married 10 years and not remarried at the time you applied for it.  Also he had died.  So his wife got his and so did I.  His was much more than taking mine, and you can only get one.  He must have turned over in his grave.

He use to charge me to pick up the kids, feed them and for anything he brought them.  He was angry because he didn't get the house in the divorce settlement.  This was two weeks before the new law went into effect where you had to divide the home or pay the other one their half.  God works in mysterest (sp)?ways and my Grandma, being a strong women, got me an excellent lawyer.

 

I'm glad you have a great relationship with your other sister. 

Well, you do what makes you happy for Christmas.

Sometime you can be in a big crowd and feel alone.

We are never alone, because he is always with us. 

Like you, I am a true believer.  I would not be strong if not for him.  You understand what I am saying. Nor would I have met such wonderful people and be at peace today.

Hugs and blessings.