Feeling Left Out - Page 6

tiny 2 · ‎03-10-2010

@Grace729 wrote:
This may sound different yet see if you can not make anyone wrong, yourself or the others. Allow. Allow the hurt to be there without the addition of a story. Feeling left out is different than I am being left out. Acceptance of what is transforms. Resistance creates persistence. Acceptance doesn't mean you do nothing it just allows rather than forcing a solution. I have been taught what is in my way is the way. Make friends with it and the form of it will change. You are not what is happening you are the space in which everything happens. Observe the feelings then without thought, labels, interpretations and this to shall pass. Be gentle with you

@Grace729, She is being left out and she has every reason to feel the way she does.

"You are not what is happening you are the space in which everything happens."

hckynutjohn · ‎06-15-2015

Sad reading these types of threads and things said and felt by any OP that starts them.

When married couples do not work as a team? Trouble is for sure in their future. It may not effect them, even though it should. In this case it effects one spouse's mother. Why?

From my view it appears 1 of the 2 in the marriage is the driver, the other just rides along, to get along. Until this passenger finds his bats to change it, it will remain the same.

Unfortunately my mother died 33 years before my marriage. My mother-in-law died 6 years ago. Unlike the son mentioned in this starting post, I paid my mother-in-law's expenses, so she could go on a weeks trip with my wife, to visit a few big cities.

Left out ism is bi-directional. I only know what I would do in the circumstances of

@Calcgirl.

hckynut(john)🥅🏒 🇺🇸

hckynut(john)

RetRN · ‎10-01-2013

The son and DIL discussed the topic and decided OP is not wanted to be included. Shows how uncaring and thoughtless they are to treat her in this manner. However, she is not going to change the situation. The hurt she feels must be enormous but it is best to let it go as difficult as that is to do. Confronting them or asking questions will only make things worse.

River Song · ‎03-15-2010

@Grace729 wrote:
This may sound different yet see if you can not make anyone wrong, yourself or the others. Allow. Allow the hurt to be there without the addition of a story. Feeling left out is different than I am being left out. Acceptance of what is transforms. Resistance creates persistence. Acceptance doesn't mean you do nothing it just allows rather than forcing a solution. I have been taught what is in my way is the way. Make friends with it and the form of it will change. You are not what is happening you are the space in which everything happens. Observe the feelings then without thought, labels, interpretations and this to shall pass. Be gentle with you

New Age psycho-babble. I am widowed and this type of rambling nonsense cloaked as 'advice' is not helpful.

An estimated 700,000 people around the world, 400,000 of them children, have died so far due to the discontinuation of the USAID program.

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

@chrystaltree wrote:
I know it hurts and I'm so sorry you are going through this. Painful though it is, my advice is to say NOTHING about this to them. You can't change thee situation because it isn't about you. You haven't done or said anything to offend them. Your daughter in law is closer to her own mother, her mother is viewed as close family so they include her in everything. Your daughter in law sees you more as extended family or a distant relative. You can't change that and your son cannot change that. In most families the wife controls such matters. You have a relationship with your grandchildren and you don't want to put that at risk by antagonizing their mother or the other grandmother. Accept the way things are and make the most of the times you are with the grandchildren. Make those times fun and special.

Oh, but her son could do something about the situation should he elect to. That the wife, in some families, controls things of this nature is because she's been allowed to do so. That doesn't necessarily make it right and in many families, there is a real effort made, by both partners, for both sides of the family to feel somehow included. Were I the OP I would not engage in an argument about it, but inquiring about 'what gives' would not be a bad thing. If merely asking a gentle question or two sets off a battle royal, well then that would tell her everything she needs to know. It also sounds as though the child or children are the wife's by a previous relationship, and that might prove to be the excuse given, which might even make some sense.

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

RollTide2008 · ‎02-14-2017

@Shanus wrote:
@Calcgirl One last thought....Children, grown or teens, do not have the same respect (for the most part) as we all did for our parents and grandparents. We knew and thought about their feelings. It was expected and we never questioned that.

I think they're "too busy", too stressed, too influeneced by other things to put the important emotions in the forefront. Let it go for now.

Although it can hurtful, they usually come around and I'm positive everything will work out for you in time. 💕

Or the younger generations are better at setting boundaries. My grandparents very obviously preferred my mother's sister's children over me. My mother was all about putting up and shutting up. My mother has a real preference for my brother's kids. I decline to celebrate holidays and birthdays with them. I'm more willing to spare my child's feelings than my mother's. It's a boundary, not a lack of consideration.

I suspect there's a reason for OP to be excluded but we only know her side of the story.

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

@RollTide2008 wrote:
@Shanus wrote:
@Calcgirl One last thought....Children, grown or teens, do not have the same respect (for the most part) as we all did for our parents and grandparents. We knew and thought about their feelings. It was expected and we never questioned that.

I think they're "too busy", too stressed, too influeneced by other things to put the important emotions in the forefront. Let it go for now.

Although it can hurtful, they usually come around and I'm positive everything will work out for you in time. 💕

Or the younger generations are better at setting boundaries. My grandparents very obviously preferred my mother's sister's children over me. My mother was all about putting up and shutting up. My mother has a real preference for my brother's kids. I decline to celebrate holidays and birthdays with them. I'm more willing to spare my child's feelings than my mother's. It's a boundary, not a lack of consideration.

I suspect there's a reason for OP to be excluded but we only know her side of the story.

If there are legitimate reasons to set boundaries that makes a very big difference. If it's simply a matter of preference but without any significant foundation, then there is a place for showing at least a modicum of consideration.

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@RetRN wrote:

The son and DIL discussed the topic and decided OP is not wanted to be included. Shows how uncaring and thoughtless they are to treat her in this manner. However, she is not going to change the situation. The hurt she feels must be enormous but it is best to let it go as difficult as that is to do. Confronting them or asking questions will only make things worse.

Exactly! The situation didn't suddenly happen. The granddaughter is going away to college which makes her 17 or 18. Family dynamics have been set. They are cut in stone. It's unrealistic for the OP to think they can change now.

kelsey17 · ‎04-10-2012

I am sorry you feel left out....and i don't blame you.....at this point...i wouldn't speak to your son again as far as traveling somewhere with his family....it sounds like he has already

thought of you joining them on a trip but decided against it...so he knows you have an interest. Try to let it go...hard as it may be.........wait and see if he invites you another time....if not....that is your answer. Enjoy the grandkids...

and i wish you happiness.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

To me, this is all on the OP's son. He has accommodated his wife and included her mother, but hasn't insisted his wife include his mother in return. He obviously cares little about his mother's feelings, at least not enough to stand up for her.