Feeling Left Out - Page 4

Lucky Charm · ‎03-09-2010

I think you should write (please don't text) a little note inside a card and send it to your step-granddaughter.

Tell her that you think of her often and hope she is doing well and that you'd be willing to make the out of state trip to see her someday.

You could find lodging somewhere around the college town and just hang out and go to restaurants, movies, do a little shopping.

Maybe you stay two nights, but just visit with her for one day, doesn't have to be from dawn til dusk, maybe a nice long afternoon.

If you were wishing to go with your son, I'm sure you'd have to have your own sleeping accomodations and maybe even airfare?

But either way, I think it would be sweet to send her a card--just to let her know you think of her.

skatting44 · ‎07-26-2019

Have a conversation with your son, simply say that you'd love to go on vacation with them sometime as a family. Don't criticize him or your daughter in law for not asking or including you before on other vacations.

Believe it that like most men, it may have not crossed your sons mind. Maybe, his wife makes the vacation plans. Maybe , the wife took her Mother to help with the children or babysit while on vacay when the children were younger .

Just be brief and just let your son know , you'd love to go sometime . You can say what you feel as being left out but be brief.

Eileen in Virginia · ‎08-25-2010

@Calcgirl As others have commented, I recommend that you talk to your son about feeling excluded once this family weekend is well behind everyone. No, you don't have to be included in everything, but it's nice to be invited occasionally. If money's the issue, offer to pay your own way for an upcoming trip (if you can afford it). If you can't afford it, see if they can include you for part of the visit via Skype or FaceTime, or a similar technical option. You might also use Skype or FaceTime to e-visit with your granddaughter. Again, time it so you don't do this right after they return from this trip, but soon enough so she knows you're interested in her and her new school. If this works out well, you and she might set up recurring sessions to keep in touch.

When their grandchildren were young, my in-laws paid for annual family vacations to the Outer Banks. They rented the house and everyone else shared the other costs. One of DH's sisters (a single mother) acted as if she was only coming because it was free and she had a group of free babysitters for her young daughter when she wanted to go out with her friends. A few years ago, her new husband and I were chatting and he told me how much she'd enjoyed those trips to the Outer Banks. I hope I kept my poker face because you could've knocked me over with a feather. I honestly never realized that she liked going there, yet she never said or did anything to make me think otherwise.

Family dynamics are always interesting and sometimes challenging. If your son tells you he's going along to get along, see if the two of you can't get together from time to time to keep your relationship fresh. Regardless, make sure you keep busy with your friends and personal interests independent of your son's family. Also, keep in touch with his step-daughters unless they or your son asks you not to. Young people today need all the love they can get. Good luck!

ThinkingOutLoud · ‎05-01-2020

Haven't read the responses so this may be a repeat.

Sorry this has been happening.

Turn this around and plan a trip that you invite them to. It doesn't have to be long or far away. If that won't work, just plan something with her (ie girls day out - spa day, shopping spree...) and see how that goes. Do this more than once if need be. That may be enough to change the situation.

FranandZoe · ‎03-09-2010

I know everyone means well and only wants to help. But the OP stated initially that her son told her that they - meaning he and his wife - talked about and decided not to include her. Then would have been the time to ask the reason why. OP also stated that she told her son that she'd love to be included on a family trip.

IMO that should be enough. Is she supposed to beg him? Make this worse by bringing it up again - nagging about it? I don't think so. He knows how she feels. And he would no doubt tell his wife if she pursued this further which would only make things worse.

He has made their feelings known. It's really a shame and so sad but it is what it is. Time to move on

And furthermore I think it is pretty normal for each set of grandparents to spend time with their child's/grandchildren's family and to participate in activities separately. I hope though when this family gets together for holidays that everyone is included.

pupwhipped · ‎03-11-2010

I haven't read all the responses and in some ways I'm hesitant to reply as I don't even have kids....so no grandkids, DIL's, etc. I have no experience with things like this. But just off the top of my head I would say it's bad enough that the MIL goes on vacations with them but they never include you. But then for you to specifically ask to attend the family day at the college and they say basically "no you can't come" is pretty rotten!!! It speaks volumes.

At this point if I were you I would try to put all my love and attention into the relationship with your other adult child.

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

Reading between the lines, it sounds like your DIL's mom is probably paying for these vacations. I bet your son may not want you there because he may possibly prefer you not knowing their finances...

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

I'm not impressed with you son saying "just family". You treated her kids like family! For this one time, I think he should have agreed you should come along. I'd feel bad too, but what can you do ?

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

@Calcgirl Something I just thought about. If they did invite you , after you told them how you felt...wouldn't you feel like they only did it because they felt they had to? I know, I would. Personally, under those circumstances, I don't think I could enjoy myself. I would want to know they did it because they wanted me and not out of pity. It's not wrong to feel the hurt in a situation like this but, to me, I would not want to go where I was not invited.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@Calcgirl One last thought....Children, grown or teens, do not have the same respect (for the most part) as we all did for our parents and grandparents. We knew and thought about their feelings. It was expected and we never questioned that.

I think they're "too busy", too stressed, too influeneced by other things to put the important emotions in the forefront. Let it go for now.

Although it can hurtful, they usually come around and I'm positive everything will work out for you in time. 💕