Feeling Left Out - Page 10

BoopOMatic · ‎06-08-2021

That is so sad, @Calcgirl ...

4kitties · ‎03-09-2010

A very sad situation for you I am sure.

Big hugs to you.....

“I heard the sound I had to follow”
In Your Wildest Dreams by Justin Hayward

DottieBlue · ‎03-11-2010

@Calcgirl wrote:

Actually, they pay for her airfare and accommadations. My son and his wife are financially well of and make well above average income. I have never asked for anything from them but my DIL purchased a condo for her mother although her mother has money on fer own. I don't mind, her money, her decision. I am far too proud to ask for help. My DIL also did not want my son's two college children to live with them. Although she never came out and said it, her actions made them uncomfortable and my son got them apartments to rent. My grandchildren are decent not party animals and respectful, so that was not the problem. They have graduated college and have great lives. I believe my DIL wants her family to be number one. She invites them for dinner. etc, but leaves my son's children left out. He sees them on his own, as he does me. My son is a gentle person and I don't think he knows how to stand up to my DIL. Kitty whipped. LOL.

@Calcgirl

This post clarifies the situation much more. If I were in your shoes, I would say nothing to your son and just accept the way things are. That isn't to say you have to LIKE it.

Your DIL sounds like she wants to pretend your son didn't have a previous marriage or children from it. She sounds extremely shallow, selfish and self-centered by focusing only on her mother and her children, and ignoring her husband's mother and children. Shame on her.

Since your son maintains a relationship with you and his children without his wife, I would leave it at that. He knows what is going on and is choosing to keep the status quo. Did she show her true colors before they married, or after?

Actually, from the kind of person your DIL sounds like, I'd consider myself fortunate that I didn't have to spend much time with her, and wouldn't even want to vacation with her.

My hope for you is that your son will take you on a trip to visit his children without his wife and MIL along. But if his wife won't allow that, let it be and go alone or with a friend.

Wishing you peace.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Shanus wrote:
@Lucky Charm wrote:
@Sooner wrote:
Before we blame too much on the son, I am going to add that among my friends, I can't think of any whose in-laws go on trips together, both families.

Not that they hate one another or anything, but that they just aren't really as comfortable with the others along as they would be with "just family."

Maybe if that's the case, the son simply was thinking that and assumed his mom would understand or feel that way. Is it the case that the DIL's family travels more, or just wanted a trip without others to be with her kids?

Am I missing something here.
I think you are missing something here @Sooner

Why would her son think it's okay to go away with his mother in law all the time, but never once ask his own mother?

@Lucky Charm ....because the wife may be calling the shots?

@Shanus Or because he doesn't get along with his mother?

BoopOMatic · ‎06-08-2021

@Calcgirl I hope you have emotionally come to terms with this situation and are okay.

May I ask, do you have Thanksgiving plans?

It's terrible what some people do to older ladies, especially to widows.

I have felt slighted and hurt by my adult children, but I have a wonderful husband and that really makes it so much easier. It must be terrible to be a widow and have to cope with something so unnecessary and cruel.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Calcgirl wrote:
@Trinity11 wrote:
Reading between the lines, it sounds like your DIL's mom is probably paying for these vacations. I bet your son may not want you there because he may possibly prefer you not knowing their finances...

Actually, they pay for her airfare and accommadations. My son and his wife are financially well of and make well above average income. I have never asked for anything from them but my DIL purchased a condo for her mother although her mother has money on fer own. I don't mind, her money, her decision. I am far too proud to ask for help. My DIL also did not want my son's two college children to live with them. Although she never came out and said it, her actions made them uncomfortable and my son got them apartments to rent. My grandchildren are decent not party animals and respectful, so that was not the problem. They have graduated college and have great lives. I believe my DIL wants her family to be number one. She invites them for dinner. etc, but leaves my son's children left out. He sees them on his own, as he does me. My son is a gentle person and I don't think he knows how to stand up to my DIL. Kitty whipped. LOL.

@Calcgirl Your son has his own life and it doesn't please you. The truth of the matter is you can accept it as his choice and base your relationship with him on that fact

You can intervene and possibly break up his marriage, which might be better for your peace of mind. Maybe.

What do you really expect him to do? He is a grown up and living his life. And the choices and options to what you do will have an effect on all, and consequences therein. So what do you really want to happen? Him to divorce?

highmaintenancejan · ‎03-09-2010

Although not easy our family has endured this same type of situation for 34 years. You just have to endure the hurt and pain and keep the peace as hard as it is. There are not "steps" involved here. Many a time we had years of not speaking. It's better just to keep the peace and get in what little time you are allowed. Shame on them!!!

Silkeej · ‎04-01-2010

All Families should be treated equal. Don’t marry someone whose Family you cannot become a part of.

Group 5 minus 1 · ‎03-11-2010

The important thing is YOU. Do you have friends you can rely on? Things like that? I think,by what you are saying,that your son cannot be depended on if you need help.

GoneButNotForgotten · ‎03-29-2020

to the OP: I'm in the same boat and I know exactly how you feel. It really hurts. And trying to discuss it with them -- that's a non-starter. Sometimes it's best to let sleeping dogs lie but one of these days it's going to come back and bite them on the butt.

Sometimes I feel like saying, some day I'll be gone and you're going to be very sorry your treated me like this and it'll be too late to make amends.