Among Friends

[1Snickers]

Just.  @Pasta Lover    I’m finally learning after many years that I am responsible for my happiness. I can’t depend on others to read my mind, or invite me places. I always thank them when they  do. 

   It’s a busy world and younger people don’t send thank you cards or call. I will send a check and since several have been lost in the mail I will write a note with the check saying please let me know if you received this. My grandson changes addresses and forgets to let me know. 

   Take a walk, look at the trees and breathe the fresh air. Focus on yourself awhile and forget the cards. Maybe call your brother and tell him “hello, I thought about you today”. At least you will have tried.

[SXMGirl]

@Pasta Lover  I am sorry how your family is making you feel, but I think you have expectations of them that are unrealistic.  Unfortunately, too many young people do not know about sending cards or writing thank you notes.

My suggestion for you is to get out and make a life for yourself.   Volunteer somewhere in a field that you would enjoy.  The people will definitely appreciate you.  Sometimes friends have to be your family.  Do not obsess over your family and do not make yourself available all of the time.  Be a little hard to get.  The next time that someone calls with a late invitation, unless you absolutely want to be there, then make sure that they know that you are busy.  You must be in control of yourself and you have to love yourself enough to make a new life for you.

[cbrite]

@Pasta Lover  I understand.

[NYC Susan]

---

@Silver Lining wrote:

@Pasta Lover , I'm sorry you are sad.  I wouldn't worry about younger relatives not sending cards. Many people don't send or receive greeting cards. Regarding your nephew, since he is your godson and told you six months ago about the party, he probably considered it a personal invitation. If he later heard you were upset because you didn't get a written invitation, he had his daughter hand deliver one to you. I hope you went to the party. if you didn't, you need to drop it. 

---

I agree.  I don't think an actual invitation is always needed.  It sounds to me as though the OP had been invited.  Maybe (this is a just a guess) there's been too much standing on ceremony and waiting for written invitations and birthday cards and things of that type.  I still send all of those things, but many, many people do not.  It's all a lot less formal now.  People communicate in much more casual ways.

As someone posted above, don't judge people for not doing what you would do.

And I wanted to add that I understand being hurt by family.  I had a very hurtful experience not that long ago, and I'm still devastated about it.  That kind of pain cuts deep.  I suffer from depression and anxiety too, and that makes it all harder.  So, @Pasta Lover, my heart goes out to you and I don't mean to sound unsympathetic.  But I think you might be better off if you don't expect people to do things the way you would.  A verbal invitation is an invitation.  It wouldn't have been mentioned to you if they hadn't wanted you to be there.  It would be interesting to hear their side of things.  They may be assuming that you don't like to be with them.  So maybe it's time for a chat to clear the air.

[Mindy D]

---

@Pasta Lover wrote:

Hi,

i do not have any children and lost a daughter through adoption 17 years ago.  I have four nieces and nephews who have treated great.  I do this with my heart and never even received a card on my birthday or Christmas.  On e nephew is my Godson who I Practically grew up along with his brother years ago.  Last weekend my nephew's daughter graduating from highschool.  They were having a big party the day after.  My nephew told me about this on the phone 6 months.  I waited day afyer day and no invitation came.  3 days before the party my nehew's daughter was at the door with the invitation.  I hah mentioned to my other nephew 3 days beforre that as of that day I did't have an invitation.  I found out that all the other aunts AND UNCLES RECIEVED theirs over 2 months.  I waa an afterthought or maybe, excluded from the party!  Why is what I am asking.  I only have done so much for them.  Sometimes they wouldn't even thank me.  /////my nieces are on their brothers side when I told them that /I must not me part of the family.  I have been very sick for a month with a fractured wrist that they all knew.ABOUT.  nOT ANY CARDS or get well wishes. I have 1 brother who lives 10minutes away and haven't  seen him in 3 years.  When everyone is sick I always send out cards.  He never even calls me to see how I am.  I suffer from depression and anxiety for 29 years,   I don't have any family.  I feel so hurt and cryed all day Sunday.  Why did my nephew treat me like garbage?????

---

They probably all appreciate what you do and they love you too they have been taking you for granted. Sometimes people do this to the ones they are closest to without realizing they are hurting the person they should be showing their feelings for. I’d have a talk with your nephew in a couple months and let him know how you’re feeling. No anger, just show you feel hurt, overlooked and left out. 🌺

[Kachina624]

They say we teach people how to treat us.  Perhaps you've been too kind and generous and they take you for granted.  When I fail to receive an acknowledgement for a gift, that's it.  No more gifts.  Maybe the reason will dawn on them, maybe it won't.   It takes a lot of time, effort and money to gift people.  If they're unappreciative,  I will no longer make that effort.

[GiantsLover]

I can't help but recall that song which is very appropriate, especially in this sad situation.

"You always hurt the one you love"

[cbrite]

@Pasta Lover 

Just a thought on my end.....your first sentence you mention about losing a daughter to adoption.......Maybe that is on your mind..feeling guilt or you did something wrong or the other family members are judging you.... I am adopted so I write this from the 'other' side to you from my heart... Possibly you may wish to contact her...(I don't know your situation) You are a mom....and you love your daughter...and wanted the best for her.... It seems clear you dearly miss her and she is in your heart and on your mind too..... I'll bet all the stars in the sky she thinks about you as well......xo✨

[qualitygal]

Sometimes, very kind and thoughtful people can be hurt by their families.  No idea why, and sorry you experienced that.  I'd say, maybe reach out to some new friends, and get involved in other people the same way you have family.  Put them on the back burner, and create your own family of friends who treat you nicer.  You can do that.

[ID2]

I have a very, very small family. Sometimes I'm glad about that. OP find some hobbies, get out and meet people. Family isn't everything. Find youself some interests or just get out and take a daily walk.